Wednesday, 30 May 2012

I Live Next Door To Mary Berry.

I have had an experience like no other experience today. It involved something so wonderful, so satisfying and so utterly comforting that even those words cannot do it justice.

I woke up in a totally rotten mood due to the horrible task of packing for our 4 day trip to Centre Parcs. There are some days when you just know that you are not going to snap out of it.
I cracked on with everything including charging all phones, cameras and video camera (I am actually surprised that National Grid haven't contacted me accusing me of having a cannabis factory).

Anyway, there I am bad mood in full swing when my gorgeous neighbour texts me to remind me that I am going next door for a cuppa later. This cheered me up enormously due to the fact that normally when we get together with the other girls we laugh until we cannot breath. She then threw into the conversation that there would be cake at this little get together...........C.A.K.E with a capital C. Now, I was fully cheered up....

Once I arrived the smell of baking wafted through the door and there she was in full flow of icing the little beauty. Not just a plain old icing but a soft butter cream with Lemon Curd whipped in......OMG OMG OMG. Myself and my other friend both groaned in sheer pleasure at the finished product, a perfect cake, a perfect example of happiness on a plate. It was as if I had slipped into a Mary Berry cookbook as my neighbour (knowing me just a little bit too well) sliced me a humongous piece and passed it to me along with a glass of cloudy lemonade. (I know what you are all thinking. ....... HEAVEN).

It was at this moment I think I slipped into a slight coma as we moaned and groaned in appreciation at the light fluffy and lemony (not sure if that's a word but anyway) sponge.
My mood seemed to disappear with each mouthful and as I left I even did a little skip round the corner, I am now raring to go with the packing and have even got my ironing all ready to go.

It just goes to show you. A little bit of what you fancy really does do you good.

I will leave you with the photo I took inbetween dribbling and making weird noises. xxxxxxxx

Friday, 25 May 2012

When The Postman Knocks.

Can I just point out that this isn't me. ...I wish.
Picture the scene.......My new gorgeous rather expensive bathing suits have arrived, beautifully packaged with tissue paper and love. I have never ever spent a lot of money on swim wear but with the big holiday coming up this year I thought I would splash out (pardon the pun).

In my excitement at them arriving and the fact that it is about 90 degrees today I happily strip off in my lounge oblivious to the outside world.(Just for the record I have a very long front garden and I did check to see if anyone was around first before baring all.)

Now as all you ladies know, you always keep your knickers on so that if you need to send the costume back you can. But when it comes to the bra....well that came well and truly off.
So there I am with my new one piece on and feeling very happy with my purchase. I merrily strip off all the time thinking how lovely it would be to be a naturist and put the second one on when suddenly out of the corner of my eye I spot a red van pulling up outside.....

"OH MY GOOD GOD JESUS CHRIST".....Its only the bloody postman delivering another package for The Teenager that I had completely forgotten about. In my haste to get the costume off the sticky label that protects the crutch gets stuck to my knickers and then down they come too.
I have to get dressed.....I have to get this parcel.....I have to think of something.......On goes the cropped jeans over the top of the dangling cossie plus knickers, on goes the tea shirt minus the bra/scaffolding (please don't picture this if you are eating). I look around for the nearest thing to cover my hanging boobies....In desperation I grab the dog up into my arms and open the door.

"Hello there" says the postman stroking the dog..
"Hi, how are you" I happily reply "enjoying the warm weather" I carry on.....In my head someone is screaming "SHUT UP AND GET RID OF HIM" but oh no not me, I have a bloody chat with him whilst clutching the dog to my chest.
"I bet you like it hot don't you" he says to me in a  sort of smirking/laughing type of way.

It was at this moment the realisation dawns on me that maybe just maybe the huge mirror hanging in my living room may of reflected a naked me to him as he came up the path.

Please don't feel sorry for me.....Just feel sorry for the poor postman.

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Size Really Does Matter

I have a real problem with size, not the size of people or the size of someones car, OH NO! I have a real problem with ordering the right size when it comes to Internet shopping.

Last week I did my food shopping online at a very well known supermarket (who shall remain nameless as they get quite enough publicity). I planned my weekly meals down to the last potato.
When the shopping arrived I could hear The Husband laughing to himself as he helped unpack it all. I went into the kitchen to see what all the hilarity was about. This is what I found.....

1. 1 humongous 3kg bag of pasta. (Enough to feed every Italian in the whole county).

2. 2 tiny bottles of wine. (Easy to store but not even enough for one glass).

3. A piece of Beef (I though it was a bargin at £4.99....Turns out it was
£4.99 per 1kg and the joint weighed do the math).

4. Light Philadelphia Cheese Spread (Ordered 2 and didn't realise they were buy 1 get 1 free so ended up with 4 of the bloody things).

5. Clover  (Its only The Husband that eats it so only get a small one...on this occasion I ordered a 1kg tub of it).

So you can now understand why he was chuckling to himself. I really do have no sense of weight or size when it comes to food shopping.
Up until yesterday I thought that this was my only problem, little did I know that it had now spread to shoes and clothes.

The Whirlwind had his taster day at Secondary school today and had to wear his PE kit, with that in mind I ordered him a brand new pair of size 4 trainers.

I'm not going to say another word other than spot the deliberate mistake.............. (His old ones are on  the right).

Lots of Love
Me xxxxxxxxxxxx

Saturday, 19 May 2012

Mystic Lipstick.

Last night I took the Northern Mother to see The Sally Morgan Live show, for those who have never heard of her.....(Sally Morgan I mean, not The Northern Mother.)  She is a physic medium and a very good one at that.

I love all that ghostly stuff and The Northern Mother (who will now be known as NM from this point on) absolutely loves it.

WE arrived at the venue filled with hope that one of our dead relatives may come through to us with a message of where the family treasure may be hidden love and devotion. As we took our seats and waited for the show to begin I did my usual favourite past time... People Watching. It struck me that all of these people were all thinking exactly the same thing as me and that they also had convinced themselves that it would be them that got the message.

Many weird things have been happening to me and the NM lately, like things going missing and lights flickering so we were of course convinced that out of the 1000 people watching the show it would be us.

The show began with the lovely Sally coming on to a huge cheer and then she explained that if the message was for you a microphone would be handed to you and your face would appear on the huge screen behind her for everyone to see. This sent me into a complete state of panic as I riffled through my handbag to retrieve my hairbrush and my lip gloss. "What the hell are you doing?" asked the NM. "There is no way I'm going on that massive screen without my lippy" I replied. "Oh for gods sake" she said as she also grappled through her messy handbag looking for a lipstick. HOW VAIN ARE WE !!

Sally was very accurate in her messages, especially when she told a poor girl that she could see twins coming along. This lady stood next to her mother as Sally relayed her a message from beyond and the look on her mothers face as her daughter admitted that she was 2 months pregnant and hadn't told anyone yet was priceless. However....this was all very nice and fluffy but when was it going to be our time, every time she moved on to another person we applied more and more lip gloss,brushed our hair and rearranged our bra straps until we both resembled a pair of clowns with our boobs up under our chins. Finally as she was talking to someone else a strange thing happened. The lady who was on the screen made her daughter stand up and just as she did I remarked in a unintentionally loud voice that she looked just like my hairdresser "Shhhhhh" said the NM "What" I replied. "She Does".

It was at this point that Sally suddenly stopped ,turned to her left and said very loudly "GEORGE"!!  This was my grandads name and the one we were hoping would come through. My mum gasped and I grabbed her leg so hard she winced in pain. "Its him" mum whispered.
Sally carried on and said "I'm sorry George, you will have to hang on. I am not finished with this lady yet".
I looked at mum and she looked at me........we both grabbed for our handbags at the same time and ended up getting the wrong lipsticks. I didn't care though as long as I looked OK for our big screen moment. (This feeling was short lived as I realised my mum wears a shocking pink colour.)
But it was too late and she was moving on, I frantically kissed the back of my hand to remove some of it and waited............. and waited................."OOOOOOO, hang on" said Sally "I've a lady sitting on the edge of the stage right here (not a real lady you understand) and she is trying to get a message through to a.......Maureen."
"WHAT!!" the NM sort of whispered/shouted.
"What about George.....forget the bloody lady sitting on the stage the bloody gatecrasher, wheres George gone" I said.

And that was it, no mention of George and no message for us. To say we were disappointed would of been an understatement, why oh why hadn't she carried on with him. It was obviously him (never mind that the rest of the auditorium might have a relative called George) that was my Grandad or Dangrad as I called him.

We left the show with heavy hearts and walked back to the underground car park, chatting about the evening and how wonderful it would of been if he had come through for us, we both laughed at how unscary it was and that it wouldn't bother us if we did see a ghost. That was until we got back to the car which when we had parked it hadn't noticed how very dark and lonely the car park actually was.

As we reached the car the light above us flickered................"Open the bloody doors" I shouted as mum searched through her handbag. "I cant find my keys, my bags all mixed up because of the constant searching for my lipstick" she shouted back.
Finally she found them and we got in that car so quickly and locked the doors anyone would think we were under attack from a Scooby Doo monster.
The light continued to flicker and the car wouldn't start straight away. Exactly at the same time we both said "GEORGE" and that was that , the car started and the light stopped flickering above us.

We drove home smiling to ourselves that maybe just maybe it was him and that it was his way at telling us not to be sad and that he was on that stage all the time watching us making total fools of ourselves plastering our lips in gloss.

I cannot say for sure that I am a firm believer and I am fine with that. It is nice to think that when my time comes someone might be there waiting for me.

 One things for sure though.....I not going up there without my lippy.

Lots of Spooky Love

Thursday, 17 May 2012

Tots 100 Book Review - The Woman Who Went To Bed For A Year by Sue Townsend

I was so please to of been chosen by the rather lovely Nikki Thomas at @stressymummy to do a book review for the The Tots 100 Book Club. I am an avid reader and enjoy a very wide selection of books. If I have a free afternoon, I love nothing more than sitting in my comfy chair with a cuppa and a good book.
It was my birthday recently and my mum gave me the funniest book to read called The Woman Who Went To Bed For A Year.
This book made me chuckle from the very first page.

Eva is a 50 something woman who is at a real cross roads in her life. Her twins have gone off to university and her husband is more interested in where his next meal is coming from to even notice that Eva is about to snap.

The story begins with a spoon covered in Tomato Soup being left on her precious upholstered arm chair. She goes into the kitchen, retrieves the saucepan with the soup in and promptly throws it all over the chair. Then very calmly goes upstairs and gets into bed and that is where she stays....For a Year.

Is Eva having a breakdown or is she as her husband thinks just doing it for attention. Word of Eva's refusal to get out of bed spreads and before long she is receiving letters and gaining quite a fan base.

And, though the world keeps turning and intruding, it is from her bed that she at last begins to understand freedom.

There are some brilliant moments between Eva and her husband as well as the story touching on the lives of her twins at university, and the mysterious but lovely stranger called Alexander.

This book not only made me laugh but made me think how lovely it would be to do what Eva had done and go to bed for a year and think.

I would like to pass this Tots 100 Book Review Baton onto the brilliant @_sarahmiles_ who manages to make me smile on a regular basis and whose blog is fantastic. I hope she enjoys this book which is now being sent to her along with some chocolate from the people at The Tesco Book Club

Other books that I have read recently and loved are...

Poker Face by Jess Sturman Coombs.

Poker Face

A Tiny Bit Marvellous by Dawn French .

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Thank God For Gin & Tonic.

I made a fatal error when having my children. I don't mean a fatal error in actually having them but the timings of it all. Why didn't I think ahead instead of just "Oh I know.....Lets have another baby". The age gap between The Teenager and The Whirlwind is exactly 3 years and 6 months. Now I know that it seems the perfect distance between them but let me tell you something.....ITS NOT !!
I say this because at this present moment in time I have 2 very stressed out kids, this is due to the fact that The Teenager is taking her GCSE exams and The Whirlwind is sitting his SATS all this week.
Now, if you do the maths you will see that.....

2 x Kids (each needing help with revision) 
+ 1 Mummy (who is now an expert in Prime numbers and the genetic structure of our DNA )
/  Housework, ironing,cooking dinner and dog walking  
-  My Marbles  
= Mummy needing Gin & Tonic a lot earlier than usual.

By the time The Husband gets home from work I am wearing a kind of glazed look (oh no...wait a minute....that's because I am drunk).
The kids by this time are happily getting ready for bed feeling pleased with themselves for revising (well The Teenager is, The Whirlwind couldn't give a hoot) and I am still seeing Prime Numbers, Nouns and DNA pictures floating past my eyes.

I have to say in true genetic fashion that The Teenager being a girl is amazing at revision and has covered her room with little yellow post it notes so that she can go to sleep surrounded by her thoughts.
The Whirlwind on the other hand being a boy has to be drugged  dragged kicking and screaming to get any revision done. His idea of revising is 2.5 minutes skimming over his book, then announcing that hes done and its not his fault he doesn't like revising as "I am Mum, DONT forget.....A BOY".

The Teenager has a beautiful pencil case filled with everything needed for the exams.....The Whirlwind has a crappy stumpy pencil in his trouser pocket and an eraser in the other one.

It has to be said that being a stay at home mum has slightly fuddled my once very active brain and suddenly being faced with a GCSE Biology book was quite frankly sodding scary. I don't remember all this stuff when I did Biology, all I remember is being totally grossed out when our teacher used to bring in dead things for us to dissect, I used to wonder if she got up an extra hour early to look along the roadside for dead creatures or if she had actually bred these things for dissection and then on the morning of the lesson smacked them over the head with a blunt instrument and packed them up for us.
Either way, it was gross !!

Anyway, my fuddled brain is actually stirring and I can feel it gently waking up and actually understanding some of this stuff......Until yesterday I had no idea that we had 23 pairs of chromosomes, the only thing concerning pairs that I knew was that I had 23 pairs of shoes.

So onwards and upwards I must go and embrace the whole revision/torture sessions I am having to partake in each evening. I will get them through this and I will look composed and calm throughout this process. Tonight however is Physics and English and I am not sure if I will have a clue what they are talking about.

Never mind with the power of Gin & Tonic I can get through anything, whether I will still be awake at the end of it is a whole other issue.

Lots of Love
Me xxx

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Blogging4Madeleine Blog Awareness Campaign

Lead Organisers in the #Blogging4Madeleine Blog Awareness Campaign
Today is Saturday the 12th May, just another Saturday to most of us. The majority of us will of woken up to the sounds of our children laughing, fighting or even playing. We will go about our business as usual doing housework, shopping or just relaxing with the family.
Can you imagine waking up today in Kate and Gerry McCanns house, it will probably be much the same in some ways but in 1 big way it will be so different. Today you see will be Madeleine McCanns  9th birthday but she wont be opening gifts with her family today. Gerry and Kate will undoubtedly try and carry on for the sake of their other younger children, but there will be many private moments when they will remember the day that Madeleine was born and how never in their wildest dreams could they of imagined being without her today or any day.
I am sad but privileged to be involved in spreading the word that she is STILL missing and that Gerry,Kate,the twins and the whole world needs to find her.
Below is vital information about her disappearance . Please don't stop reading this, and re post it anywhere you can so that we never forget or stop searching for this little girl.

Happy 9th Birthday Madeleine xxxx

·         Madeleine went missing:
o   Whilst on holiday in Praia da Luz, Portugal on Thursday 3rd May 2007.

·         Contact information to report any sightings or information

o   Your local police force immediately, AND

o   Operation Grange
0207 321 9251 (in the UK)
+44 207 321 9251 (non-UK)

o   OR Crimestoppers in confidence on 0800 555111 or

·         The Find Madeleine official website

·         This is the latest image of how she may look now.

All this information is available from
Thank you to for giving everyone the opportunity to link up our blogs and spread the word.
And a huge thank you to AMummysView and Tea and Biscotti who have been the lead organiser’s for this heartfelt campaign.

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Goodbye 40. Hello 41.

Tomorrow is my birthday, its not a very big birthday and certainly not as huge as the big 40 which was last year. Being 41 got me thinking about the title of my blog and whether or not I should change it to The 40ish Year Old Domestic Goddess or The 40+ Year Old Domestic Goddess. After a lot of soul searching I have decided to leave it as it is. Why? Well the answer is simple......I have no intention of getting any older in the blogging world and lets face it, its the one place you can stay forever young. I did think about adding several years on so that when people ask how old I am and I say 49 they would hopefully say "wow you look good for your age".
I have to say that this past year has been without a doubt one of the best ever. I sat and read the blog I wrote on the day I turned 40 and smiled to myself. I was so worried and nervous about it all that I failed to notice the huge amount of love and support I had around me.

In my blog dated 11/5/2011 I wrote the following paragraph......

They say that life begins at 40.....but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eye sight and the tendency to tell a story to the same person 3 or 4 times.
Well I say bring it on......if my arches fall I will wear stilettos, if rheumatism comes along I wont have to go to the gym any more, if my eyes go wrong then that's a great excuse to eat someone else's pudding and claim that I thought it was mine and as for telling a story more than once, well I do that anyway so what the hell.

So lets analyse the above mentioned shall we.
1. Luckily my arches didn't fall, however I have now reverted to flat shoes as for some reason whenever I wear heels I look like a baby deer ice skating.

2. Rheumatism did not (thank god) come along and I am still going to the gym. We will not mention this due to unforeseen circumstances involving a piece of loo paper and a bad case of wind see blog dated 26/04/12.

3. Eye sight, well yes as predicted my eyesight literally went bad over night. I now have to hold a book about 6 feet away to read it and if someone can hold it down the end of the garden then that's even better.

4. Telling a story to the same person 3 times....Well I now do that on a daily basis due to all of you lovely followers reading my blog.

As well as worrying about all of that the main thing that bothered me was that I would feel different. Well that's true in many ways, I do feel different. Its like a switch has been turned on in my head and suddenly I can see things so much clearer. People that are in my life are there because I want them there and not just because I should have them in it. I suddenly appreciate all the little things that I took for granted before, all the small gestures of kindness that I come across each day and all the smiles that greet me.
The kids are suddenly becoming self sufficient and The Husband and I find ourselves alone most Saturday evenings while the kids are off out at sleepovers and get togethers. We have reverted to becoming extremely childish ourselves and laugh until we cannot breathe. The kids (when home) just look on in total embarrassment and then do that thing where they glance at each other and as if telepathic, then both roll their eyes in unison.
Sundays are family days, and we all make sure we are in each others company. I want my kids to look back with fond memories of our Sunday strolls and dinner round the table and their Dad doing his groovy dance moves as he cooks Sunday lunch. While I look on helplessly laughing.

Its a shame that it has taken me this long to really feel comfortable in my own skin and stop worrying about what every other bugger thinks. I am going to cherish the last few years of the kids actually wanting to come on holiday with us and am going to enjoy watching them grow up to be the amazing adults that I know they will be.

I guess what I am trying to say to anyone that is yet to reach 40 is that you do change and its definitely for the better. If you have younger children cherish them now and don't let anyone ever make you fell that you are not doing a fantastic job. People may try and put you down or crush your dreams but remember to keep them alive in your head and heart and eventually your time will come to shine.

I know that this isn't my usual style of writing and for that I apologise. So with that in mind  ...........   I am off to change my incontinence knickers for the 4th time today and then I shall be off to pluck my chin hair. Once those little joyous tasks are completed I shall then be slipping into something more comfortable like a coma...................... Oh sorry! Didn't I mention the downsides to turning 40.

Love You All

Saturday, 5 May 2012

I Heart My Snap

I have just joined in with I heart my snap a brilliant website where you can post a favourite photo. I decided that my kids and hubby get enough of a mention in my blogs and that it was time to introduce the blogging world to my 3rd child.
So here he is, my rather lovable but slightly dim Cocker Spaniel Baxter. He is without a shadow of a doubt the most friendliest dog ever. In fact we often joke that when he barks people at the door must think we have a German Shepherd and then he comes out all singing and all dancing. He never minds what mood you are in or how you look he just loves us all unconditionally.
So here you go Baxter, you've made it onto your own blog post and onto I heart my snap website.

Thursday, 3 May 2012

The Home Visit From Hell

Yesterday it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks, my little boy is officially all grown up. This realisation dawned on me in the morning when I bumped into a very lovely friend of mine in the supermarket car park and we got to talking about how our little boys would be starting secondary school soon . I can still remember when he started school.....oh how I can still remember. It actually gives me palpitations even now. I guess I just made home too comfy for him as he just never wanted to go. That included nursery too, he would hang off me like he was never ever going to see me again and I would reluctantly leave with a heavy heart telling myself that he had to go and that he would be OK.
The day that sticks in my memory was when we received our Home Visit for primary school. I sat him down and talked about what was going to happen and how it was very important that he was polite and happy so that the lovely teachers would go back and tell everyone how like his sister he was and how much they were looking forward to him joining their school. He seemed to take it all in but how wrong I was.
My time slot was 10am on Monday and I had mowed the lawns and tidied the house, I had even made cakes (for anyone that knows me, OK OK they were from a packet and I just iced them).
The clock ticked away merrily, I chewed all my nails off and The Whirlwind looked completely relaxed about the whole thing. "Ding Dong" went the bell "Oh S**t" went mummy, "BYE BYE" shouted The Whirlwind as he disappeared up stairs peeling off his clothes as he went. Why oh why do little boys think it is acceptable to be naked all the time,( mind you if you go out in London after midnight the big boys are no better.)
Anyway, I opened the door to see 2 smiley faced teachers standing before me. What happened over the next 20 minutes can only be described as a nightmare to end all nightmares. They came in and I called to The Whirlwind to come down and see our lovely visitors "NO" he replied. I reminded him that there would be no swimming later if he didn't come down "DON'T CARE" he said. The teachers told me it was fine and that in their experience children always came down in the end as curiosity got the better of them. (Oh really,have they met my school hating child).
After what seemed a really long time and much chit chatting I decided to go and retrieve The Whirlwind. As I approached the bottom of the stairs and looked up the sight that met my eyes can only of been described as naked carnage. There he was with not a stitch on sitting with his little shiny bottom hanging over the top step. "What are you doing darling" I said through gritted teeth.
"I make a volcano for the teacher" he replied in his sweet voice.
Before I could get up the stairs the teacher in question came bounding out and was up them like a bat out of hell. I watched on helplessly as he revealed not only his private parts but a volcano made out of CLAY!!! (The clay had come from a set that had been given to him for when he was much much much older.)
The volcano itself was a master piece even if I do say so myself, it was the sanitary towels with wings that he had stuck all over the sides that were a bit dodgy. And for the final touch a great big tampon sticking out the top. To be fair the teacher didn't bat an eyelid, maybe it was the sight of me sliding down the wall that made her react so kindly. "Well how lovely" she said "I can see we have a budding artist on our hands. I think you and I are going to get along just fine". The Whirlwind looked at her straight in the eyes, stood up and placed his hands on his naked hips and said "that's nice coz I don't". He then took the tampon out of the top of the volcano and gave it to her "but thank you for coming to see me". He turned on his heels and wiggled off into his room.
The look on her and my face was priceless. I opened the door in a sort of shocked daze and thanked her for coming and of course apologised many times as she went down the path probably onto the next child who would be totally bloody angelic making mine look even worse (if there could be an even worse).

The only thing I am grateful for is that they don't do home visits for secondary school, god only knows what little gem he would pull out of the bag for that one !!!