Hello again its me the Nearly 40 Year Old Domestic Goddess or as I could be known TN40YODM if it was up to The Teenager who seems to abbreviate every word she says these day "OMG I just CBA any more!!!!". The joys of having a teenage daughter, she seems to have invented a whole new word just by adding "YUA and WA" on the end of everything she says "okYUA.....noWA....I'm comingYUA" you get the drift.
Anyway its December and its only 5 months until the big day arrives (my 40th), my mum has already organised an all day party which knowing my mum will be bigger that Wills and Kates wedding day. I was secretly hoping that my birthday would fall on their big day as everyone would get a day off from work, I wonder how you go about organising a wedding for that many people with that much money to spend, not sure that 3 for 2 party food from Sainsburys will be anywhere near their reception.
My mum is the best at organising food. she has the ability to produce food from anywhere. I remember the day that I gave birth to the Teenager, there I was legs in those stirrup things pushing and panting, sweating and swearing when my mum suddenly produces a cool bag and asks the nurses if they would like a cheese or ham sarnie. I just looked at her in disbelief for her to say to me "don't worry darling I've got chicken too ". She is from up north you see and food is a big thing up there, it was her that introduced me to mushy peas, gravy and curry sauce on my chips, now I cant have them without anything moist going all over them.
Don't get me wrong I bloody love food, what's not to like, I mean there really is nothing better than a huge non low fat meal. I have tried to diet, I have tried every plan out there but I just get so depressed and I am not really that overweight so why not enjoy what I eat. Its all about moderation at the end of the day ......moderate lettuce, carrots and anything else that doesn't need cooking basically.
I have however made a promise to myself that by the time I am 40 (which is in 5 months in case I hadn't mentioned it) I will be a size 12 -14. I just want to go into a shop and not have to go straight to the back of rail to look for my size. I want to be able to walk through a shop with the item in question hung over my arm and not feel the need to hide the size 18-20 label that is swinging as if saying "whoooooooo look how fat she is". It would be nice not to have the shop assistants look at me with that patronising I'm a size 10 look on their faces whilst for reasons only known to them they shout at the top of their skinny lungs "SIZE 18". At which point I find myself turning round to the people in the queue and telling them its for my mum (who is annoyingly a size14).
What is it about us ladies that makes us question our bodies, I have never met anyone who is 100% happy with their body shape, I was recently at a party and got talking to a friend of mine who to me is perfect in every way, size 10 figure, gorgeous shiny hair, lovely nails and skin like a porcelain doll. I mentioned that if I had the guts I would love to have a boob lift (this stems from the time that my 9 year old looked at me in the shower and asked if The Teenager would have LONG
boobs like me when she was older). We spoke for a while (mainly me) about all the work we would have done and I said how lucky she was that she didn't have to worry about all that stuff being that she was a walking talking supermodel. She looked at me completely horrified and just laughed "you must be joking" she said " there isn't enough money in the world for me to fix all of my imperfections". "like what" I replied. She then went on......and on......and on a bit more and listed things like cheek implants, bum implants, calve implants and her desire to have a designer vagina!!! YES THAT'S RIGHT A DESIGNER VAGINA. I mean, I didn't even know you could get that done, what for, unless you go around with it on your face for everyone to see. The sad thing was that she was absolutely serious about the whole thing. The implants come from other peoples fat, so with that in mind I offered to sell her mine.........strangely she declined!! I'm not sure if we have stopped calling each other because I offered to sell her my body fat or if its just the thought that she might want to show me her minny ha ha one day . (I wonder how many of my friends reading this are now thinking "who's she talking about", My lips (pardon the pun) are sealed).
Right that's it for now folks, will write again soon.
Lots of love