Puzzled......

I am officially a Puzzler...............Not in a "wondering what the hell is going on" kind of way but a master of placing little cardboard pieces in amongst a jumble of colours and sizes kind of way.

Confused ?????? ...................................Let me explain.

We received a jigsaw over the Xmas period to which I am ashamed to say I laughed at and thought "how old do you think I am?" and "You obviously think I have too much time on my hands". It was only when I was incredibly bored one afternoon that I thought I might give it a go......................How hard can it be for Gods sake....................................I'll have it done in an hour..............................Whilst doing the housework..............WRONG WRONG and WRONG again.

I remember watching my Nan separate the little pieces out into different boxes so that she had all the bits with white on in one and red pieces in another. The jigsaw would sit there unfinished for days and I was always allowed to put the last piece in which resulted in a huge cheer from my Grandparents as if I had done the whole thing myself.

Anyway, there I am with 1000 pieces of little bits of cardboard laid out in front of me..........DO THE EDGES FIRST I hear my Nans voice in my head....................................So, I did. I must just point out that it was at this point I realised I needed glasses.

After an hour I was ready to chuck it through the patio doors and forget I ever had it but then something happened...............Something I didn't expect............................The Teenagers appeared and did something very strange, something quite out of the ordinary for two humans that usually come in and launch their bags anywhere they see a space on the floor then disappear upstairs grunting about their "RUBBISH" day. 

They stopped, stared at the puzzle and began to pick pieces up looking for a home for them. I in turn wasn't sure whether to slope off without making a sound and leave them to it in the hope that they might finish it. I watched for ages as they laughed and shouted "YES" when a piece fitted in, I made everyone a cuppa and we all stood round working together.........................To be totally honest after 2 hours we had only managed 20 bits but it was the harmony and laughter that I was amazed at. The usual arguing of who said what was replaced with chatter about school and how they both fancied Pizza for tea.

It didn't stop there either, each day someone would pop in and have a go too, it became quite a race to see who could reach the end. The Female Teen was fabulous at it and I watched in amazement at her ability to find a piece I had been looking for all day, her friends came round and had a go too and I started to wish we would never finish it so that this moment could last forever.

Then, yesterday it all came to an end...........................I looked at the table and realised there were only 20 bits left, I was alone and this was not the way I wanted it to end.............................I wanted everyone to be together and cheer at our joint achievement.....................Yeah Right...................................As If........................................I  totally wanted to be the one that completed it.................And I did.

The last piece slotted in with ease and I lifted my hands up like I had won the World Cup.......................I hadn't of course, just the satisfaction that it was done. 

It"s still sitting on the dining room table today and I can't quite bring myself to take it apart, I know I must....................It can't sit there forever.......................We have been eating on our laps for a bloody week...........................Mr DG can't work from home as theres no room.....................But, and more importantly the other reason it has to go is actually quite simple.

I need the table for the next one I've just ordered.

Lots of Love

The 40 Year Old Domestic Goddess Experienced Puzzler Extraordinaire.

xxx

The Tea Dance

If you read my last post you will know that we had some sad news over the Christmas period and Mr DG's beloved Nan passed away. During the clearing of her flat he stumbled across this beautiful poem written on a piece of paper and hidden away.

We can only assume that it was a very special and much loved poem that she liked so much she kept it safe and sound for many years. She and I had a very similar sense of humour so you can see why I loved the fact it fell into my hands.

It is her funeral this Friday and I thought it would be nice to share it with you all and hope that she is looking down and smiling.

There is no named author on it so if anyone knows please let me know and I can credit them too.

The Tea Dance

It's the Sunday tea dance and they'll be here today

Aches and pains forgotten, dance the afternoon away

Foxtrots, quicksteps, waltzes, some slow but some still nifty

With memories of how it was back in 1950

Norman's in the toilet and he's struggling to pee

He's got trouble with his prostrate and he'll likely miss his tea.

Eddy's got a new love that he met in Thornton Heath

She does a lovely tango, but she hasn't any teeth

His latest fancy footwork nearly broke his partners neck

Thought he was Fred Astaire, or something I suspect!

Ida's had her hair done and she's ready for the saunter

She had a vindaloo last night and it's coming back to haunt her

Florry's mini skirt's revealing when she's spinning in the jive

She really shouldn't wear a thong approaching 85.

They've had their tea and cake and chat and had a little laugh

And gamely rise with creaking knees to face the second half

Norman's made it back in time for a rumba number one

His cucaracha's very neat but he's left his flies undone!

Vera's fallen over in a massive crimplene heap

Bert's got indigestion and Mabel's fast asleep.

Its waltz time and up they get for Humperdink's old tune

And then; Goodbye, good luck, take care God willing see you soon.

Author
Derek Prothero

I'm Back.............

Morning all and a very happy new year to everyone who reads my ramblings and rants. I feel like I should say sorry for not blogging for so long but there have been strange goings on here.

It has been exactly 48 days since I blogged last and my last post talked a lot about going back to work and my fears concerning returning to the work place after 18 years. I haven't changed my mind and am hoping to stumble across my calling any time soon. The past couple of months have been....................Well.............How can I put it.................Shit to be honest.

After having a tooth out back in November I developed the most horrendous jaw pain which was 24hours of constant give me more drugs mind numbing excruciating pain...................I won't bore you with all the details but you get the drift. The final conclusion after seeing the specialist and the words "Tumour" and "Cyst" being launched at me was that it was just taking my jaw a long time to heal and the possibility that I have started grinding my teeth at nighttime...........................A night time mouth guard has been suggested which along with the Tena Ladies, thick socks for bad circulation and a dodgy back will make me feel and look totally sexy.........How will Mr DG keep his hands off me.....................This is the question I find myself wondering.

As Christmas approached I started to feel a little bit better and the tray of pain killers, Antibiotics and various other paraphernalia was put to one side in place of Wine..............This seemed to not only numb the pain but worryingly made me feel better.

Just as I thought things were on the up we very sadly lost Mr DG's much loved Nan. To say we were sad was an understatement and Christmas really seemed to be pointless, the kids were not coping at all with it and we decided to pull ourselves together and really make an effort to enjoy the time we had together. After all there is no way she would want us to be sad at her most favourite time of the year and although we missed her and our hearts ached we remembered her in our own way on Christmas morning.

As we woke up on New Years Day we smiled at the thought of a spanking brand new year stretching out in front of us. This is the year The Female Teen aka HRH goes off to University and that is the most exciting thing ever for her. The Male Teen aka Sparky is about to choose his options and the realisation of hard work is poking its head around the corner almost goading him.

Mr DG and I have become Dry Athletes for the month of January and so far so good although I almost caved last night when I found out how much flowers are for a funeral............................

I am so excited for my blog this year and am in the process of designing a spin off series called I'm In A Uni Daze which will be useless to most of you but to others who have Teens about to start the daunting path of University decisions I am hoping it may come in handy if not just to make you laugh as I fumble my way through it pretending to know what the hell is going on.

So, there we go............................My back to blogging first post. I am sorry if it has been a bit depressive and can assure that normal service will return very soon.

Hoping you are all well and haven't forgotten me.

Lots of Love
Me
xxxxxxx

Its Time..........



As I waved the Teens off this morning something suddenly struck me.............................Not literally like a brick or something......................Metaphorically hit me.

I need to start thinking about going back to work........................................................Hang on..............................................................I'm just composing myself and checking that I did just say that out loud.

I have been a stay at home Mum since 1997 and that folks is a whopping 17 years...............................Mr DG and I decided that it was the right thing to do and that is what I have been doing ever since. I have loved every minute and will always be grateful that I had the opportunity to do it BUT.......................................................And its a big BUT..................................I want more......................................It's time to feel that I am doing something for me.

The female Teen is off to Uni next year and that in itself is going to be challenging (for me not her) and the boy Teen is so self sufficient that I sometimes forget that he's even here until he asks for food or money.

I think there have been warning signs that I spend too much time at home..........................

1. I actually found myself hitting the schedule button for Jeremy Kyle
2. I cleaned my kitchen floor not once but twice by mistake
3. I know exactly what time it is purely by what's on the TV
4. People ring me then sound shocked when they have to leave a message because I am out
5. I find myself talking to the dog.

Its not that I want to go back to work full time but I need to start putting things in place, maybe a little part time job.......................................................But............................Doing what exactly ???

This is my dilemma, I love the craft business I run with a friend but it really is seasonal. I love blogging and reviewing things but its a very solitary activity.........................................................

I think the biggest part of it is that actually I am terrified of venturing back out there into the work place. It all comes down to confidence doesn't it and that my friends is my biggest problem......................................

I would love to hear from anyone who has gone back to work after a long spell at home, any tips would be gratefully appreciated.

Wish me luck
Lots of Love
Me
xxxx

A Dolce Gusto Review

Its no secret that I am a huge coffee fan..........................Its fair to say that I love it possibly more than chocolate.....................I was therefore beyond excited when the lovely people at Dolce Gusto asked me if I would like to review not one but three Espresso coffee pods.

I received a fabulous gift box filled with coffee pods, a cupcake and the most gorgeous little Espresso cups and saucers which are just the cutest things ever.

I must confess that I didn't try all three on the same day as I was slightly worried I might not be able to sleep.

I had tried the Lungo and the Espresso Intenso before and loved them both but I had never tried the brand new Ristretto Ardenza before. I was not disappointed at all, the flavour was delicious and as an after dinner coffee it was just perfect.

The Ristretto Ardenza is the new flavour and is now available to purchase from the Webshop as an online-exclusive new variety.

As an added little extra they are also giving away boxes of Ristretto Ardenza for fans on their Dolce Gusto Facebook page to try on The Pod (here: www.thepod.co.uk) until the 27^th of October. 30 people will win a free box to be among the first to try the new variety.

You don't have long so hop on over there and have a peep.

I'm off to grab another cup of coffee.

Lots of Love

Me

xxxxx

Disclaimer - I was sent the Dolce Gusto Espresso Hamper free of charge for the purpose of this review but all opinions are completely my own.

Changes.

Changes are coming I can feel them like a small niggle in the back of my head, not always there but definitely present somewhere in the depths of my brain........................................................Her provisional driving license arrived today along with a letter from one of her chosen Universities, I looked at them for a long time before stuffing them in a drawer then taking them back out again only to once again throw them in the drawer and shut it tightly.

I want to do this to time..........................I want to grab time by the hair and stick it in a drawer until another day.

How can we be doing this, how can we actually be contemplating buying her a car and deciding where she is going to go to Uni..............................................................................................She is too young.................................No, she's not................................Yes she is...............................................

"Get a grip" is a statement I regularly tell myself, "pull yourself together you complete nelly" is another thing I will say whilst looking in the mirror.

I am either going to fall to pieces or embrace the whole situation fully, I will cry I know this much.........................I am an ugly crier and have often caught myself looking like I have a bad case of constipation whilst tears stream down my face. Friends have informed me that it is by far one of the worst days of your life when you have to leave a child at Uni. I have visions of never leaving and just moving to wherever she is just so I can see her every day..................................................The male teen is all for it and has secretly admitted to me that he cant even think about her going away. Who would of thought that he would of even noticed her absence. He doesn't want her room (as its bigger) even though she has offered it to him in exchange for his little room being done up for when she is home. He wants it left for her just as it is.............................................................................................

God, I am being a right moaner aren't I, sorry.............................Actually, I'm not sorry.

I'm bloody sad...................Cross..............Proud...............Excited...................Confused.........A mixture of emotions.

OK!!!! You get the picture, I am not going to bang on anymore......................................I will get through this that much I know, she is going to have the most fantastic time and as long as she is happy and safe then I am too.

I must warn you that I will be blogging from time to time about this whole process in great lengths which some of you might find helpful either for now or even in the future................................I am determined to take a comical approach to all this as its my way of dealing with it I think (not that you would know it from this post) and hope that I can gain advice and tips from anyone else who has already been through it.

This post was sponsored by Gin and tissues............xxxx

Wet Socks.

 

The rain fell, the wind howled

I made the toast whilst they watched and scowled

"Please oh please wont you take us today?"

"We'll get soaked out there and it is on your way".

 

"Alright" I replied whilst stirring my tea

"YIPPEE" yelled The Teens leaping with glee

"I'm leaving in five so don't muck around,

If your not ready then your gonna get drowned".

 

To the car we all ran, umbrellas up high

The dog sensed my panic and started to cry

She looked at him and I knew there was trouble

I started the car and sped off on the double.

 

"For Gods sake move over, your hogging the seat"

"Oh shut up you Diva and get your bag off my feet"

"Muuuummmmm" she cried "I cant fit it all in"

"Try packing less makeup" he said with a grin.

 

I wanted to turn and scream at them "NO"

But the car was steamed up and we needed to go

"She's got soooo much stuff" he turned and yelled at her

"And now look" he said "She's crushed my Ciabatta".

 

I pulled up outside and sighed with relief

"OH NO" said the boy "I haven't done my teeth"

"There's no time for that, here have some gum.

Now get out the car and bloody well RUN"

 

I arrived back at home feeling quite in a muddle

Stepped out of the car and straight into a puddle

That's it I thought I'm cancelling today

Indoors I will go and there I will stay.

 

THE END

 



If You Go Into The Attic Today......

Whilst most of you were probably enjoying the Bank Holiday weekend I was in fact doing the unenviable task of clearing out my loft. What started as a quick "can you go into the loft and get me that bag of shoes" turned out to be the most epic, revolting and quite frankly knackering Saturday ever. The Husband is the only one who ever goes up into The Black Hole ,as none of us are brave enough not since the last time when the most enormous spider fell onto my head.
This spider was so big I swear it winked at me as I ran round screaming whilst it sat comfortably on my head, The Teenager locked herself in her room and The Whirlwind decided it would be great fun to catch it and keep it as a pet called Steve. That little fantasy came to an abrupt end when The Husband stamped on it with his size 12 shoe ....Goodbye Steve.
Anyway back to the loft. We have lived in our little house for 12 years now so you can imagine the clutter that has been thrown stored up there. Many things came down that I haven't seen for a long time. Here is a list of just some of the more memorable things.

1. 2 boxes of baby memorabilia, including both kids umbilical clips (one even had something resembling a mushroom still on it).
2. 6 odd shoes. (my point about how you always only ever see one left shoe by the side of the road is finally made).
3. 2 books on sex. First book is the Karma Sutra (well that's out due to my back and the Husbands lack of flexibility) and the second is 101 ways to please your partner (at no stage in this book did it say "a cup of tea and a cream cake will please your partner).
4. A toaster, kettle, toilet (yes toilet), thermos and a potty. (it was at this point that I asked the Husband to check thoroughly that a small family hadn't been living right above our heads).
5. My wedding dress.

Item number 5 brought back a memory that I just had to sit and relive for a while. And now I am going to share it with you as it is just to funny to remain in my head.

The day before I got married in the above mentioned dress my Mother had kindly offered to put my 3 bridesmaids and me up in her little cottage. The day started well with me and 2 of my bridesmaids happily decorating the venue and generally being excited. My third bridesmaid who will remain nameless (she is in fact the same one who in my last blog drove me through a hedge in her car) arrived from her home land of Spain and the scene was set for a great evening.

I cant quite remember who had the idea of giving her and my Mother a couple of sleeping tablets but one of us clearly had our reasons. The 3rd bridesmaid spent most of night shouting out in her sleep and accusing everyone of various crimes and wanting jelly and my Mother slept like a baby.............until 6am.
(At this stage I must point out that I was sharing a room with her ).
I opened my eyes and suddenly remembered that my big day had finally arrived, the day I had been painstakingly planning for a whole year. I lay there for a while wondering if the door would open and breakfast on a tray with a flower would appear. I listened for any movements but nothing. Suddenly a groan sounded from the other side of the room and then a slight whisper of "HELP ME".
As I turned over the sight that meet me was not pleasant.......The Mother was sitting bolt upright in bed with her top lip curled under which was well and truly stuck to her teeth. "HELP ME PLEASE"
she shouted "I CANT FEEL MY FACE".

What then happened was panic, panic and a bit more panic then me shouting for help and the others (minus the 3rd bridesmaid as the tablets had had a similar effect on her) running around trying to unglue my mothers lips from her teeth, this process took about an hour and resulted in Mum having a slight look of Ken Dodd for most of the morning. The 3rd bridesmaid to this day is still oblivious to the whole thing. However people have commented on what full lips she has in my photos.

After remembering this incident I cant say I was much help as I then had to ring Mum to relive the whole thing with her.
Anyway the loft is now completely finished and The Husband seems very pleased with himself at the emptiness of it. What I haven't told him is that most of the stuff he sent down is now in my cupboard waiting for me to go and have a good look through it and then it will all have to go back up there again.

Still he'll be pleased when he realises Ive kept the 2 books down here !!!!

CardNest A Beautiful Review

Have you ever felt that twinkle of excitement when its your birthday and the postman walks up the driveway carrying a bundle of pretty coloured envelopes? Have you ever opened a letter and thought "just for once, I wish this was something nice" rather than a bill or a piece of junk mail.

I have...........................Many times.





In fact the best thing for me about birthdays are the cards, there is something quite uplifting receiving a card that someone has taken the time to not only write but then walk to a post box and send it to you. I am a huge fan of sending cards and will grab any opportunity to do so even if its just one that says "I'm thinking of you" sometimes that's all that is needed to make a difference to someone's day.





So, you can imagine my utter excitement when I was contacted by the rather fabulous and totally gorgeous people at CardNest.

Here's what they said......................

"Subscribers to CardNest are topped up each month with three ‘bright and beautiful cards for all sorts of occasions’. The idea is that when a birthday creeps up on you or you have a last minute ‘thank you’ to send, you can dig into your CardNest collection, leaving you fluster-free.

Sending a handwritten card to someone we care about can really make their day. As well as those handy greetings, they also send out cards that aren’t occasion specific to help you keep in touch with the extra special people in your life. Whether you want to just say ‘hello’, tell a loved one you miss them or invite them for the weekend, it’s up to you."


I discovered that not only is it a brand spanking new service its wonderful too.
How do I know this ? Well, I have been a bit of a Guinea Pig for them and already received my first delivery. When the gorgeous parcel dropped through my letter box I was not expecting such a beautifully packaged bundle, I couldn't wait to open it and what I found inside was even more fabulous.






Three stunning cards by different artists with envelopes and as if that wasn't enough they even provided the stamps. They were so lovely I almost didn't want to open them but I did and knew exactly who I was going to send them too.








As many of you know I am a great believer in good honest companies and will only give reviews to those that really impress me. CardNest did just that as well as bringing a smile to my face on a bleary Monday morning.

Are you curious ? I bet you are, go on over to their website at CardNest.com and have a look for yourselves.

I really don't think you will be disappointed and as a special treat CardNest are offering all my lovely readers an exclusive coupon code which will give you lucky people 50% off your first month......................................You see, they really are fab.

 

Just put in this code when subscribing - GODDESS40 (This code will expire on 30/11/2014)

Lots of Love
Me
xxxxxxxx

It’s just £7.50/month in the UK and £10/month for subscribers outside of the UK, including delivery (first class stamps are an optional extra and available in the UK only).

Dogs and Conspiricies

I awoke on our final day in Luxembourg with a slight headache but on the plus side it took my mind off my toe which still looked very broken....................................Mr DG was off today so we had the whole day to ourselves, he had arranged for breakfast in bed which made me cry.............................Oh, did I mention I have PMT too now..................................Marvellous.

I definitely knew I had drunk to much yesterday when I opened the hotel door only to see a group of tiny dogs running up and down the corridor. As I shut the door I remarked that I thought my mind had finally gone only to hear a "woof". Mr DG looked and he too said he could see a dog which was some relief as I did wonder if I had finally lost the plot. It turned out that they were not the only dogs in the hotel and were in fact in town for the World Dog Agility Championships.......................Obviously they weren't staying there in the evening but it seemed the corridors were a perfect place to practice "trotting"..........................What ever next.

Headed off for town which he now promised me would be open and it was...............................It was just beautiful and reminded me of Paris, street performers kept us entertained for hours and we wandered round the shops hand in hand all day....................................I think to be honest he holds my hand so I cant reach for my purse and buy anything.......................................................After a lovely lunch and the most amazing cake I have ever tasted we got the bus back to the hotel and collected our cases ready for the evening flight home.

Luxembourg airport was basic to say the least but impeccably clean like the rest of the country. Once through security we settled down to wait for our flight.................................................................

As a nervous passenger this is the time that I spend quietly contemplating my doom and become quite subdued to say the least..............................Mr DG knows this and deals with it in the best way by ignoring me totally and reading the paper. This works well for both of us and we are well practised in it............................The worst thing that can happen to me before a flight is an equally nervous passenger suddenly striking up a conversation with me...............................Unfortunately that is exactly what happened and I was subjected to 1 hour of conspiracy theories about anything to do with air travel. This bloke was way more nervous than me which gave me some comfort but there was no way I could listen to his voice or his assumptions anymore....................................I made our excuses and we left...............................Not only did we leave but we then hid as we could see him looking for us. I am amazed that we didn't get arrested for looking suspicious but luckily we didn't and made it onto the plane with Mr Conspiracy nowhere to be seen.

The flight home was great and my self help App worked wonders yet again, I even managed to have a Gin and Tonic which probably helped quite a bit to be fair.

It had been a wonderful trip and I would love to go back again some day, I missed the kids terribly but they were amazing and I think they actually looked after Grandma instead of her looking after them. To say I am proud of them is an understatement.

I am sure you are all wondering about the "toe"............................Well....................................Sods law.............................As soon as we got back, it stopped hurting and is now looking more like my own toe rather than a joke one. The broom is now firmly back in its proper place and Mr DG has finally admitted that it probably was his fault...................................................................................

Thanks for reading
Lots of Love
Me
xxxx