Parents Evening Olympics

Good morning sports fans and its a lovely day in leafy Sussex, the days events are just about to get underway and we are kicking off with the 100m Steeple Chase...........................................

In lane one we have Pushy Mum who will stop at nothing to get her child in that spotlight.

In lane two its Mrs Look At Your Shoes, this poor soul is clearly scarred from her own haunting memories of childhood parents evenings. This is going to be tough race for her so plenty of encouragement please folks.

In lane three we have the hugely popular I Know The Teachers By Their First Names and there is no stopping her as she limbers up ready to pounce.

In lane four the crowds favourite Mr Memory Lane who proceeds to tell anyone that will listen what a complete wag he was at school much to his child's embarrassment.

And finally in Lane five the undisputed Mrs Raised Brows who has spent much of the warm up session telling everyone how perfect little Johnny is.

The scene is set and the runners are on their starting blocks the atmosphere is electric as a hush falls over the crowds. Its so tense you could cut the air with a knife........................A slight move from one of the runners and someone screams from the crowd "FALSE START.....FALSE START"................

AND THEIR OFF...............................................................................................................................

Its Mrs I Know All The Teachers whose out of the blocks first ,she narrowly avoids knocking Pushy Mum straight over a row of chairs and causing chaos. Pushy Mum holds her ground and elbows her back into her lane............................HOLD ON WHATS THIS.................Mr Memory Lane has just hurdled the Headteacher whose crouched down to do his shoe lace up, he's determined to get to that Science appointment first and makes no apology as he clips the poor man in the head with his foot.

Looking back down the classroom Mrs Raised Eye Brows hasn't even left the blocks due to Little Johnny deciding that now might be a good time to tell her that he got an internal exclusion last week for calling one of his teachers a "Twat" She's livid and has a startled expression on her once smug face.......Poor Little Johnny is getting a right telling off as mum decides to walk the rest of the track with her head hung.

So ladies and gentlemen we are down to just 4 runners and the race is really hotting up..................There are scuffles and shouts as Pushy Mum really lives up to her name and literally does push random parents out of the way to get to that table. The teachers have a stunned expression on their faces as the runners approach, one even covers her head in fear of being trampled.

The finish line is in sight and the competition couldn't be any closer, Mr Memory Lane and Pushy Mum are neck and neck with Mrs I Know All The Teachers trailing behind mainly because she has seen someone she knows and has decided to stop for a chat............................BUT WAIT A MINUTE......................WHATS THIS.......................We had almost written off Mrs Look At Your Shoes who didn't seem to be doing anything but staring at the floor, she is powering through with grace and speed....................................She hurdles the water jump with ease swerving round the other runners without them even noticing...........Mr Memory Lane catches a glimpse of her Ballerina Pumps as she passes him like a rocket.................................The desk is clear, the teacher is ready and ..................And.......................SHES DONE IT........................Mrs Look At Your Shoes is in the chair and already shaking hands with Mr Smith the Science teacher.

What a race we have had here today at the Parents Evening Olympics, the other runners look crushed as Mrs Look At Your Shoes not only wins but gets a glowing report for little Billy as well as a handshake from The Head Teacher who is unfortunately nursing a bruised head due to Mr Memory Lane.

And just when we think its all over the race seems to be off again as Mrs Look At Your Shoes begins to push her chair back ready to move on.....................Mr Memory Lane and Pushy Mum are poised once again......................................AND THEIR OFF.



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