Arggghhhhhh!! Its me.

As I sit here in the hairdressers I am struck by 2 things........Number 1, I am 43 on Sunday and number 2, I am looking old....................................................Small lines have invaded my once smooth young looking face, my eyebrows look thinner and I'm sure I can see a white one........................Maybe its the lighting in here............................Nope...............................On further inspection it is....................................OUCH!............................I've plucked it out. The woman next to me is laughing as I examine the wiry Father Christmas type lone hair.

What the hell is happening to me............................I've looked after myself, I use very expensive face cream which claims to keep you looking younger....................I should look about 10 by now not 75.

Oh God...........................................What is that on my chin.....................................Its another one................Marvellous, I have 2 chins. Would someone please take this mirror away from me..................................That's it.......................I'm turning round to face the other way.............................................ARGHHHHHHHH!..............................There are mirrors everywhere and now I can see a full 360 degree reflected image of myself.

Its no use, I am going to have to except it.........................I turn back to face the front.................There I am.....................................Its not that bad..............................Its me, good old reliable me. Its a face I know and trust and.

I need to get a grip......................All is not lost....................My nails.......................My nails look nice, I will focus on them.................Oh Crap.........................There's a chipped one..................That's definitely it, I am closing my eyes and not opening them until she has finished my hair..................Then I am going to ask for my money back from the nice face cream people.



If my blog has made you smile, chuckle, laugh out loud or dare I say it as someone once said "made me laugh so much I had to whizz to the loo" then please, please, please.......Pretty please.....Slightly begging please.............Verging on desperate please........................Think about voting for me in the rather fabulous Brit Mums Blogging Awards known as the BIBS............................I am super excited to of made it to the semi finals and need every bit of help I can as I am up against some of the finest blogs around. Just click HERE and it will take you straight to the page you need....You will find me in the Laugh Category which is number 13 (unlucky for some but hopefully not me)........................Thanks so much.......................Love You xxxx

There Go My Marbles

I think I'm loosing my marbles, in fact I can see them rolling down the hill as we speak. My Doctor says it may be the beginning of the Peri Menopause.........."The Peri what a Pause" I said................"There's a bit before the change I'm afraid and it can go on for years." she replied. I cant believe it, I really cant. I can just about cope with the hot sweats and slight irritability...................Actually..............To be fair.................Slight is an understatement.

Its the dippyness that I worry about, just in the last month I have done some crazy stuff that is very out of character for me....

1. Looked for my glasses for over 2 hours only to find them perched on top of my head............... And I think I actually wore them to look in a drawer for them.

2. Lost the phone only to notice the butter was on the hook and the phone was in the fridge.............To be fair, that could of been because I didn't have my glasses on.

3. Thought my car had been stolen only to remember I had driven up the road and walked back by mistake. I was seconds away from calling the Police..........Oh what a field day they would of had.

4. Gave HRH the door keys as she was popping out and I was getting in the shower, then realised that I had let her lock "me in" the house with no form of escape other than the window. She then "popped" out a bit longer than had been promised and I had to sign for a parcel through the letterbox. I still cant look the Parcel Force man in the eye.

5. Went to the fridge to look at 2 cream scones (just to look at as I'm on a diet) and then went back an hour later only to find they had gone from the box. Actually convinced myself that I had eaten them with no recollection only to discover HRH had eaten them and in true Teen style put the empty box back in the fridge.

You see.....................Its all very strange or as my Doctor said "Very normal for a woman of my age"......MY AGE......I'm only 43 for heavens sake.

Apparently its a good sign that I can remember songs from long ago, although sometimes I think its the artists get the words wrong and not me...........................................

Anyway..................What was I saying..................Nope.....................Its gone...............Sorry.






If my blog has made you smile, chuckle, laugh out loud or dare I say it as someone once said "made me laugh so much I had to whizz to the loo" then please, please, please.......Pretty please.....Slightly begging please.............Verging on desperate please........................Think about voting for me in the rather fabulous Brit Mums Blogging Awards known as the BIBS............................I am super excited to of made it to the semi finals and need every bit of help I can as I am up against some of the finest blogs around. Just click HERE and it will take you straight to the page you need....You will find me in the Laugh Category which is number 13 (unlucky for some but hopefully not me)........................Thanks so much.......................Love You xxxx

Vote For My Mum

To say I was surprised to get short listed in the BIBS (Brilliance In Blogging) awards was an understatement..........I have been blogging for 3 years now and I never tire of it, I have made some amazing friends along the way and hope to make many more when some of us head up to London in June for the best weekend ever at BritMums Live 2014.

I didn't really know what to do as a "Vote For Me" blog so I decided to do something different and instead asked the one person who knows me the best and sits lovingly by me whilst I tap away at the keyboard. I say "Person" in the loosest sense although he does actually think he is a person rather than a dog.....So without further ado I give you.....Baxter The Dog and his VOTE FOR MY MUM photo shoot......

If you have enjoyed my blog, giggled, snickered, laughed or as someone once said "Tena Ladies are a must if you read this blog" then please think about sparing a vote for me in the "Laugh" category. Just click HERE and it will take you to the necessary place.

Thanks to everyone who voted for me so far and best of luck to all you amazing bloggers/writers out there whether you got through or not I think you are all brilliant.

Lots of Love
Me
xxxx

My Real Life Tooth Fairy

Yesterday began like no other............................Not only was I in the worst pain since childbirth but I had to face my biggest phobia ever...........................The Dentist.......................And, as if that wasn't bad enough...................I was having a tooth extracted whilst awake. Once Mr DG had gently coaxed forced me into the car we headed off.......................I wont go into too many details other than to say my new dentist was the nicest, loveliest man I have ever had looking in my mouth. I vaguely remember offering to have his children as the procedure was completed................................He really was that nice.



Anyway, on departure Mr DG asked me if I was going to put the enormous extracted tooth under my pillow that night. I joked that no amount of money could cover the size of the thing and that quite frankly she wouldn't want it. As if by magic my phoned pinged at a new Tweet........This is what it said.....



I stared at this Tweet for a while before realising what it was about.............."OH MY GOD" I said through gauze, tears and anaesthetic....................."I think I made it to the semi finals of the BIBS".........................................Mr DG's reaction was one of confusion (not unexpected) as I forced a huge smile on my very sore, numb face.

Once home although I was told to rest I plugged myself into the blogging Twitter sphere to celebrate along with all the other people who had also got through. I can honestly say that I forgot about my tooth or lack of it for ages and have felt elated ever since.

So Suzanne aka 3 Children And It you are officially my Tooth Fairy from now on..........Not that I am planning on loosing anymore but never the less. Thank you for being the person who told me the good news and thank you for making me smile...............

I have something unusual planned for my "Vote for Me" bloggy thing but it all depends if I am clever enough to do it so keep em peeled.

Lots of Love
Me
xxxx

Which Playground Parent Are You ??

Now that my kids are Teenagers I thought it would be highly unlikely that I would ever venture into that daunting world of the Primary School playground again........Well....Until I become a Granny then I shall be back.

Anyway, last week a friend of mine asked me if I would pick up her little one from a local school.................Not, I must add my kids old school but another one. Without a moments hesitation I jumped at the chance and made sure I was there in plenty of time to see her coming out. Whilst standing there feeling a bit like a spare part at a wedding I noticed how many different types of parents there really are........................Why had I never noticed this when mine were small? Where had all these different personalities come from ? And more importantly.....Which one did I fit into??

Here are my different types of Playground Parent.................Which one are you??

1. The "I have no interest in being your friend" ... This type will usually sit on the end of a bench (not a friendship one), wear dark sunglasses and avoid all eye contact with you. If a conversation is initiated you will normally find she/he will answer in one word. She is not interested in playground gossip and does certainly not want to talk about your child.

2.  The "Mean Girl Group"..........A particularly difficult species to infiltrate. Will usually be found in a group with an invisible force field around them and a sign that says "Don't bother" placed on the ground....OK............Maybe not the sign but definitely the force field. They will whisper and take over the shoulder looks at you until you either leave the playground crying or give them the finger.

3. The "Bragger".......An annoying specimen who will tell everyone in a very loud voice how many certificates little Johnny has got this term and how he is in "Every" top group in school........They will then go onto advising you on how you should be parenting so that you to can have a perfect child...........You will normally find that little Johnny is off somewhere terrorising another child.

4. The "Turn a Blind Eye and It will all go away" ....................................A particular pest in the playground who will actively ignore whatever their child is doing whether it be wrestling another child against their will or kicking a trash can over. The normal reaction is "I like my kids to be free and express themselves"...............Try telling that to the child that is in a head lock...

5.  The "Phone Junkies"........I have never seen this type in action before today but let me tell you....They are impressive....Not only can they text, email, Tweet and Instagram whilst holding a conversation and watching their kids but they can do it all with one hand..........And I am sure by the time they get home it will be on Facebook too.

6.  The "Social Butterfly"........Usually a PTA mummy who likes to say hello to everyone and lull them into a false sense of security before enlisting them on the committee........She/He is very good at getting you involved even if you don't really want to be.....She is even brave enough to take on the Mean Girls and The I Have No Interest type........Hang On.......................................Wait A minute.............................I was a PTA mum for 10 years......................I think I've found my type...

7. The "I'm Just A Mum/Dad"...........And then there's everybody else...............................These lovely souls don't fit into any of the above category and are happy to chat and giggle with everyone else. I think to be honest in my observations the groups above would secretly like to escape and join you.......................


My time spent in the playground was enlightening and haven't changed that much from when I was there. I guess in life there are different groups of people some nice and some not so nice but we all have one thing in common.....Whether we want to be there or not........................................We are......................................Just remember this............................................Your children are blank canvases, and its up to you to paint the best quality picture you can..........





If my blog has made you smile, chuckle, laugh out loud or dare I say it as someone once said "made me laugh so much I had to whizz to the loo" then please, please, please.......Pretty please.....Slightly begging please.............Verging on desperate please........................Think about voting for me in the rather fabulous Brit Mums Blogging Awards known as the BIBS............................I am super excited to of made it to the semi finals and need every bit of help I can as I am up against some of the finest blogs around. Just click HERE and it will take you straight to the page you need....You will find me in the Laugh Category which is number 13 (unlucky for some but hopefully not me)........................Thanks so much.......................Love You xxxx

Silent Sunday

Silent Sunday 20.4.14

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Driving Me Crazy.....

Is it possible to travel for 5 hours in a car with 2 Teenagers and not want to throw yourself out of the window..........................................................My answer......................................NO.

We arrived at our destination (Centre Parcs) safe and sound, well.........................Apart from my sanity which has taken a beating to say the least....................Here are a list of squabbles, rants and arguments that peppered our journey.

1. He's got more room than me its soooooooooooo unfair.
2. She's purposely breathing on me and she has a cold.
3. His feet stink and he keeps putting them on me.
4. She is looking at me...................

This was all in the first 20 minutes of leaving. Mr DG pulled the car over and threatened to leave them by the side of the road if they didn't stop picking on each other........Then.................We had a thought......................What if we did the same....................What if we picked on each other in the same way that they did......................................

1. Stop being such a grown up...........................You are sooooooo boring.
2. Why are you yawning so much.............................Anyone would think you had been up organising this trip since 5am.
3. You are driving like such a frump................Why cant we do handbrake turns on the motorway??
4. Its sooooo unfair that you don't have the steering wheel in front of you.....I don't have any room.

They looked in complete horror as we yelled at each other with the windows down in full view of anyone that was walking past us. We only managed 4 niggles as I then burst out laughing as Mr DG did Sparkys Justin Bieber hair flick......................This was funny as he is as bald as a coot (Mr DG, not Sparky).

The journey continued and every time they argued so did we......................I must admit at one point I almost didn't get back in the car when we stopped for petrol but I figured if I stayed I would only have to live and work at the Little Chef and I'm not sure that was a responsible thing to do plus the dog would miss me too much.

At last we arrived at Centre Parcs and I heaved a huge sigh of relief.................................I am now bracing myself for the moment the kids realise that they are sharing a room..................................

Stay tuned for the next instalment.........If I am still sane.......

This post has been linked up with the lovely...

Silent Sunday

Silent Sunday 13.4.14

 

 

 

 


 

Race Day

Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen we are live from Sussex and its a beautiful morning here. The first race of the day is the 11.45 Supermarket Hurdle and we have a late entry in the form of The 40 Year Old Domestic Goddess. I'm not entirely sure what she was thinking when she entered at this late stage as its not a normal occurrence for her, anyway lets pass over to our commentators for the morning Peter and Murray................................................

Morning Jim and thanks, we are excited about this one so without further ado lets get cracking........................The contenders are lined up and awaiting the starting pistol. In lane 1 we have the slightly startled looking 40 Year Old DG. I have to say Murray she doesn't actually look like she knows what is going on however her new Espadrilles may stand her in good stead.

In lane 2 its the raining champion, the hugely popular Granny Knickers, she is raring to go and has her recyclable bags all ready.

 

In lane 3 its Mum on The Run with her 3 darling sprogs all screaming for a variety of unattainable items that she just cannot get to right now. We wish her luck.

Lane 4 is the slightly aggressive Man In A Suit who has a basket.....Yes.....A basket folks. Surely this will give him a slight weight advantage today.

And lastly in lane 5 we have The Employee, he's 19, fast, wearing headphones and is armed with an enormous cage filled with loo rolls.

The tension is enormous as all our riders keep their eyes on the prize....The Checkout.

AND THEIR OFF..................................................

The 40 Year Old DG is first out and shes making a great run towards the ready made salads, but what's this....Oh my goodness.....Granny Knickers has rammed her ankles forcing The 40 Year Old DG to loose her Espadrille and trip. Mum on The Run is already in the bread isle grabbing as many French Sticks as she can carry............................But, look at this...........As predicted Man In A Suit is steaming ahead using the no trolley rule to his full advantage. He grabs a sandwich only to be foiled by The Employee who has positioned his cage right across the isle........................Its carnage as the riders try to manoeuvre round him. He's not moving, this is unbelievable, I don't think the headphones are helping.

Granny Knickers is the 1st to get round with The 40 Year Old DG hot on her heels. There's an almighty commotion as Mum On The Run has lost one of her kids........She's turning back......That's it, she's throwing her hands up and....................She's out of the race.

Man In A Suit is taking no prisoners as he actually picks Granny Knickers up and moves her out of the way and shoves The 40 Year Old DG into the Ready Meal section......................She's not happy and what's this.........................A hand gesture has been issued Ladies and Gentlemen, Man In A Suit responds with a tirade of abuse only to be rammed from behind by Granny Knickers trolley which is roaming free without its rider...........This is unbelievable, Granny Knickers has stopped for a chat with a friend, she seem oblivious that the race is continuing without her.

Its a 2 person race and its any ones game...........The finish line is in sight, this is so exciting I can barely watch. They are neck and neck.............................NO NO NO....I cant believe it............The Employee has appeared from nowhere and is idly walking in front of them with his massive cage........He's so busy listening to his music he hasn't seen them coming.

The 40 Year Old DG has seen him and swerves.................She's through...................Man In A Suit hasn't been so lucky and is now picking up loo rolls.

The flag is waving, we have a winner..............................Its the 40 Year Old Domestic Goddess who still has that startled look on her face but she's thrilled............................................What an amazing race..................................................Amazing.

Please note :- No Granny's were hurt in the above race.


If you have enjoyed this blog post and it has made you smile I would love a little vote for either of the below categories (just click on the box). xxxxx

 

I am also linking with #PoCoLo over at Verily Victoria Vocialises

Silent Sunday

Silent Sunday 30.3.14