Race Day

Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen we are live from Sussex and its a beautiful morning here. The first race of the day is the 11.45 Supermarket Hurdle and we have a late entry in the form of The 40 Year Old Domestic Goddess. I'm not entirely sure what she was thinking when she entered at this late stage as its not a normal occurrence for her, anyway lets pass over to our commentators for the morning Peter and Murray................................................

Morning Jim and thanks, we are excited about this one so without further ado lets get cracking........................The contenders are lined up and awaiting the starting pistol. In lane 1 we have the slightly startled looking 40 Year Old DG. I have to say Murray she doesn't actually look like she knows what is going on however her new Espadrilles may stand her in good stead.

In lane 2 its the raining champion, the hugely popular Granny Knickers, she is raring to go and has her recyclable bags all ready.

 

In lane 3 its Mum on The Run with her 3 darling sprogs all screaming for a variety of unattainable items that she just cannot get to right now. We wish her luck.

Lane 4 is the slightly aggressive Man In A Suit who has a basket.....Yes.....A basket folks. Surely this will give him a slight weight advantage today.

And lastly in lane 5 we have The Employee, he's 19, fast, wearing headphones and is armed with an enormous cage filled with loo rolls.

The tension is enormous as all our riders keep their eyes on the prize....The Checkout.

AND THEIR OFF..................................................

The 40 Year Old DG is first out and shes making a great run towards the ready made salads, but what's this....Oh my goodness.....Granny Knickers has rammed her ankles forcing The 40 Year Old DG to loose her Espadrille and trip. Mum on The Run is already in the bread isle grabbing as many French Sticks as she can carry............................But, look at this...........As predicted Man In A Suit is steaming ahead using the no trolley rule to his full advantage. He grabs a sandwich only to be foiled by The Employee who has positioned his cage right across the isle........................Its carnage as the riders try to manoeuvre round him. He's not moving, this is unbelievable, I don't think the headphones are helping.

Granny Knickers is the 1st to get round with The 40 Year Old DG hot on her heels. There's an almighty commotion as Mum On The Run has lost one of her kids........She's turning back......That's it, she's throwing her hands up and....................She's out of the race.

Man In A Suit is taking no prisoners as he actually picks Granny Knickers up and moves her out of the way and shoves The 40 Year Old DG into the Ready Meal section......................She's not happy and what's this.........................A hand gesture has been issued Ladies and Gentlemen, Man In A Suit responds with a tirade of abuse only to be rammed from behind by Granny Knickers trolley which is roaming free without its rider...........This is unbelievable, Granny Knickers has stopped for a chat with a friend, she seem oblivious that the race is continuing without her.

Its a 2 person race and its any ones game...........The finish line is in sight, this is so exciting I can barely watch. They are neck and neck.............................NO NO NO....I cant believe it............The Employee has appeared from nowhere and is idly walking in front of them with his massive cage........He's so busy listening to his music he hasn't seen them coming.

The 40 Year Old DG has seen him and swerves.................She's through...................Man In A Suit hasn't been so lucky and is now picking up loo rolls.

The flag is waving, we have a winner..............................Its the 40 Year Old Domestic Goddess who still has that startled look on her face but she's thrilled............................................What an amazing race..................................................Amazing.

Please note :- No Granny's were hurt in the above race.


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