Grown Up Tantrum

Sometimes I envy 2 year olds..............................Their ability to throw an epic tantrum seems some what pleasing to me and I only wish I could get away with it too. Just imagine throwing yourself on the floor whilst banging your fists and all the time you are getting all of that frustration out in one fail swoop.

I wanted to have a tantrum this morning as the kids argued over who needed to be in the shower first and Mr DG floated around the place pretending he couldn't hear the impending explosion. I often wonder who they think makes it possible to get into a nice clean shower and then wrap themselves in freshly laundered warm towels...............................I wonder if they even notice that someone has ironed their clothes and placed them lovingly on hangers..................Am I invisible to the naked eye I wonder?.................................Would they notice if I slipped away and left them all to it?.....................All I seem to get is a whole lot of eye rolling and mumbling, along with the occasional sideways look at each other as if to say "here she goes again.........must be her time of the month"..............................................What would they do if I suddenly dropped everything and chucked myself on the floor whilst banging my fists in anger..................................................I would imagine the kids might laugh and Mr DG would find a hasty reason why he had to be at work at that particular minute........Leaving me looking a bit of a prat.

I am sure I am not the only mother to feel slightly unappreciated sometimes and slightly non existent but we keep going back for more don't we............................................Of course we do because we love them all with every bone in our bodies and even though they drive us to the brink of insanity sometimes we wouldn't be without any of them not even for a second........................................Well....................Maybe a second.

As for the tantrum.......................................Well.........................................I might have a go one day........................Right in the middle of the lounge..................................................Although knowing my luck I would put my back out..............................................Maybe not.

Lots of Love
Me
xxxx

30 Jobs Every Parent Should Have On Their CV...

I have been a stay at home Mum for over 16 years and in that time I have acquired quite a list of job titles....

1.  CEO of my house (have been organising my lot since 1995)
2.  Housekeeper
3.  Taxi Driver (tips will not be included and you will be expected to wait)
4.  Judge ( Daily court appearances will occur and may require you being a referee too)
5.  Chief Cook (how many things can you do with a potato waffle and a pork chop)
6.  Hairdresser (this may include rectifying hair dye disasters)
7.  Keeper of all things secret.
8.  Family Therapist (much chocolate will be needed during these sessions)
9.  General errand runner (good shoes are a must)
10. Washing machine and any other kitchen appliance operator.
11. Toilet attendant. (the favourite of all my jobs NOT)
12. Teacher (specialising in non Maths related subjects.)
13. Finance manager (this can include overspending occasionally but we wont mention that)
14. International search and rescue agent (for all things lost)
15. Landscaper
16. Painter and Decorator
17. Day-care provider
18. Wardrobe assistant (much patience is needed with this one)
19. Personal Shopper
20. PTA Mummy (didn't plan to stay on 10 years it just kinda happened)

21. Birthday/Events Coordinator and Planner
22. Scary monster and ghost Patrol Enforcer
23. Holiday Coordinator
24. Seamstress of sudden "I need a costume" type emergencies.
25. Bodyguard
26. Nurse ( gloves and a mask may be needed)
27. Stain removal expert (ask me anything and I will tell you how to get it out)
28. Friend
29. Separation anxiety expert (in dogs)
30. Hugger and general make them feel better kind of person.

Please Note.......All of the above is unpaid.

Its quite a list isn't it ? I am at that stage now where I am thinking of forging a career for myself and I sat here this morning thinking what on earth I could put on a CV...................................I wonder if any of the above would be taken seriously???????

So, the next time someone asks you what you do all day as a stay at home Mum (this has happened to me on more than one occasion) just print of my list and hand it to them.......It should shut them up once and for all.

Lots of Love
Me
xxxx

Cluedo Calamity...

The Teenager has often expressed her desire to be on the TV and feels that our family would make great TV viewing. After watching and absolutely loving Goggle Box I am slightly concerned that she may apply without telling any of us.

Last night was a typical example of why she feels this............

Picture the scene :- Coffee table set up with a game of Cluedo, chairs gathered round, fire on in the background, nibbles and sweets in little bowls and more importantly......Not a gaming/phone/ipad or laptop in sight.As usual The Whirlwind decided that he knew who had done it, with what and where within 6 seconds. This resulted in everyone telling him he had to at least cross his own cards off before just taking a stab in the dark (pardon the pun).

Anyway, the game progressed nicely without too much drama when suddenly.......................The Teenager announced that as everyone was taking "Soooooo" long deciding who to accuse that she was going to have a go on the new Epilator Mr DG had purchased me for Xmas. This was greeted with a mixture of "Don't be ridiculous" from Mr DG and "Oooooohhhhh, yeah, go on" from yours truly.

Now, the scene took on a whole new look.................................Coffee table set up with a game of Cluedo, chairs gathered round, fire on in the background, nibbles and sweets in little bowls and......................................................The Teenager epilating her legs with one of them propped on the table in amongst the sweets and Colonel Mustard. Mr DG yelled at her to get her foot off of the table, The Whirlwind convinced himself that her leg hairs had gone into his drink and all I wanted to know was "Does it hurt"?????

Mr DG then did something rather stupid and exclaimed that it couldn't possibly hurt that much......................................................I know that I shouldn't of but I found myself reaching across the table and running the little hair removal contraption up his arm (be honest, who wouldn't of taken that opportunity) The look on his face was one of sheer horror as he jumped up gripping hold of his arm claiming that it had ripped his skin off.......Honestly, what a drama queen.

So, you see........................Maybe The Teenager has a point. The evening descended into howling laughter, Mr DG examining his arm, The Teenager Instagramming it all and The Whirlwind shouting that he had definitely solved it this time..........................I am not convinced he hadn't taken the opportunity to have a look at the cards during all the chaos but.....................................He only got it bloody right..................Miss Scarlet, in the Spa, with the Spanner..................Or, as I thought it should of been.......................Mrs DG, with the Epilator, in the Lounge...........................

Lots of Love
Me
xxx

Lucky Escape

The Teenager is studying hard for her first set of mock A'Level exams and I have been excused from helping her with Russian History.......................Why, you may ask?

The reason is simple.........................I cannot pronounce any of the names of places or people without making her laugh. I have really tried hard to say them seriously but somehow it all comes out wrong and she ends up dissolving into a messy laughing heap on the floor.

It all sounds OK in my head but when it comes out I sound like a bad Russian impressionist, I try not to look her in the eyes but that just makes her laugh even more....................................For this reason alone Mr DG has stepped in.....................Although I now need to leave the room as he makes me laugh.....................

Poor, poor girl.....................................At least she knows what she's doing. I haven't the foggiest what she is talking about which makes me feel totally thick and quite ignorant. Watching her study so hard makes me swell with pride at how dedicated she is to all her school work and future.

Thank goodness she doesn't take after me who had no aspirations at all at her age and ended up working in a bank just because all of my friends did. I remember someone once asking me why I had chosen to work in a bank.............Was it the good mortgage rates could get when you were older?.................Was it the secure future?..................Or, was it that you could climb the career ladder of success and eventually become a Bank Manager........................Nope......................................It was none of these........................My answer was simple.......................................................I couldn't wait to get the family of Piggy Money Boxes that came with the job.................................................


So you see........................................................Its lucky that she got her fathers brain really isn't it.

Good Luck Teenager
Love You
xxxx

Happy New Year...

Its been 8 days since my last blog post..........................Crikey, I sound like I'm in a confessional box. Since my last entry the new year has crept up upon us all and we are now in the throws of January.......Or as I like to call it Misuary.........Everyone in my house hold has the hump at going back to school/work and just generally getting on with life in the darkest, wettest month of the year.

I however am not glum and have chosen to be happy and excited about the new year in front of me. I make it a habit not to make New Years Resolutions, mainly because Will Power is not a super power that I possess. I do instead make a list of things I will try hard "NOT" to do........................

I solemnly swear that I The 40 Year Old Domestic Goddess WILL NOT.....

1. Wash socks that are rolled into a tightly bound balls, if they want them washed they are going to have to unravel their little bombs of dirtiness.

2. Buy carrier bags from big high street names any more. My car is filled to the rim with reusable canvas ones and I just forget to take them with me. These big shops might claim to have the environments best interests at heart but lets face it if we all pay 5p for a shockingly awful wafer thin excuse of a carrier bag then its just extra in their pockets.

3. Stop eating chocolate.....Even though today marks the start of my heath kick for 2014. I refuse to believe that anything that tastes that good can be so bad.

4. Make excuses to why I cant go to the gym. I will admit that it is my least favourite place in the world but I need to bite the bullet and get a grip if I want to look like Kelly Brook by July.

5. Put off getting my eyes tested.....This is mainly due to suddenly realising that I am as blind as a bat and quite frankly I am amazed that any of this bog pist makes sense at all (sorry couldn't resist).

6. Worry about things that are beyond my control. As a self proclaimed control freak this is going to be a tricky one so we will see how it goes and whether or not I can actually stick to my word.............

7. Give up my dream of writing and publishing a book or having my own column in a magazine....ONE DAY.

8. And Finally.................................Ever stop being a crazy, insane, fun, slightly bonkers Mum. I refuse to be boring just so I don't "embarrass" the kids. One day they will look back at how much we laughed (admittedly its mainly at my expense) and smile at what a fun life we all had together under one roof.

So, there we go................................My 2014 list of "I Will Not's". Have a think and let me know what you will not stop doing this year...................Its harder than you think.

Happy New Year you gorgeous lot

Love
Me
xxx

 

I am linking this post up with the truly lovely Jaime over at .......

 

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