Its Time..........



As I waved the Teens off this morning something suddenly struck me.............................Not literally like a brick or something......................Metaphorically hit me.

I need to start thinking about going back to work........................................................Hang on..............................................................I'm just composing myself and checking that I did just say that out loud.

I have been a stay at home Mum since 1997 and that folks is a whopping 17 years...............................Mr DG and I decided that it was the right thing to do and that is what I have been doing ever since. I have loved every minute and will always be grateful that I had the opportunity to do it BUT.......................................................And its a big BUT..................................I want more......................................It's time to feel that I am doing something for me.

The female Teen is off to Uni next year and that in itself is going to be challenging (for me not her) and the boy Teen is so self sufficient that I sometimes forget that he's even here until he asks for food or money.

I think there have been warning signs that I spend too much time at home..........................

1. I actually found myself hitting the schedule button for Jeremy Kyle
2. I cleaned my kitchen floor not once but twice by mistake
3. I know exactly what time it is purely by what's on the TV
4. People ring me then sound shocked when they have to leave a message because I am out
5. I find myself talking to the dog.

Its not that I want to go back to work full time but I need to start putting things in place, maybe a little part time job.......................................................But............................Doing what exactly ???

This is my dilemma, I love the craft business I run with a friend but it really is seasonal. I love blogging and reviewing things but its a very solitary activity.........................................................

I think the biggest part of it is that actually I am terrified of venturing back out there into the work place. It all comes down to confidence doesn't it and that my friends is my biggest problem......................................

I would love to hear from anyone who has gone back to work after a long spell at home, any tips would be gratefully appreciated.

Wish me luck
Lots of Love
Me
xxxx

A Dolce Gusto Review

Its no secret that I am a huge coffee fan..........................Its fair to say that I love it possibly more than chocolate.....................I was therefore beyond excited when the lovely people at Dolce Gusto asked me if I would like to review not one but three Espresso coffee pods.

I received a fabulous gift box filled with coffee pods, a cupcake and the most gorgeous little Espresso cups and saucers which are just the cutest things ever.

I must confess that I didn't try all three on the same day as I was slightly worried I might not be able to sleep.

I had tried the Lungo and the Espresso Intenso before and loved them both but I had never tried the brand new Ristretto Ardenza before. I was not disappointed at all, the flavour was delicious and as an after dinner coffee it was just perfect.

The Ristretto Ardenza is the new flavour and is now available to purchase from the Webshop as an online-exclusive new variety.

As an added little extra they are also giving away boxes of Ristretto Ardenza for fans on their Dolce Gusto Facebook page to try on The Pod (here: www.thepod.co.uk) until the 27^th of October. 30 people will win a free box to be among the first to try the new variety.

You don't have long so hop on over there and have a peep.

I'm off to grab another cup of coffee.

Lots of Love

Me

xxxxx

Disclaimer - I was sent the Dolce Gusto Espresso Hamper free of charge for the purpose of this review but all opinions are completely my own.

Changes.

Changes are coming I can feel them like a small niggle in the back of my head, not always there but definitely present somewhere in the depths of my brain........................................................Her provisional driving license arrived today along with a letter from one of her chosen Universities, I looked at them for a long time before stuffing them in a drawer then taking them back out again only to once again throw them in the drawer and shut it tightly.

I want to do this to time..........................I want to grab time by the hair and stick it in a drawer until another day.

How can we be doing this, how can we actually be contemplating buying her a car and deciding where she is going to go to Uni..............................................................................................She is too young.................................No, she's not................................Yes she is...............................................

"Get a grip" is a statement I regularly tell myself, "pull yourself together you complete nelly" is another thing I will say whilst looking in the mirror.

I am either going to fall to pieces or embrace the whole situation fully, I will cry I know this much.........................I am an ugly crier and have often caught myself looking like I have a bad case of constipation whilst tears stream down my face. Friends have informed me that it is by far one of the worst days of your life when you have to leave a child at Uni. I have visions of never leaving and just moving to wherever she is just so I can see her every day..................................................The male teen is all for it and has secretly admitted to me that he cant even think about her going away. Who would of thought that he would of even noticed her absence. He doesn't want her room (as its bigger) even though she has offered it to him in exchange for his little room being done up for when she is home. He wants it left for her just as it is.............................................................................................

God, I am being a right moaner aren't I, sorry.............................Actually, I'm not sorry.

I'm bloody sad...................Cross..............Proud...............Excited...................Confused.........A mixture of emotions.

OK!!!! You get the picture, I am not going to bang on anymore......................................I will get through this that much I know, she is going to have the most fantastic time and as long as she is happy and safe then I am too.

I must warn you that I will be blogging from time to time about this whole process in great lengths which some of you might find helpful either for now or even in the future................................I am determined to take a comical approach to all this as its my way of dealing with it I think (not that you would know it from this post) and hope that I can gain advice and tips from anyone else who has already been through it.

This post was sponsored by Gin and tissues............xxxx

Wet Socks.

 

The rain fell, the wind howled

I made the toast whilst they watched and scowled

"Please oh please wont you take us today?"

"We'll get soaked out there and it is on your way".

 

"Alright" I replied whilst stirring my tea

"YIPPEE" yelled The Teens leaping with glee

"I'm leaving in five so don't muck around,

If your not ready then your gonna get drowned".

 

To the car we all ran, umbrellas up high

The dog sensed my panic and started to cry

She looked at him and I knew there was trouble

I started the car and sped off on the double.

 

"For Gods sake move over, your hogging the seat"

"Oh shut up you Diva and get your bag off my feet"

"Muuuummmmm" she cried "I cant fit it all in"

"Try packing less makeup" he said with a grin.

 

I wanted to turn and scream at them "NO"

But the car was steamed up and we needed to go

"She's got soooo much stuff" he turned and yelled at her

"And now look" he said "She's crushed my Ciabatta".

 

I pulled up outside and sighed with relief

"OH NO" said the boy "I haven't done my teeth"

"There's no time for that, here have some gum.

Now get out the car and bloody well RUN"

 

I arrived back at home feeling quite in a muddle

Stepped out of the car and straight into a puddle

That's it I thought I'm cancelling today

Indoors I will go and there I will stay.

 

THE END

 



If You Go Into The Attic Today......

Whilst most of you were probably enjoying the Bank Holiday weekend I was in fact doing the unenviable task of clearing out my loft. What started as a quick "can you go into the loft and get me that bag of shoes" turned out to be the most epic, revolting and quite frankly knackering Saturday ever. The Husband is the only one who ever goes up into The Black Hole ,as none of us are brave enough not since the last time when the most enormous spider fell onto my head.
This spider was so big I swear it winked at me as I ran round screaming whilst it sat comfortably on my head, The Teenager locked herself in her room and The Whirlwind decided it would be great fun to catch it and keep it as a pet called Steve. That little fantasy came to an abrupt end when The Husband stamped on it with his size 12 shoe ....Goodbye Steve.
Anyway back to the loft. We have lived in our little house for 12 years now so you can imagine the clutter that has been thrown stored up there. Many things came down that I haven't seen for a long time. Here is a list of just some of the more memorable things.

1. 2 boxes of baby memorabilia, including both kids umbilical clips (one even had something resembling a mushroom still on it).
2. 6 odd shoes. (my point about how you always only ever see one left shoe by the side of the road is finally made).
3. 2 books on sex. First book is the Karma Sutra (well that's out due to my back and the Husbands lack of flexibility) and the second is 101 ways to please your partner (at no stage in this book did it say "a cup of tea and a cream cake will please your partner).
4. A toaster, kettle, toilet (yes toilet), thermos and a potty. (it was at this point that I asked the Husband to check thoroughly that a small family hadn't been living right above our heads).
5. My wedding dress.

Item number 5 brought back a memory that I just had to sit and relive for a while. And now I am going to share it with you as it is just to funny to remain in my head.

The day before I got married in the above mentioned dress my Mother had kindly offered to put my 3 bridesmaids and me up in her little cottage. The day started well with me and 2 of my bridesmaids happily decorating the venue and generally being excited. My third bridesmaid who will remain nameless (she is in fact the same one who in my last blog drove me through a hedge in her car) arrived from her home land of Spain and the scene was set for a great evening.

I cant quite remember who had the idea of giving her and my Mother a couple of sleeping tablets but one of us clearly had our reasons. The 3rd bridesmaid spent most of night shouting out in her sleep and accusing everyone of various crimes and wanting jelly and my Mother slept like a baby.............until 6am.
(At this stage I must point out that I was sharing a room with her ).
I opened my eyes and suddenly remembered that my big day had finally arrived, the day I had been painstakingly planning for a whole year. I lay there for a while wondering if the door would open and breakfast on a tray with a flower would appear. I listened for any movements but nothing. Suddenly a groan sounded from the other side of the room and then a slight whisper of "HELP ME".
As I turned over the sight that meet me was not pleasant.......The Mother was sitting bolt upright in bed with her top lip curled under which was well and truly stuck to her teeth. "HELP ME PLEASE"
she shouted "I CANT FEEL MY FACE".

What then happened was panic, panic and a bit more panic then me shouting for help and the others (minus the 3rd bridesmaid as the tablets had had a similar effect on her) running around trying to unglue my mothers lips from her teeth, this process took about an hour and resulted in Mum having a slight look of Ken Dodd for most of the morning. The 3rd bridesmaid to this day is still oblivious to the whole thing. However people have commented on what full lips she has in my photos.

After remembering this incident I cant say I was much help as I then had to ring Mum to relive the whole thing with her.
Anyway the loft is now completely finished and The Husband seems very pleased with himself at the emptiness of it. What I haven't told him is that most of the stuff he sent down is now in my cupboard waiting for me to go and have a good look through it and then it will all have to go back up there again.

Still he'll be pleased when he realises Ive kept the 2 books down here !!!!

CardNest A Beautiful Review

Have you ever felt that twinkle of excitement when its your birthday and the postman walks up the driveway carrying a bundle of pretty coloured envelopes? Have you ever opened a letter and thought "just for once, I wish this was something nice" rather than a bill or a piece of junk mail.

I have...........................Many times.





In fact the best thing for me about birthdays are the cards, there is something quite uplifting receiving a card that someone has taken the time to not only write but then walk to a post box and send it to you. I am a huge fan of sending cards and will grab any opportunity to do so even if its just one that says "I'm thinking of you" sometimes that's all that is needed to make a difference to someone's day.





So, you can imagine my utter excitement when I was contacted by the rather fabulous and totally gorgeous people at CardNest.

Here's what they said......................

"Subscribers to CardNest are topped up each month with three ‘bright and beautiful cards for all sorts of occasions’. The idea is that when a birthday creeps up on you or you have a last minute ‘thank you’ to send, you can dig into your CardNest collection, leaving you fluster-free.

Sending a handwritten card to someone we care about can really make their day. As well as those handy greetings, they also send out cards that aren’t occasion specific to help you keep in touch with the extra special people in your life. Whether you want to just say ‘hello’, tell a loved one you miss them or invite them for the weekend, it’s up to you."


I discovered that not only is it a brand spanking new service its wonderful too.
How do I know this ? Well, I have been a bit of a Guinea Pig for them and already received my first delivery. When the gorgeous parcel dropped through my letter box I was not expecting such a beautifully packaged bundle, I couldn't wait to open it and what I found inside was even more fabulous.






Three stunning cards by different artists with envelopes and as if that wasn't enough they even provided the stamps. They were so lovely I almost didn't want to open them but I did and knew exactly who I was going to send them too.








As many of you know I am a great believer in good honest companies and will only give reviews to those that really impress me. CardNest did just that as well as bringing a smile to my face on a bleary Monday morning.

Are you curious ? I bet you are, go on over to their website at CardNest.com and have a look for yourselves.

I really don't think you will be disappointed and as a special treat CardNest are offering all my lovely readers an exclusive coupon code which will give you lucky people 50% off your first month......................................You see, they really are fab.

 

Just put in this code when subscribing - GODDESS40 (This code will expire on 30/11/2014)

Lots of Love
Me
xxxxxxxx

It’s just £7.50/month in the UK and £10/month for subscribers outside of the UK, including delivery (first class stamps are an optional extra and available in the UK only).

Dogs and Conspiricies

I awoke on our final day in Luxembourg with a slight headache but on the plus side it took my mind off my toe which still looked very broken....................................Mr DG was off today so we had the whole day to ourselves, he had arranged for breakfast in bed which made me cry.............................Oh, did I mention I have PMT too now..................................Marvellous.

I definitely knew I had drunk to much yesterday when I opened the hotel door only to see a group of tiny dogs running up and down the corridor. As I shut the door I remarked that I thought my mind had finally gone only to hear a "woof". Mr DG looked and he too said he could see a dog which was some relief as I did wonder if I had finally lost the plot. It turned out that they were not the only dogs in the hotel and were in fact in town for the World Dog Agility Championships.......................Obviously they weren't staying there in the evening but it seemed the corridors were a perfect place to practice "trotting"..........................What ever next.

Headed off for town which he now promised me would be open and it was...............................It was just beautiful and reminded me of Paris, street performers kept us entertained for hours and we wandered round the shops hand in hand all day....................................I think to be honest he holds my hand so I cant reach for my purse and buy anything.......................................................After a lovely lunch and the most amazing cake I have ever tasted we got the bus back to the hotel and collected our cases ready for the evening flight home.

Luxembourg airport was basic to say the least but impeccably clean like the rest of the country. Once through security we settled down to wait for our flight.................................................................

As a nervous passenger this is the time that I spend quietly contemplating my doom and become quite subdued to say the least..............................Mr DG knows this and deals with it in the best way by ignoring me totally and reading the paper. This works well for both of us and we are well practised in it............................The worst thing that can happen to me before a flight is an equally nervous passenger suddenly striking up a conversation with me...............................Unfortunately that is exactly what happened and I was subjected to 1 hour of conspiracy theories about anything to do with air travel. This bloke was way more nervous than me which gave me some comfort but there was no way I could listen to his voice or his assumptions anymore....................................I made our excuses and we left...............................Not only did we leave but we then hid as we could see him looking for us. I am amazed that we didn't get arrested for looking suspicious but luckily we didn't and made it onto the plane with Mr Conspiracy nowhere to be seen.

The flight home was great and my self help App worked wonders yet again, I even managed to have a Gin and Tonic which probably helped quite a bit to be fair.

It had been a wonderful trip and I would love to go back again some day, I missed the kids terribly but they were amazing and I think they actually looked after Grandma instead of her looking after them. To say I am proud of them is an understatement.

I am sure you are all wondering about the "toe"............................Well....................................Sods law.............................As soon as we got back, it stopped hurting and is now looking more like my own toe rather than a joke one. The broom is now firmly back in its proper place and Mr DG has finally admitted that it probably was his fault...................................................................................

Thanks for reading
Lots of Love
Me
xxxx

Socks and Flip Flops

It's Day 2 over in Luxembourg and last night was interesting to say the least.............................Once Mr DG had returned from the office he informed me that the town centre was only a 10 minute walk away and that he had been told there were loads of restaurants and shops...................................I didn't need much persuading and seeing as I had spent the afternoon drinking wine and eating as well as having an afternoon nap I was more than eager to get out and do some exploring.............................................................Now, there is something I should mention about My Husband........................................His idea of a 10 minute walk is usually wrong and quite frankly it usually turns into more of an expedition. I should of known better but in my excitement at going out for the evening I completely forgot. Thank goodness they kids weren't here, I can only imagine what they would of said.

Remember the "Toe", well by this point it was so swollen that none of my shoes would even go on it and it resembled a fat sausage that had been put through a old fashioned mangle. Luckily I am always in possession of a pair of flip flops and this trip was no different. So, with flip flops on and a spring in my step.......................Well, Ok a slight limp......................Off we went on this 10 minute walk.....................................Except, it wasn't 10 minutes, it was 40 and when we got there everything was closing due to it being a Wednesday. The shops were shut and at one point we even contemplated getting a burger and chips just because we were so hungry..............................................

Mr DG suggested we head back and have dinner at the hotel. In theory this was a great idea but once again I forgot about the 40 minute walk back.....................................................................................

I woke up after the best nights sleep ever to find my "toe" had gone numb and worryingly so had my foot. The other foot had a rather fetching blister on it due to walking so far in bloody flip flops and I hobbled around the room trying to look cheerful as Mr DG went off to do a full days work.

Now I had a dilemma....................................Do I wear flip flops again which help the "toe" but cause blisters or do I squeeze my foot into a shoe just so I can wear socks thus helping the blister....................OR.............................I thought, do I wear socks with flip flops??????? I decided that Europe wasn't quite ready for that type of fashion statement and went with the first option.

Decided not to go too far and found a Gallery just across from the hotel containing the complete history of Luxembourg as well as many portraits of nobility. This was of some interest to me as I spent most of last year researching my family tree, after lots of revelations it was discovered that I was in fact related to a Princess of Luxembourg.........................................To be honest I took this with a rather large pinch of salt as it also concluded that I was somehow related to Joseph Father of Jesus.....................................................Anyway, I hobbled round the gallery nodding in appreciation and sitting at various paintings with my head tilted to one side as if contemplating..................This was mainly down to the fact my toe was killing me and I was in fact plotting revenge on Mr DG who had quite frankly put me in this way.

Made my way back to hotel for lunch and decided to sit in the sunshine and write, staff by this point obviously noticed my foot and took pity on me by delivering me a glass of wine and a cushion for my foot........God, I love this place.........Keep the wine come.

I vaguely remember Mr DG returning from the office really early but my notes kind of stopped after that..................I can only assume I must of had too much wine................................Whoopppsssss.

It's the final day tomorrow so don't forget to come back and see what we got up to next.

Love
Me
xx

Crying and Flying

Before I begin this tale I must point out an important fact............On Sunday (exactly 3 days before I went away) Mr DG.......Lets call him "Mr Your To Blame" for the purpose of this paragraph........Left the broom laying across the entrance to the kitchen. Me, in all my haste of trying to get everything done whipped into said kitchen and with an arm full of washing tripped over ridiculously placed broom, hurtled into the fridge and stubbed my little toe on the corner of the unit. Now, we have all done this before and jumped around swearing and shouting but on this occasion it was slightly different......My little toe was kind of sticking out at a right angle looking......Well......Looking a little bit broken.........

Anyway, on with my story .............................................................................................

So, we arrived in Luxembourg on our own and without the kids which was strange, horrible and exciting all in one, flight was a little bumpy and seats were literally one on top of each other but after careful breathing and much Rescue Remedy, Calms and Gin (I'm joking) I managed to relax and begin to look forward to my get away. My self help app worked very well considering and although I dribbled slightly on Mr DG's shoulder I think it did some good.

Unfortunately right in front of us was a screaming baby and when I say screaming I mean screaming..........No matter how loud I turned my self help guru up the baby managed to drown him out. The other passengers began to turn around and roll their eyes at each other and make snide comments, one woman even asked to be moved in a very loud voice.
I saw the face of the young Mum who was not only mortified but truly upset by the whole experience. Her husband looked on with that kind of "I have no idea what we do now" look and other passengers began to turn around and stare. This reaction from others made me feel angry and quite frankly uneasy.
The problem was clear to see, this poor little mite had been strapped against her Mummy's chest for take off........It was bad enough being a grown up and feeling squashed against the seat in front but imagine how she felt.
Once we were in the air she stopped but did that heart-breaking sobbing thing that babies do. Dad got up and walked her up and down the isle and Mum heaved a sigh and put her head in her hands. I put my hand through the seat in front and squeezed her shoulder "Well done" I said "you handled that beautifully", she looked at me with utter amazement then promptly burst into tears "We have just got off of a 13 hour flight" she said "and she's exhausted". I really felt for her and we exchanged a little wink and a smile at the end as we got off and her baby gurgled quite happily at finally being free of that plane........I think I kind of understood where she was coming from too.

Once we were off the plane and in a taxi we headed off to our hotel.................Why all taxi drivers abroad have to drive like Lewis Hamilton will always be a mystery to me. Poor Mr DG who vowed never to go in a taxi again after our New York experience sat with his hand gripping my knee and clutching his stomach as if ready to throw up, his eyes went like saucers and at one point he even grabbed the seat in front...........................Funny I thought as I watched him, his reaction was not dissimilar to me on the plane.

The hotel resembled a Mine Craft block and I remarked how cool The Male Teen would think it was, inside was just beautiful and everyone was super friendly.

Mr DG said his goodbyes and off he went to work leaving me in a strange European city with a credit card and a smile on my face.....................................................Ooooohhhh........................I almost forgot about the "toe".............................By this point it was swelling up nicely and turning a beautiful shade of blue/green/black and even purple............................................How was I going to fit it in any of the shoes I had packed??????????????



Come back Friday to see what happened next.

Love
Me
xxx

Luxembourg Calling.

On Wednesday morning at 8.35am I will be walking onto a metal tube, buckling myself in and then I shall be hurled through the air at 500mph......................................................No, no........I haven't entered myself into some type of circus reality show...................................I am doing that one thing that fills my heart with dread.................................Flying.

Mr DG and I are off to Luxembourg for a business/leisure break and I am thoroughly looking forward to it..........................Except for the above mentioned bit.

My fear of flying stems from having a mother who used to be drugged like BA Baracus from the A Team. She was so bad that the airline happily watched as she was carried on just so she didn't make a huge fuss. Of course, these days you cant do that and will be refused entry to the plane.........Hang on.....That's an idea.

But seriously, I am bloody terrified............I'm not frightened of the actual flying bit, I'm frightened of crashing plain (pardon the pun) and simple. I will never understand why they don't make the thing out of the same material they make the black box out of.

I am nowhere near as bad as my Mum was but am what I call a silent crier, I will grip the hand of Mr DG until he is wincing in pain and will watch the air stewardesses for any slight panic in their faces. As long as they look happy then I am too......Its not even as if I can have a little drink seeing as its a morning flight and will instead have to drink tea with a dash of Rescue Remedy in it.

Once we land I will want to kiss the pilot and shake the hands of anyone that doesn't think I'm a complete loon. Mr DG will do his usual "Well done" rub of my head and then we will venture off to the hotel.

I have visions of sitting outside a café with my notebook writing whilst sipping coffee. I want to walk through galleries and take in all the scenery whilst Mr DG is working during the day but.............................................Unfortunately I predict that deep down inside I will be feeling that awful anxiousness creeping into my tummy at the thought of the return flight..............................

Wish me Luck
Lots of Love
Me
xxxx

Once Upon A Time

Good morning readers, its been exactly 47 days since I wrote last................................I know................................47 days...................................I have never had a holiday from my blog before and it was tough I'm not going to lie but feels very rewarding at the same time. I am back with a new look page and lots of ideas all buzzing round in my head.

My blog and I parted ways on the 23 July with this post.........It was my Summer Bucket List and I was filled with excitement as I wrote all the fabulously unique things I had come up with to do over the break with the kids.

I managed somehow to complete........................................................None of it.....................Nope...........................Not one bloody thing. How did I manage to undertake this amazingly poor show............................I will tell you.

Are you sitting comfortably ? Then I shall begin.................................................

Once upon a time there was a knackered, overweight, overworked and underpaid Mum who had grand ideas of laying in a hammock and reading a book, building a sandcastle, laying out under the stars, writing and generally other wonderfully sounding ideas that all resembled something out of a novel.

Unfortunately, she had Teenagers who in their extreme wisdom decided that her bucket list was not only a bit lame but totally embarrassing too. The thought of their mother jumping into a pool fully clothed or having a water fight in full view of other humans was just too much for them to bear.




With this in mind the knackered, slightly overweight Mum came to the conclusion that they could in fact "sod off" and she would instead have a perfect summer of reading, laughing and drinking wine whilst watching the sunset over Devon.

The Teenagers didn't understand this behaviour one little bit and hatched a plan to sabotage her new found enjoyment. Unfortunately for them slightly overweight Mum was three thoughts ahead  (as always) and threatened to confiscate all means of electronic social media devices and banish them to the land of "Get to your room"...........This upset The Teenagers so much that they called on the great and wise one known as "Dad" to aid them in their quest to wind up Knackered Mum as previously planned.................Once he had listened intently to their plight he too told them to"sod off" and joined overweight Mum in her revised bucket list.

They were so shocked at this sudden show of unity that they both turned on each other and normal behaviour was resumed in its entirety.

After many hours of sulking and muttering it became apparent to The Teenagers that resistance was futile and that they may as well join in with Mum and Dad (minus the wine) . They too sat and watched the sunsets and chatted quite happily, laughed and joked with each other and played games with Knackered Mum and Wise Dad until bedtime. During the day they walked on golden beaches, read books and ate chips in the sand dunes. Harmony was restored to the land and all was well.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

So you see, my bucket list was not all completely wasted just changed very slightly. This story was the main reason I didn't blog for the whole six weeks, I was having such a great time with my family that it didn't seem fair to plonk myself in front of the laptop after I had asked them to put their lifelines phones away.

I became aware that my eldest is going to Uni next year and holidays together might be few and far between and that our lives are evolving into the next phase. However, this blog is my little journal and for that I will always be thankful.

People often ask me why I do it and what do I get out of it............My answer is simple........Memories.....Pure and simple memories. I will admit to getting strange looks but am I "bovvered"........No I am not.

Plus.............................Its a lot cheaper than therapy.

Lots of Love
Me
xxxxx

Summer Bucket List 2014

Good Morning and welcome to the DG News at 9. Today's top stories include..............................

BONG - Its 3 hours and counting until the beginning of the Summer Holidays.
BONG - Its 4 hours until one Mum in Sussex may need her first Gin and Tonic.
BONG - Its 5 hours until the same Mum will use the words "TURN IT DOWN...............PICK THAT UP"
BONG - Its 6 hours until the kids will have trashed the house, eaten everything in the cupboards and reduced Mums all over the world to tears.

In other news around the region, Mrs T from Brighton has decided to walk around her house naked until her kids start clearing up after themselves......................................................More news later.

I am of course talking about that moment that we all either love or loathe, that moment that comes to us all after a few hours of them being home where we suddenly think what on earth are we going to do for 6 whole weeks. I don't know about you but it takes me a good week or so to get used to having them around the house and then I kind of relax and actually quite enjoy it. Sometimes I wish they had less time in the summer and an extra week at Christmas but I know that's never going to happen.

Last year I wrote a Summer Bucket List which was brilliant fun, I have therefore decided to do the same this year. I'm not going to do as many as last year just because I am not sure we are going to have time with holidays and visits.....................................................................................................

1. I want to read a good book whilst laying in a hammock.........................I realise that being a "curvy lady" this may prove tricky but I am going to give it a go.
2. Have a Nerf Gun or water fight.................................The Male Teen will love this...................I think. ........Not sure about Grandma.
3. Jump in a pool fully clothed.......Yes.................Fully clothed.
4. Write another short story...........................JK watch out.
5. Sleep outside under the stars......................I'm not sure how HRH will cope with this but it will be worth a blog post.
6. Watch a sunrise and sunset.
7. Build a sandcastle.
8. Make homemade lemonade and cookies.
9. Make S'mores over a campfire.......................Or BBQ.
10. Go to a pick your own farm and do exactly that.

And finally.......................If you read last years bucket list you will see that I attempted to try every Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream flavour....................................................This was the most fabulous challenge, for obvious reasons. They have new flavours now so I feel its only fair to add them to my list....................Its a tough job but someone's got to do it.

Once I have completed the above challenges I will find some more to do but I think that's enough for now.

All I have left to say is..............................Have a great Summer with your kids and remember..................................................Holidays with the kids isn't about the holiday (because lets face it, it's beyond exhausting), it's about making memories.

Lots of Love
Me
xxxxx

Phillips SpeedCare Iron Review

What's your most dreaded chore in the home? Mine is without a shadow of a doubt the washing and ironing, having a husband whose shirts resemble large tablecloths and 2 Teenagers who both need clean shirts each day for school I spend hours each week washing, drying and then trying to smooth all the creases out. I stand puffing and panting and have even been known to go over each item again just to make it look nice.

That's why I was so excited (I know, I know....I said the word excited in the same sentence as ironing) to hear of a new iron launching this weekend on the fabulous Ideal World Website. The Phillips Speed Care steam generator iron offers up to 2 X faster ironing with 2 X more steam helping you speed up your ironing and is priced at £99.99.




Other features include a safety lock to keep the iron securely on the base unit and stop little hands from pulling it off the ironing board and hurting themselves.

I was intrigued to receive this product and put it through its paces..................And that is exactly what I did.







After filling up the water chamber which is on the base unit not the iron I turned it on and waited 2 minutes for it to heat up. Once the iron was off the base unit I was shocked how lightweight it was, it glided across the creased shirt effortlessly and with the press of a little button underneath the handle steam appeared and the once heavily creased shirt looked wonderful in seconds.



The water tank has 1.2L capacity which allows you to iron for over an hour........................But, to be honest it didn't take me anywhere near that amount of time and in just 15 minutes I had done over an hours worth of ironing.

The other feature I loved was the Calc Clean system which features a sound light clean reminder so there is no chance of any dirty stains on the clothes whilst ironing which can happen over time when a build up of lime scale gets into you iron.

Once I had finished I waited for it to cool down and placed the iron back onto the base unit. The whole thing was very light and stored away perfectly ready for next time.

In conclusion this iron takes all the hard work out of a once tedious job. It leaves you with a sense of satisfaction and amazement how such a lightweight iron can do such a fantastic job.

My husband has even commented on how his shirts looked like I had sent them to the dry cleaners..................................I'm not sure what he was indicating about my ironing before but I'm not asking.





Thank you Ideal World for the opportunity to review such a fantastic product and thank you Phillips for making my busy day that little bit less stressful.

Disclaimer - I was sent the Phillips Speed Care Iron free of charge for the purpose of this review but all opinions are completely my own.

The Return of The Smelly One.

When I wrote to you all last The Male Teen aka Sparky had just left on his Wales Adventure trip with the school for a week..............See here.

I thought it was therefore only fair to update on his return............................................................

The clocked ticked past second by second and I had butterflies in my tummy at seeing my little smelly one. Then after no contact for a whole week I received a text.................................
"We r almost home" it said
"Where are you" I replied
Nothing......................................Then........................."On the coach".
"I know your on the coach but where are you" I questioned again.
Nothing................................"On the motorway" was the reply I got.

I gave up after that and resorted to social networking to give me my answer from the Mums who had girls who were far more forthcoming.

As we stood in the car park I listened to a range of comments such as..................................

"God, my house has stayed so tidy"
"I wonder if Xbox will go bust now due to the lack of usage"
"Its been so quiet without them"

Then a comment that had everyone in agreement....."I cant imagine what their cases are going to smell like". This statement made me smile.

Being the self proclaimed Domestic Goddess I like to think I am I had already made sure there was not a scrap of washing anywhere and that the washing machine was ready to go with powder in the drawer. I had even placed a plastic sheet on the kitchen floor to unpack everything. A sheep dip had been erected by the front door and Environmental Health were having a cuppa whilst waiting...................................OK.....................OK.......................That last bit wasn't true but the thought was there and if I'd had their numbers it would of been.

Once the coaches had unloaded we headed off in the car for home..............................................That was when the smell hit me..........................................My tummy lurched............................I tried to smile at the joy of having him back..............................................Nope.........................I was going to have to hang my head out of the window like the dog.

The case was placed and I braced myself for what horror lurked inside....................................HOLY CRAP....................................Nothing could of prepared me for the smell that flew up my nose. It was a mixture of wet ponds, body odour, deodorant, grass, farm animals and dead things all rolled up into one.

Sparky stood over me laughing at my face as I shoved as much as I could into the machine (mistake number 1)...............The bag went outside to be incinerated on the BBQ and I rubbed Vic under my nose to hide the smell (I've seen this on CSI and trust me it does work).

Once we had caught up and listened to his tales of what a fabulous week he had had I noticed the smell was back again...................I reapplied the Vic........................I checked the machine..............................Where the hell was it coming from..................................It didn't take me long.

It was Sparky himself........................................."QUICK GET HIM IN THE SHEEP DIP" I shouted.

Even with all of my careful planning I was not ready for this at all, Mr DG smirked as I ran around with 2 bits of tissue shoved up my nose desperately trying to stop the Wales countryside squatting in my home. I knew things had gone too far when the first load of washing had to be washed again and Sparkys socks actually walked themselves to the machine.

Take note.................................No amount of preparation can be undertaken in these circumstances and the only solution would be to take the case straight up the tip...........................Mind you.......................To be fair..........................I think it might of caused an environmental disaster for mankind.

Thanks for reading
Lots of Love
Me
xxxxx

Best Text Ever.

Last week Sparky aka The Male Teen embarked on a school trip to Wales for a camping/adventure holiday. As we arrived to drop him off I experienced the full horror of an "Embarrassed Teen" first hand. These symptoms included............................

1. Head drooped to below shoulder level.
2. Mumbled goodbye (well, I think that's what he said).
3. When head was lifted it was brightly coloured in a fetching shade of red.
4. Once on coach curtains were pulled to firmly evade any chance of a tearful goodbye.

To be fair, every teenage boy behaved the exact same way and in a moment of togetherness we as parents bonded for a very short space in time. I wanted to charge onto the coach, yank back the curtains and order them to wave to the women who had pushed them into this world. I wanted to scream that we all loved them and that we were going to miss them. I wanted to lay on the road in front of the huge coach until he told me that he loved me. I wanted to slap the woman next to me who exclaimed in a very loud voice that her son had not only hugged her but kissed her too and that he had almost been in tears at the thought of leaving her. Of course I did none of these things...............................................Only because I was worried he might not come back if I did.

As the coach started to get ready to pull out of the car park I was suddenly struck by an overwhelming fear and sadness that he had turned into one of those "Hood up head down" kind of specimens............................................Then..............................................................Just as Mrs Cocky Pants was about to announce for the 50th time that little bloody Johnny had given her a huge hug something quite wonderful happened............................................................................."Ping" went my phone........................................................"Ping" it went again.....................................................I fumbled to put the password in as a text message popped up in all its full glory...................................................."Love You Mum"......................................................."Soz I didn't say bye"..........................................."I'm gonna miss u"...........................................................


My heart skipped a beat and in all my confusion/bewilderment I shoved the phone into Mrs Cocky Pants face almost breaking her nose and causing her to have a nose bleed............................."LOOK" I screamed as Mr DG looked on in horror......................................."LOOK AT THIS"................................................................... Then as if by some magical occurrence more "Pings" sounded around the car park..........................."I HAVE ONE TOO" said another Mum.........................................."AND ME" screamed another....................................................

We all looked at each other and laughed in a slightly hysterical way..............................Mrs Cocky Pants grabbed her phone as it went off to and smirked a kind of "Ner ner ner ner ner" face. She began to read .................................... "Don't forget to clean my room LOL" was the message that she very quickly wished she hadn't read out loud..........................................We all did that "Never mind" face that us Mums are so good at and watched as she quickly stormed over to the waiting coach to demand to know why he had put that in a text.

The moment had passed and we all said our goodbyes clutching our little messages of love...................................He's been back a week now and I still haven't deleted it, I just cant bring myself to do it.

Lots of Love
Me
xx

Next time.......................................................The tale of the bag, the smell and the disappearing contents of my stomach.

Last Year..

This time last year I had bitten my nails down to unattractive stumps and created a bald patch on the dog due to constant Stress Stroking.....................................I had had a strop about how fat I looked in what I was wearing and shouted at Mr DG when he had dared to suggest I looked through my wardrobe and find something else.......................................................I am of course talking about preparing for BritMums Live and not just some random day at the shops.

This time last year I had packed, unpacked, packed and thrown my suitcase off the bed in disgust at not being able to fit everything in it.....................................I vaguely remember it hitting the now bald dog on the head which resulted in tears (me, not the dog).

The journey there was fine as Mr DG escorted me all the way to the front door before leaving........................This year I'm going it alone.................................................This year I haven't really stressed about what I'm wearing (well, I have a bit but not on the scale of last year), I haven't even thought about packing yet and the dog has a full body of fluffy Spaniel hair.

This year I am excited....................................................I have no clue what's going to happen but I'm prepared for every eventuality possible. I kind of wish I had a GPS implanted inside my ear so that Mr DG could guide me out of Moorgate Station to The Brewery and I'm absolutely convinced I will get lost at some point. However, I am armed with many phone numbers and I am sure they can point me in the right direction.

The only thing I am slightly nervous about is the awards ceremony in the evening............................Did I mention I'm a finalist in the laugh category ?..............................Did I ?............................................Well. I am......................................................That's a laugh in itself.................................Me........................................A Finalist.........................................I have never been in the finals for anything ..........................................Except that time I almost won a Jelly eating competition when I was 6 but that ended up in chaos when the kid next to me was sick and they called the whole thing off.................................I have dreams of winning (I wish) and tripping up the steps, knocking the podium thing over, falling of the stage and ending up with my face in someone's cleavage....................................I am not preparing a speech as I have no clue what on earth I would even say and to be honest I may of had one or two glasses of bubbly by then so I will probably just cry...................................................................

Someone asked me yesterday for a top tip, so here it is....................................Last year I was waiting in a coffee shop before hand and got swept away with the whole "Oh My God I Know You" thingy. I was totally convinced that I knew this woman and had been chatting to her for years on Twitter. After lunging at her I then proceeded to squeal and hug her with absolute conviction that she was who I thought............................WRONG................................Poor woman had only popped in for a Croissant and a coffee and worked across the road...........................CRINGE. After apologising many times I left, armed with this "never again" knowledge I decided that next time unless they had a Britmums badge on or they recognised me I would check out their picture on social media before lunging.............................

Looking forward to seeing you all and don't forget to come and say hello..................................

Selfie or On The Shelfie ?

Definition of a Selfie .............................A photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smart phone or web cam and uploaded to a social media website.


Yesterday myself and HRH (The Female Teen) took ourselves off to the movies to see Malificent. As we sat there drink in hand and popcorn between us I had the rather brilliant idea (I thought) of taking a "selfie" of the two of us...................................................This suggestion was met with not just horror but down right disgust at the mere thought of it......................................Was she embarrassed of me or just having a Teen moment.....................................Actually it wasn't either of those...............................It was just the whole "grown ups doing selfies" thing that bothered her.

That's the problem you see, they (the kids of today) think that they have invented bloody everything including taking photos of yourself...........................................Let me tell you, if I had had the technology that they all have at school these days I would of been permanently on it taking bloody selfies and groupies for that matter.

Has this public show of embarrassment put me off....................................................Of course not.............................It now makes me want to do it even more.

Looking back over some of my favourites I can understand why she may be a little embarrassed...

This was probably one of my first ever selfies................................OK, OK, I didn't actually take it but I would of if I had had a iPhone. Check out that rather fetching roll neck jumper, I was a huge fan of The Professionals and fashioned myself on Lewis Collins.

The Pout - Probably not best attempted at my age but to be fair I was at a fancy dress party and had gone as Sue Ellen from Dallas. Its a shame Mr DG didn't want to be on here......He looked hysterical as Bobby !!!

 The "Lets take one whilst we are driving" one - Not a great idea but we had been stuck in traffic for ages on our way to a health spa so I think we were alright. Particularly loving the "Don't get me in it" pose from The Northern Mothers best friend.








The "Look at me I'm trying to stay looking young" one - This had to be done based on the fact that I just looked so ridiculous............Bet you wouldn't see a Teen doing this.

 The "I've had too much Gin" one - I personally think these are the best types of selfies................What do you think??











 The "I've run out of Gin" one..........

 The "Its OK, I've found it" one. At least I think that's what's happening here......................................










So there you have it, my top selfie pics. Some you may wish to recreate and some you may not but make no mistake........................................This was not your idea kids it was just made possible by technology.

With Brit mums fast approaching I shall be looking to take lots of photos so get your best Selfie face ready folks.

Lots of love
Me
xxxx

This ain't gonna be pretty !!!!!

There are various times in my life when I think it would be better if I just stayed indoors..........................This weekend marks the start of a task I am dreading.............................It's something I have put off for weeks and quite frankly if I could go to sleep and not wake up until October I would be pleased......................................................This weekend I am going......................................DA DA DA..................................Swimsuit shopping.

I have several thingy-a-me-bobs coming up that require me to wear this piece of clothing (if you can call it that). The process will play out like this.................


1. Grab anything regardless of shape, colour, high leg, low leg, plunge, push up, secret tummy control or claims of total body transformation as quick as you can to avoid detection.

2. Wait patiently whilst assistant looks you up and down in a "oh dear, this ain't gonna be pretty" kind of way. Once a cubicle has become available shut yourself in remembering to pull cheap curtains all the way across so bum doesn't stick out whilst attempting to squeeze yourself into costume.

3. Ignore multitude of mirrors that could of been supplied from a circus Crazy Hall of Mirror factory.

4. Take of clothes revealing cellulite you didn't even know you had and various areas of fat that have appeared in the last 60 seconds.

5. Wrestle to get swimsuit off from expertly fitted hanger trying carefully not to snap label off.

6. Pour yourself into contraption making sure not to get sticky label on crutch of suit stuck anywhere painful.

7. Adjust boobs into under wired cups making a particular effort to make sure they are all in and no "Nip Slips" have occurred.

8. Take deep breath, slowly open eyes to a slight squint and cautiously glance quickly at ones reflection.................................................

9. DO NOT...................I repeat DO NOT look at back view......................Or to be honest side and front view either.

10. Repeat above process until you are either crying or relatively pleased with at least one of your choices.

The final phase is to give the other 26 items back to the waiting sales assistant..............................Sorry, that was a bit of a lie.......................We all know that 5 is the maximum amount allowed in changing area...........................................If I was 10 sizes smaller and braver I would love to see the look on their faces if I swanned out of the changing room in a bikini to go and look for another one in a smaller size.


Once ordeal is over and you have made it to the checkout the final humiliation is almost upon you....................................................Chosen costume is placed on counter and beautiful young assistant does her job by checking you know exactly what size you have picked and reminds you that once the sticky pube removal strip has been taken out you cant return it............................................If only they didn't have to shout it out for you to understand..................................................

Wish me luck....................I'm going to need it.

Lots of Love
Me
xxxxx

Up All Hours..........

Its always lovely when someone tells you that they love your blog or that it has cheered them up when their day isn't going very well. For me the best type of comment is one where someone might say "I laughed so much I snorted coffee out of my nose".

What I never expected was for my blog to be loved so much I would be asked if I would like to be a resident writer on a brand new parenting website known as Up All Hours................................

But...........................................That is exactly what did happen...............................I will be posting under the 40 Year Old Domestic Goddess on the website and covering anything Teen related.......What I loved the most was that I was encouraged to take a comical stance on it all which pleased me no end as its really my favourite way to write.

Today is D-Day and the fabulous website has gone live...............................Here's what Up All Hours had to say...

I hope you will come on over and take a look, I can assure you there really is something for everyone.

Lots of Love
Me
xxxxx

Off To BritMums Live 2014

It is less than a month until BritMums Live 2014 and I'm a tiny bit exited.............................OK......................................OK.....................I'm a bit more than tiny bit excited..........................................I'm actually verging on hysterical euphoria at venturing back to The Brewery and seeing all those smiley faces. Last year was very different and I almost didn't go due to nerves taking over, I wrote this post called Paddington Goes To BritMums and can only say to anyone who is nervous "Do it, take that leap and you will never look back"..................................I promise.

Anyway, I have decided it might be fun if I introduce myself in a slightly different way. Below you will see.............................Well...................................You will see ME.

I'm not hard to spot but just in case you cant find me look out for one of these faces...............

1. This is my "OH MY GOD ITS YOU, GET OVER HERE AND HUG ME" face. This is usually accompanied by a slight squealing noise that unfortunately escapes from my mouth at any given moment when I recognise your name.








2. Next is my "I cant find my glasses and cant bloody read your name badge" look. You will notice many people staring at your boobs.......Not hard to miss in my case.









3. At number 3 we have the "Did someone say there was cake over there" expression. There is lots of food to eat so my top tip is..............................Elasticated trousers or Super Glue as Lip Gloss







.

4. This is possibly how you may find me on Saturday morning after a few (cough cough) glasses of the fizzy stuff.










5. Here we have my "Its all over and I don't want to go home" very sad face.....................Look at that face..........................Its like Puss In Boots.









6. Assuming you still don't recognise me................................Here's my normal (I use these words loosely) face.










Looking forward to seeing you all very soon...............................Not long now.........................Squeeeallllllllllllllllllllllll !!!!!!

xx