My Very Own Room 101

Do some things annoy you so much that you just wish you could stick them all in a room and shut the door forever. I love the programme Room 101 and watch with joy as sometimes the celebrities pick things that I would of chosen to be dead and buried.

Here are my things to say bye bye too forever...

1. Creepy door salesmen - I cant stand them, they always start with the same line "Hello, I'm not selling anything"...........Well you obviously are so why lie in the first place. If they just said "Look, I'm really sorry to bother you but I'm just trying to earn a living" I might be more tolerant.

2. Clowns - I hate them, creepy, scary and all things that make my skin crawl. I once had one as a surprise when I was small and ended up in my room crying. As if that wasn't bad enough my mum sent him upstairs to get me down again.............................Imagine a clown poking his head round your door................Arggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

3. Bum Bags/Fanny Packs - What ever they are called should be banned.

4. Blue Bottles - Not as in the glass kind but the winged creature that not only look nasty but are totally annoying as well as gross. Anything that feeds on poo and then makes a bee line for your food should be gone.

5. Wasps - Cannot stand them, annoying wanna be Bees that make it their life's mission to ruin a picnic or barbecue.

6. Fleece Wolf print jackets - Why????

7. Ring Binder Files - Why oh why do they not reinvent the metal clip things that never meet in the middle.

8. Sandals with socks - Seen on many beaches in the summer. Is their reasoning behind this is to avoid getting sun burnt feet please tell me it is..............................

9. Comb Overs - Face it................Your going bald......................Shave it off...............It will make the world of difference. If you want to hang on to those 7 strands keep them in a trinket box.

10.Fifty Shades of Grey - With the impending movie about to hit us and make us feel totally inadequate in the bedroom this is the last thing on my list. Enough already with the sex every 2.7 minutes and the safe word rubbish. To be honest my safe word would be "Get Off Me Now" if I had to endure Christian Bloody Grey and his huge sexual appetite.

So there we go folks, that's my list. What would you put on your Room 101 list, do your post and mention this one, tag some friends or just have fun with it. I will give your blog a mention in a follow up piece. Together we can rid the world of all things annoying.........................................................

Silent Sunday

Silent Sunday 27.10.13

Lost

I never watched the show Lost but kind of wished I had, last week myself and a friend were having coffee and got on to the subject of who we would like to be stranded with if we ever found ourselves lost on a remote island. It wasn't as easy as you would think and took us some time and some rethinks before we both settled on a final group. Here are my camp mates........................

1. Dr Phil - Just in case anyone needs a bit of a talking too about our impending situation.

2. Michael McIntyre - Need someone to make us laugh, although I wonder if he is funny all of the time??

3. Justin Timberlake - Obviously I have no interest in someone so young (I'm no cougar) but he could teach me to sing and dance my way across that sunlit beach.

4. Steve Backshall - I know that Steve looks great without a shirt on but he would be totally necessary in case of creepy crawlies and other wild beasts.

5. Johnny Depp - Hes been a pirate so will know where to look for treasure.

6. David Beckham - Just in case I wanted to lean how to play football plus he would definitely have face cream and hair products.

7. Guy Fieri- One of my favourite American chefs..........................He would have to be there for obvious reasons...............I don't want to waste away.

8. Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy - It wouldn't be fair to just have all guys so I thought I would get on like a house on fire with these two.

9. Colin Firth - To read to us at night time.......................Oh, That voice.....

10. Lastly Hugh Jackman - I don't need to explain why......................Just because...............

In amongst that lot would be a doctor.........................Ooooo...............Maybe McDreamy from Gray's Anatomy and Gok Wan so I look my best all the time and have someone to tell me how fab I look even though I'm a curvy lady.

So, who would be on your list.............................Write your own post and mention this one in it, tag people if you wish or just link up to read all the others. I will give you a good old mention on Twitter and Face book with your Dessert Island List.

I'm off to dream................................................

Silent Sunday 20.10.13

Silent Sunday 20.10.13

 

 

 

Dear Santa

Dear Santa

I would imagine that you are quite surprised to hear from me being that I am 42 but I thought it might be worth a shot. After many many years of watching my kids have all the fun on Christmas morning I really feel that a little pressie from you to me is long overdue. I have read their demands to you year in year out and have to admit being a little shocked when The Whirlwind received a life sized Jedi Warrior after including it on his list.

Now, don't get me wrong I'm all for Xmas being about the kids but seriously....................A Jedi Warrior.........................He hadn't even been good that particular year. And when The Teenager demanded  enquired about your existence you managed to convince her by leaving snowy footprints all the way up the stairs..........................Thanks for that by the way..............Guess who had to clean that up ?????

Anyway, back to my reason for writing to you.

I have been good...............................................Ish................................All year i.e. I haven't needed bail money or a lawyer and lets face it as well you know I have definitely managed to bite my tongue many times this year. So Santa (can I call you that) with that in mind I am going to give you my list of wishes. If you can only manage 1 or 6 of them I would be extremely grateful and promise that I will never write to you again.

1. Hair free legs all year round..........................This is beneficial as I will no longer be spending Mr DG's money on waxing/shaving and snagged tights (win win).

2. A magic spell that makes The Tween Boys room smell more like freshly baked bread and coffee rather than a place that stinks like someone has sprayed a B.O flavoured air freshener in there.

3. A life sized figure of Hugh Jackman...............No wait......................A sculpture......................Oh heck........................What ever you can fit in your sack would be fine (if you are feeling really generous the real thing would be amazing).............................Although he will have to be visible only to me in case Mr DG gets a bit tetchy about him living with us.

4. A magic sound proof force field around the bathroom for when I am alone in there. No more kids/hubby barging in and deciding that it is appropriate to have a wee or chat to me about their days even though it is the first thing I ask the minute they come through the door.

5. A washing machine that not only cleans but dries, folds, irons and puts it all away whilst sorting out all the odd socks.

6. The ability to eat what I want without putting an ounce on.........................This one is very important, especially if I want Hugh Jackman to hang around.

There......................I think I'm done..........................Yep, I'm definitely finished. Ooooooooo...........................Wait!!!................................No, its OK....................................Being Queen is a bit much to ask for.

Thanks Santa and Merry Christmas.

Lots of Love
Me xxx

P.S You may find that this idea may catch on with other parents and for that I apologise.............................Although..................If you did make me Queen I could help you out with all the wishes............................Just a suggestion.............................Its up to you.......No pressure. xx

A Doggy Tail..

If you are not a doggy type of person.............................Switch over now.............................If however you are like me and a total softie when it comes to your dog then please read on. As many of you will know I have a dog called Baxter who is the complete apple of my eye in every way. Baxter was a substitute for a third baby and I am embarrassed to say that I have totally and utterly spoilt him like I would of a new baby.

Being a stay at home mum I didn't really have a lot of control over the fact I wasn't out all the time, which resulted in him being with me all of the time. This all sounds lovely but there is a downside to this which has come to light recently...................................................7 years on he now has the worst case of separation anxiety ever. The vet has said that it will eventually cause him to suffer a stroke or worse and that just breaks my heart......................I have done this................Me..................No one else.................................This poor dog was chosen by us and is now not able to cope when I leave the room or even worse go out.

Last night I watched the most fascinating programme called Dogs. Their Secret Lives on C4. This programme has come just at the right time for Baxter and I and covered a range of lovely dogs who had similar if not slightly worse symptoms than my pooch.

I started the training today with Mark Evans (the vet) words ringing out in my ears "It doesn't matter how old your dog is, this can work". As I placed the new blanket down Baxter looked at me with some concern and a slight air of "Oh God...What now", I sat with him as he licked his new Kong Toy (recommend by Mark) and waited until he had finished. This exercise is aimed at making him see the blanket and Kong toy as a relaxing experience and with me sitting next to him he can chill out. The aim is to move away from him a bit further each day thus resulting in the apron strings being cut and hopefully him being able to spend short amounts of time on his own.
.
I even recorded him today as I popped up to the post box, once I had got everything in place i.e. Blanket down, Kong toy at the ready and Parliamentary News on the TV in the hope that would bore relax him I headed off............................On my return I played it back and then ended up in tears at his pitiful howling and crying. To think that he is so sad and stressed out is heart breaking for me and I have to help him over come what I have done.

On a positive note.........................He did manage to stay downstairs whilst I cleaned upstairs today. I told him to sit and wait and guess what................He did........................Yippee !!! (Treats were given).

I would love to hear your stories or views on this topic and any little pieces of advice would be greatly appreciated. In the meantime I will continue on this journey to try and make him relax and I will report back at his progress.

Lots of Love
Me and Baxter.
xxxxxxx

Happy 3rd Birthday Blog

I remember the day you were born, it was a cold and rainy afternoon and quite frankly I was bored. I was fast approaching 40 and the thought filled me with horror...........................I cant be 40 can I ??????..................YEP!!! Was the answer................And what are you going to do about it, said that little voice in my head.

And that's kind of how it all began and you were created...................I had always wanted to write and a few people had suggested I have a go at a blog. So............................Off I went with my very first post  Here We Go. I remember feeling elated, nervous, excited and proud of this little piece of the cyber world that I had just entered into. Within a few minutes I had a comment, then another, then another, my heart leapt with joy that people were not only reading it but were excited to follow my adventures too.

That was 3 years ago and we are still going strong, I've even had a go at writing a mini thriller which I called Stolen. I am sure the proper writers out there will wince at the terrible grammar and crap spelling but it is my first time so don't be too harsh.

You have enabled me to put my big girl panties on and venture into the world of Twitter and even given me the courage to go to a massive blogging conference all on my own up in London where I met some of the nicest people ever.

It was you who told the stories of The Teenager and The Whirlwind as they turned from little kids into great big Teens, for that I shall be ever in your debt. When I am old and sitting in my rocking chair with a blue rinse drinking sherry I shall read you again and again and remember all of the stories I have given you to share with the world.

Whether you know it or not blog, you have changed me for the better and I am so proud of what we have achieved together. I guess it is a type of therapy and you are my Counsellor except that you don't charge and I don't have to lay on a couch.

So with that in mind, I just have one thing left to say...............................Happy 3rd Birthday Little Blog. xxxxxxxxx






This post has been linked up with the brilliant Jaime over at.................................................................

What's The Story

On the 12th October 1995 I made the longest most nerve wracking walk I had ever made. My Dad tried to keep things light by joking about someone's hat looking like a dead cat on her head and how he thought the vicar was drunk (he was by the way). I felt the eyes of 300 hundred people fall upon me and for a split second wanted to break out into "Dancing Queen" by Abba and dance my way up the isle.

I worried about what the man at the end might think (not the vicar) and wondered if he would cry too when we finally saw each other (he did by the way). The ceremony passed in a haze of crying and laughter (mainly at the vicar who couldn't get his words out due to the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed). And then.......................................................................................I became we (cheesy I know but totally necessary). We couldn't wait to get all the handshakes, kissing and squeezing of cheeks (on our faces not bottoms) out of the way and have a minute or two alone.

This photo was taken just as we were leaving to go to our reception and was very spur of the moment as our photographer "Bert" just shouted "STOP........LOOK AT ME", we both did as we were told and stopped then turned our heads in a very sort of Britain's Next Top Model absolutely had no training kind of way.

We have been married for 17 years last Saturday and although its been tough at times we have made it. Happy Anniversary Mr DG (he really does need a medal.......................or a stiff drink).

This post has been linked up with the totally gorgeous Charley over at .........................................

My A-Z of Teen Talk.

Having a Teenager and a Tween (almost a Teen) can prove rather tricky. I have been a Mother to this particular species for 16 years and I have to say..................................................."GIVE ME A GIN NOW"....................................No sorry, what I meant to say was..........................................It proves a daily challenge for me but can be very rewarding...............................It can...........................I promise.............................................Really.

Rather that going to evening classes to learn the art of "Teen Talk" I have cleverly devised my own A-Z of modern Teen language. I hope some of you will find this helpful and may even want to pin a copy of it on your fridge for future reference (or if you are super organised and have little ones..............Will learn it in advance).

A - Agg.............................This is a shortened term for Aggro or Aggravation, mostly used as " Awwwwwwwww no way Mum, its just total AGG if I have to clean my room now".

B - BBM - Black Berry Messenger, you will hear this time and time again i.e. "BBM me...." or "I cant Mum she's about to BBM me".

C - Check Vitals............................To check on emails, texts and various other ways of communication. (I actually quite like this one, but don't tell them).

D - Dunno.....................Loosely know as "I don't know".

E - Epic- Great, brilliant and generally quite good (my cooking has not received this terminology).

F - Fluke - A good outcome resulting from luck rather than skill.

G - Glitch - This is a term most used by Male Teens when something has gone wrong on Xbox and a complete meltdown is imminent.

H - Hassle - Usually used when homework is involved i.e. Q."Are you going to do the extension bit of your homework"? .......A."No, its just a hassle I don't need".

I - It wasn't me - I actually think I might add this little fella to my electoral roll as I'm sure he lives with us.

J - Jokes - Used when something offensive is said i.e. "Mum, you shouldn't really wear skinny jeans....JOKES". To be fair I probably shouldn't.

K - KPC - A texting term meaning "Keeping Parents Clueless".......They think..........Been there worn the t-shirt, tumble dried it and worn it again. Note To All Parents :- Always keep one step and thought ahead at all times.

L - Literally - Used by Female Teen i.e. "I literally cannot eat anymore" or "I am literally soooo tired I cant speak".

M - My Bad - Said when acceptance of a certain action is finally admitted i.e. "Sorry Mum, It was me who put cello tape on the dogs feet...... MY BAD".

N - Noob - Again used when playing Xbox referring to someone who is new to the game.

O - OMG - Meaning Oh My God , Female Teen often begins text with "OMG...You literally wont believe what just happened.......".

P - Pumped - Excited, highly motivated and exhilarated..........To be fair this one is not used very often unless you are one of the lucky ones.

Q - Queasy - Often used when wanting to stay home from school (usually when PE is involved).

R - Ridonkulous - Basically ridiculous but just a lot worse.

S - Sup - Actually means What's up, used when greeting another Teen species.

T - TMI - Translated into......... Too much information. Usually expressed when adults are daring to discuss sex.

U - Ugggggg - Sound made when Teen is awakening from a deep sleep and has been told he/she has 40 minutes before school starts.

V - Vanishes - More of a action rather than a word........This happens when any involvement is needed to do chores.

W - Whatever - Mainly heard when reprimanding Teen, this will usually come in some type of under the breath sound as marching upstairs. (them not me).

X - Xbox - As much as you say that your kids will never have one of these (I did) you will have one, I guarantee. When you do have one you will wish you had stuck to your guns.

Y - YOLO - Meaning :- You Only Live Once. I used this once...................Once.


Z - ZZZZZZZZZZ - The noise made by the sleeping Teenager..................................Can be heard until 2pm in the afternoon when you have to wake them due to the worry of bed sores forming.

My final piece of advice for you all is vital....................................................................................

Note :- If any of the above words are spoken by you (the grown up) please be aware that you will be glared at and then reprimanded by a Teen for daring to use their very own language. Only ever use these words in the safety of a grown up situation for your own amusement.

YOLO Peeps. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Silent Sunday 6.10.13

Silent Sunday

Mistaken Identity

So, there I was doing the usual shopping isle Olympics which included hurdling inconsiderate competitors trolleys that had been strategically left in the middle of the cold meat isle and the ever so popular 100m sprint down the bread isle to beat the shop assistants before they place their annoyingly massive cages that block your view from the particular type of pasta you love. To say I loathe the weekly food shop is an understatement, who wants to get bashed in the ankles, tutted at and glared at when I dare to spend too long looking at which Tampons I want this week. NOT ME!!!


I probably give off an air of annoyance and I am sure I scowl in complete hatred at doing this job and quite often I have even been known to say in a quite loud voice "I bloody hate this shop". So you can imagine my surprise when on this particular day I was alerted to 2 women staring at me whilst whispering and nudging each other..........................."Go on you go and ask her" said one "No, you go I cant just in case its not her" replied the other. "Its definitely her....Look she's even looking a cake stuff" whispered the first lady. I looked behind expecting to see Delia Smith but.....No....It was just me...............................What on earth were they talking about, it was definitely me they were staring at. I smiled a weak smile and sort of raised an eyebrow in a kind of "Tell me what's going on" way.

"I'm surprised you have time for shopping with all that's going on" said the now totally hyper women. "What are you baking this week"? she squealed. "Ummmmmm......"Just some fairy cakes with a variety of coloured icing on them" I said trying to sound enthusiastic. "Oh............Errrrrrrr........Right................Well I'm sure they will look as amazing as always" she said.

Then the question that confirmed they had the wrong person........"What's Paul Hollywood like, is he as gorgeous in the flesh as he is on TV"..................................It was at this moment I thought about lying just for a few seconds of fame, then curiosity got the better of me and I wondered who on earth they thought I was......................"I'm really sorry ladies, but I think you have the wrong person" I sheepishly said..........................."I bloody knew it wasn't her" said the red haired lady, "We are so sorry but we thought you was the lady from The Great British Bake Off. You look so much like her." she explained.

We stood for a while laughing at their case of mistaken identity and actually had quite a nice chat about who we wanted to win on GBBO. I couldn't wait to get home and have a proper look at my body double and hurriedly finished the shopping before going home.

So folks, here is my double apparently.......................I'm not sure but Mr DG and the kids can all see a slight resemblance.










I only wish I could bake like her as my fairy cakes were a complete disaster and only rose on one side in the oven. I thought the icing would cover up a multitude of sins only to find they looked even worse. In a state of panic I built a fairy cake tower and poured the icing all over the top......................................................................Mr DG's face was a picture when he walked in and we were holding the "Thing" whilst singing happy birthday.

I might be The 40 Year Old Domestic Goddess......................But I never said what I was a Domestic Goddess in did I??????????


I've linked up with the fabulous linkys over at Olivers Madhouse Magic Moments and PODcast What's The Story. Pop on over and read some amazing blogs.