Sunday, 8 July 2012

Essex Girl.....After The Tan Has Faded

Well that's it, it's all over. The Essex party has been and gone. In my previous blog I talked about the preparations to turn myself from Little Miss Stay At Home Mum into Little Miss Glamour Puss.
I began getting ready at 4.30.......Yes.....That's right 4.30. I know, I know that's incredibly early but trust me there is a lot of me to get ready. The buffing and tanning had been done the night before which then involved me changing all my bed sheets the next day as I revealed a perfect tan imprint of myself. YUCK!!!

Next was the make up. A smokey eye for me (or rather 2 smokey eyes as one would just look stupid). I had practised this as you all know so I felt quite experienced in the whole procedure.
The Teenager sat by my side watching and criticising helping as I plastered applied the black/brown/grey powder to my eyes. It suddenly struck me as I held my eyebrow up in the air to get a smoother finish that the reason the smokey eye looks so good on those younger girls is because they haven't approached that droopy eyebrow thing that has suddenly happened since I turned 40.

I DO NOT believe in fake eyelashes.
OK, so eyes done, liquid liner on.......All going well........Then its the eyelashes.......This is where it all started to go wrong. Like a curse had been placed on me by the eyelashes themselves.
As I started to stick the right one on I realised that I had lost the left one, all the furniture was pulled out as we searched the carpet for the little bugger. 20 minutes later I had decided that it was doomed and possibly fate seeing as the lash that was on was now sliding off..... "LOOK" said The Teenager "There it is" she pointed "Its stuck in your fringe" and there it was, perfectly embedded in my hair all doubled over and broken. So that was that, no fake eyelashes for me.

The hair was next which turned out to also go horrible wrong (I can almost hear my hairdresser groaning that "I told you to come in here and have it done"). First style looked like I had had a shaggy perm.
Second looked like Diana Ross (courtesy of the new Remington Curling Wand) so it was washed again and the straighteners came out. Not what I planned but at least it looked OK.

Next was the dress which in my head looked fine, as I walked out the door and caught a glimpse of myself in the porch window I realised that maybe an under the bust belt thingy probably wasn't the best of ideas as I looked about 6 months pregnant. But by then it was too late, so I reluctantly got into the car moaning that I looked fat and that maybe I should go and change. The Northern Mother who was dropping me down there didn't help the situation when she said "Don't be ridiculous, you don't look pregnant....Your far too old to be having a baby". GREAT TACTFUL AS EVER.

As the party started and old and new faces danced along together, I realised that it really didn't matter as all my friends loved me just the way I was. The Husband said he thought I looked gorgeous and I finally relaxed. There were many many funny moments during the evening including a first for me......

Actual handbags from last night.
1.Actual Dancing Around A Pile Of Handbags....Something that I had never done as a youngster.

2. Kicking my sparkly shoes off and dancing with a very dear friend of mine like we were at Glastonbury bare footed and not giving a damn.

3. Going to the loo and realising just in the nick of time I had loo paper stuck to my bare foot (I cant believe I went into a toilet with bare feet, what was I thinking)

My neighbours stunning shoes.
4. Being very proud and "Well Jell" all at the same time as my gorgeous neighbour managed to not only stay in her glittery shoes but danced all night in them.

5. The Birthday girl coming over to ask me if she looked OK only for me to have to tell her that her fake eyelashes were slipping into her Vodka.

I had a great time with the hubby and all of our friends and we partied the night away until midnight. As the two of walked home eating our cakes under a big umbrella in the pouring rain, we held hands and hummed the tune to Singing In The Rain. Everything was perfect and very romantic........And then as if I hadn't had enough bad luck at the beginning of the evening..................I stepped in a huge puddle which went up to my ankles and soaked the bottom of my dress as well as then having to walk home with squelch sparkly flip flops.......

So there we go, part 2 of the Essex Event of the year. I have to say I admire these girls who make it look so easy. I honestly wouldn't have the time or patience to do it every Friday and Saturday night.

So with that in mind I am off to put all the bling away and hang my dress up until I have lost 7 stone.

Thanks for reading

Lots of Love
Me xxx

P.S A special thank you to the 2 gorgeous ladies who made me feel almost famous last night and made me realise why I write this blog. You know who you are xxxxxxxx


  1. Oh my some bad luck there but sorry as usual I had a little chuckle! Im glad you had a lovely time out though even if you may not be doing it again in while!! x

    1. NoI will not be doing it again I can promise you that. Thanks for reading sweetie. xx

  2. Laughed all the way darling. Thank you for everything you have done and did to help make it happen xxxx

    1. No problem, I would say anytime...but I am not going to. Hee hee xxx

  3. Loved that episode of Vicar of Dibley! Your evening sounded great, can't believe that the tactless person made you feel oh so much worse by telling you how old you are as well as feeling fat!!!

  4. Loved that episode, great post! Hope you had a good night! xxxx

  5. glad you had fun hun! shame about the puddle tho :P piccy!!! xx

  6. Hey I love your blog, great work :) please come and have a look at mine. If you decide to follow me, I’ll follow you back :) xx


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