Wednesday, 13 June 2012
Tears and Tissues.
WARNING!!!! This is not my usual style of blog. Tissues may be needed. (I am only putting this warning on as my Mother is currently crying down the phone after I read it to her).
Today I am recovering from feeling like a total failure as a parent. I know we all have days like these but I am in need of someone to give me an instruction sheet.
This feeling stems from something that happened yesterday. The Teenager who is in Year 10 is currently sitting her GCSE's.........This came as a bit of a shock to me as I thought that GCSE's were all sat in Year 11, I don't know how I managed to miss this fact but somehow I did. Turns out that they now sit a percentage of each subject in Year10. Yesterday was her History exam which was 25% of her final mark, she has been amazing at revising and we are so proud of her for her dedication to learning.
As I waved her off yesterday from the upstairs window I was filled with love and pride at what a truly beautiful young lady she has become. Nothing is too much trouble for her and she has a heart of gold. Being one of the youngest in her year I have often thought about whether we should of kept her back a year but seeing how she is now I am glad that we didn't. As she disappears round the corner she looks back and blows me a kiss just to acknowledge that I am there and that secretly she loves the fact that I still wave goodbye. For me that little act of blowing a kiss confirms that she is happy and knows how much she is loved. (It is at this moment I must point out that the Whirlwind gets exactly the same treatment as he walks off but the response is slightly different.......He does look back but all I get is a slight nod of his head and a wink....I guess that's the difference between boys and girls.)
My day was much the same with things needing doing around the house and errands to run but always in the back of my mind was the little thought of The Teenager about to walk into that exam, I don't know why it kept niggling at me but it did, none of the other exams have made me feel like this. I looked at my watch at 1.45 and my tummy did a little flip. She would be walking in there now with all the other kids, sitting down and turning that sheet over.
Anyway, 3.45 came and I sat waiting for her to come home. Suddenly the phone rang and a little voice said "Mum........."
"Whats the matter? Are you OK? Whats happened?" I replied.
"It was awful," she whispered " I lost track of time and thought I had 25 minutes left when I realised I only had 5" it was at this point she dissolved into floods of tears.
As I ran round the corner I was met with a sight that was the complete opposite of the young lady that had blown me a kiss goodbye, instead I saw a frightened little girl that needed her mum. I scooped her up into my arms as we walked back up the path. She then had a total breakdown at how much pressure she feels and how 2 of the other teachers have now decided to do some mock exams next week so they know which sets to put them in next year.
I must stress that her form teacher has been amazing with them all and I am now in contact with her so that we can work together and make it a bit less stressful for her. But my main focus was helping her to relax at home and making her less fretful.
This was the moment I realised that I didn't have a magic answer, I didn't know what to say or do and quite frankly it took me a couple of minutes to regain some degree of adulthood. She probably cried for about 20 minutes and in amongst the tears, snot and sniffing I decided that what she needed was a glass of wine and a cigarette........No just kidding.....Honestly........What she needed was a warm bath, a cup of tea and her mum wiping her tears away.
And that is exactly what she did. I watched them as they battled their way round a virtual world in their little cars laughing and joking as they crashed into each other. There were no exams in Super Mario Land and no pressure to get an A* just a couple of guys in dungarees making weird noises when they jumped.
So there we go, I have no quick fire answers to help anyone in the same situation except to just be there with tissues and chocolate, all we can do as parents is support and guide and not put any unnecessary pressure on them at home, and if all else fails .............Get Super Mario involved.
After writing this post but before publishing it I put an SOS on Twitter asking for any advice, I was so grateful to all those gorgeous Twitter people who responded with ideas and general kindness. One fantastic lady called @The_Moiderer gave me some amazing tips on how to relax teenagers going through a stressful time. Please go over and look at her web page it really is very good. The Moiderer .
Sorry for being a bit emotional.
Lots of Love