Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Thank God For Gin & Tonic.

I made a fatal error when having my children. I don't mean a fatal error in actually having them but the timings of it all. Why didn't I think ahead instead of just "Oh I know.....Lets have another baby". The age gap between The Teenager and The Whirlwind is exactly 3 years and 6 months. Now I know that it seems the perfect distance between them but let me tell you something.....ITS NOT !!
I say this because at this present moment in time I have 2 very stressed out kids, this is due to the fact that The Teenager is taking her GCSE exams and The Whirlwind is sitting his SATS all this week.
Now, if you do the maths you will see that.....

2 x Kids (each needing help with revision) 
+ 1 Mummy (who is now an expert in Prime numbers and the genetic structure of our DNA )
/  Housework, ironing,cooking dinner and dog walking  
-  My Marbles  
= Mummy needing Gin & Tonic a lot earlier than usual.

By the time The Husband gets home from work I am wearing a kind of glazed look (oh no...wait a minute....that's because I am drunk).
The kids by this time are happily getting ready for bed feeling pleased with themselves for revising (well The Teenager is, The Whirlwind couldn't give a hoot) and I am still seeing Prime Numbers, Nouns and DNA pictures floating past my eyes.

I have to say in true genetic fashion that The Teenager being a girl is amazing at revision and has covered her room with little yellow post it notes so that she can go to sleep surrounded by her thoughts.
The Whirlwind on the other hand being a boy has to be drugged  dragged kicking and screaming to get any revision done. His idea of revising is 2.5 minutes skimming over his book, then announcing that hes done and its not his fault he doesn't like revising as "I am Mum, DONT forget.....A BOY".

The Teenager has a beautiful pencil case filled with everything needed for the exams.....The Whirlwind has a crappy stumpy pencil in his trouser pocket and an eraser in the other one.

It has to be said that being a stay at home mum has slightly fuddled my once very active brain and suddenly being faced with a GCSE Biology book was quite frankly sodding scary. I don't remember all this stuff when I did Biology, all I remember is being totally grossed out when our teacher used to bring in dead things for us to dissect, I used to wonder if she got up an extra hour early to look along the roadside for dead creatures or if she had actually bred these things for dissection and then on the morning of the lesson smacked them over the head with a blunt instrument and packed them up for us.
Either way, it was gross !!

Anyway, my fuddled brain is actually stirring and I can feel it gently waking up and actually understanding some of this stuff......Until yesterday I had no idea that we had 23 pairs of chromosomes, the only thing concerning pairs that I knew was that I had 23 pairs of shoes.

So onwards and upwards I must go and embrace the whole revision/torture sessions I am having to partake in each evening. I will get them through this and I will look composed and calm throughout this process. Tonight however is Physics and English and I am not sure if I will have a clue what they are talking about.

Never mind with the power of Gin & Tonic I can get through anything, whether I will still be awake at the end of it is a whole other issue.

Lots of Love
Me xxx


  1. I love your maths! Poor you, though, sounds very stressful, but very funny, too :-)
    Lesley x.

  2. Ha ha ha bless you!

    This so made me laugh, as always, and I'm dreading it all! After reading your post I may well have to get a taste for G&T! Who know what the kids will be talking about in their exams, whatever drunken drivel comes out of my mouth probably!

    Sounds like you are doing fab though, seriously, it can be so hard to support something you are not learning right now. You have to rely on the fact that they took it all in in the classroom and can tell you what it means before you can help them commit it to memory.

    All the very best me darling & thanks so much for yet another very entertaining read!

    Jess :-) x

    PS also very good luck to your young people who are put through their paces from such a young age. Give them a high five from me! :-D

  3. Thanks Jess. I will pass on your message to them bless them. The good thing about blogging is that there is always someone who is at the next stage, I take many notes from those.

    Thanks again darling girl
    Lots of love xxx

  4. This did make me chuckle. Me, myself find my solace in vodka & soda but do feel your pain. My eldest two have done their GCSE's & A levels & now I only have to worry about my 12 yr old trying to get her head around homework everyday, the toddler from hell & the teething baby.
    I wish your children the best of luck & I will offer them one piece of good advice that has seen me & my girls through all exams... Read through, look at the questions & re read before answering. Good luck chicklings... Xx

  5. Thankyou so much, I will pass on your top tip to them both.
    Thanks for reading my lovely xxx

  6. I can indeed relate to your predicament! My teen has become totally a revision free zone and is so laid back about exams that I wanted to strangle him! Today however he has been diagnosed with glandular fever and so may not even be able to sit the exams and now he and I am really panicking! I hop both do really well and it's lovely that you are helping them so much; well you and the gin!

  7. OMFG I have this to look forward to on top of my own study and revision! I best not get on the G&T as it will depress me more and the wine makes all the numbers muddle so I am thinking it will have to be chocolate, the only problem with that is my bikini body will disappear and I will be more upset and resort to frantic trips to the gym! Oh what to do, I know send them to SJ Thurley whilst hiding in the gym xxxx Great blog Mrs T loved it as usual xxx

    1. Thankyou my lovely, just send them round here and I will do my bit. xxxx

  8. I shouldn't laugh..but I found this very amusing. Especially the comparison between the pencil case and the stumpy pencil. Soon you'll be out the other side and with 6 weeks of summer holiday to look forward too...!

    1. Thats ok hun, I laughed at him too. I cant wait for it to all be over.
      Thanks so much for reading
      Lots of love

  9. Great maths and of course pass a G&T x

  10. Hi honey!!! Just read this blog after joining and liking your new page. Thanks for the reminder to do so. I loved reading this!! Chris had a Maths test yesterday and I kept reminding him to take all the necessary equipment. I offered him a see through pencil case to carry it all in. He declined of course and just stuffed it all in his pocket (as Harry will do when he is 18 and as he is already doing at 11 lol!!! ). Chloe reminds me of Millie. It's so funny to hear your experiences. I tried to help too but the Maths is not my strong point, only English. Science....well forget it. Thanks for sharing this!!! xxxx


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