EMERGENCY BLOG. The Wind Beneath My Wings.

This is an emergency blog.

I can no longer carry on with this bloody Colour Diet. Not only have I put weight on but I am now suffering with the most extreme case of wind ever known to woman. I understand that farting is not really a very ladylike subject but I just felt the need to get it all out ........ my  feelings..........not the wind.
My reason for quitting this diet all came down to the most embarrassing moment of my whole life today at the gym. I only went because I had put weight on this week, and then the unthinkable happened to me.
Picture the scene.........There I am all gym kitted up in my latest gear, looking (I think) like I've been doing this exercise lark for ages. The gym itself was quite quiet all except for the most handsome man I have ever seen (aside from my Husband who reads my blog so.. LOVE YOU!!!).

He was lifting the equivalent of a small community in hand weights and I was trying desperately not to look at him doing it. He smiled at me and I smiled back all be it with a bit of a girly smile. Wow I thought, get me......All this gym work is finally paying off and handsome men are smiling at me. Usually they only smile at my friend who I normally come with as she looks like a real gym bunny instead of me who looks a bit like I just play at being one.
Anyway, there I was doing some type of walking/running......who am I kidding.....walking/fast walking when I noticed he was coming over to me. "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!" I screamed in my head. "Play it cool now, don't go all girly and stupid". It was at this moment it all went very very wrong, he approached my running machine and stood looking at me, I in turn pulled the headphones out of my ears and gave him that look that says "yes, can I help you".
In my head I wondered if he was going to tell me that I was the most gorgeous creature he had ever seen and that he had to run away with me to Aruba ,(message for The Husband....I would never do this because I LOVE YOU).

This is what I thought in my rather stupid head, what he actually came over to tell me was this......"HI, I thought I should let you know that you have a piece of loo paper sticking out of the back of your trousers, and knowing that there are some really shallow people up here I thought I should warn you."
I think I must of gone the colour of a postbox as I thanked him kindly. As if this wasn't bad enough as I turned my upper body round to retrieve the loo paper, the unthinkable happened.........Yes you've guessed it ............I farted/passed wind/trumped/blew off what ever you want to call it, I did it. I think the word embarrassed doesn't actually cover what I was feeling, it was sort of a mixture of shame and wanting to die right there. The worst thing was that he didn't even do the gentlemanly thing and ignore what he had heard, oh no he did the worst thing possible and .....he bloody laughed. Can you believe it, fancy laughing at my windy misfortune. Rather than laughing with him I then went into full explanation mode of how I was doing this diet and how gassy it made you blah blah blah blah. When will my brain learn to engage before I open my mouth.
He then proceeded to give me diet tips and tell me all about why we get gas and what I could do to reduce it. Oh the shame.!!!

As if the whole windy experience wasn't bad enough I then realised whilst getting changed that I hadn't brought my bra so had to drive home bra less with my boobs looking like a couple of Spaniels ears.

As I drove, a smile crept up onto my face and before I knew it I was laughing hysterically to myself. God only knows what the others drivers must of thought as I giggled and chuckled, I only stopped when I reached the Police Station and suddenly thought of the horror should a  Policeman come out and see me like this, he may think I'm drunk and then I will have to step out of the car with no bra on and let me assure you he would definately notice them swaying in the breeze.

So there we go, my main reason for coming off of this diet early. Not only am I starving I am now in total shame at ever going back up the gym.
Plus ........I'm still windy.!!!!!

Lots of Love
Me xxxxx