10 Things I Should Of Learnt By Now

There are times when I say "IS IT ME?"....................There are times when I might even say "WTF"......But more often than not you will regularly find me saying "WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN". Here are my Top 10 Do's and Don'ts of everyday life.

1. DO NOT expect to much from people: Just because you might go the extra mile does not mean that they will too. Some people are just not built like that, if you don't expect you won't be disappointed.

2.  DO NOT prepare a slow cooked stew in the morning: Chopping onions after putting Mascara on only ends in disaster.

3. DO NOT take criticism personally: This is something I am fabulous at. I tell myself that the other person is not attacking me, but it's an easy trap to fall into, and I am happy to oblige.

4. DO NOT worry about things that are out of your control: I am the worlds biggest worrier, in fact if I haven't got anything to worry about then I will actually worry about that. I am learning slowly that it is a big huge waste of energy and time.

5. DO think before you respond to "stupid": I am teaching myself to think what will happen and how will I feel in 3 hours if I respond to someone stupid. More often than not it stops me from making a situation worse. I recently had to deal with a nasty problem and with the help of a good blogging friend (thank you Suzanne Whitton) took some time out before acting in haste and possibly making the situation worse.

6. DO except compliments : I am great at giving them but rotten at accepting them and will always come back with a comment like "Oh, its good lighting" or "Its all done with mirrors". If someone wants to tell you that you look nice then just a simple "thank you" will do. 

7. DO except that none of us really know what we are doing as a parent : We are all just muddling along in the hope of getting it right, just try not to mess them up too much and remember to show them how to be a decent human being. Above all, tell them you love them every day and how proud you are of them.

8. DO trust your gut instinct : Mine has yet to steer me wrong but I have unfortunately chosen to ignore in the past. Remember, if it feels even slightly wrong then it probably is.

9. DO NOT buy a piece of clothing to "slim" into : You will never end up wearing it and it will just frustrate you every time you look at it. 

10. DO NOT drink alcohol when you haven't eaten.......Enough said.

There are many more and I could go on and on......................But I won't. I would love to hear your Do's and Don'ts  in the comments.

Lots of Love
Me 
xxxxx

Parents Evening Olympics

Good morning sports fans and its a lovely day in leafy Sussex, the days events are just about to get underway and we are kicking off with the 100m Steeple Chase...........................................

In lane one we have Pushy Mum who will stop at nothing to get her child in that spotlight.

In lane two its Mrs Look At Your Shoes, this poor soul is clearly scarred from her own haunting memories of childhood parents evenings. This is going to be tough race for her so plenty of encouragement please folks.

In lane three we have the hugely popular I Know The Teachers By Their First Names and there is no stopping her as she limbers up ready to pounce.

In lane four the crowds favourite Mr Memory Lane who proceeds to tell anyone that will listen what a complete wag he was at school much to his child's embarrassment.

And finally in Lane five the undisputed Mrs Raised Brows who has spent much of the warm up session telling everyone how perfect little Johnny is.

The scene is set and the runners are on their starting blocks the atmosphere is electric as a hush falls over the crowds. Its so tense you could cut the air with a knife........................A slight move from one of the runners and someone screams from the crowd "FALSE START.....FALSE START"................

AND THEIR OFF...............................................................................................................................

Its Mrs I Know All The Teachers whose out of the blocks first ,she narrowly avoids knocking Pushy Mum straight over a row of chairs and causing chaos. Pushy Mum holds her ground and elbows her back into her lane............................HOLD ON WHATS THIS.................Mr Memory Lane has just hurdled the Headteacher whose crouched down to do his shoe lace up, he's determined to get to that Science appointment first and makes no apology as he clips the poor man in the head with his foot.

Looking back down the classroom Mrs Raised Eye Brows hasn't even left the blocks due to Little Johnny deciding that now might be a good time to tell her that he got an internal exclusion last week for calling one of his teachers a "Twat" She's livid and has a startled expression on her once smug face.......Poor Little Johnny is getting a right telling off as mum decides to walk the rest of the track with her head hung.

So ladies and gentlemen we are down to just 4 runners and the race is really hotting up..................There are scuffles and shouts as Pushy Mum really lives up to her name and literally does push random parents out of the way to get to that table. The teachers have a stunned expression on their faces as the runners approach, one even covers her head in fear of being trampled.

The finish line is in sight and the competition couldn't be any closer, Mr Memory Lane and Pushy Mum are neck and neck with Mrs I Know All The Teachers trailing behind mainly because she has seen someone she knows and has decided to stop for a chat............................BUT WAIT A MINUTE......................WHATS THIS.......................We had almost written off Mrs Look At Your Shoes who didn't seem to be doing anything but staring at the floor, she is powering through with grace and speed....................................She hurdles the water jump with ease swerving round the other runners without them even noticing...........Mr Memory Lane catches a glimpse of her Ballerina Pumps as she passes him like a rocket.................................The desk is clear, the teacher is ready and ..................And.......................SHES DONE IT........................Mrs Look At Your Shoes is in the chair and already shaking hands with Mr Smith the Science teacher.

What a race we have had here today at the Parents Evening Olympics, the other runners look crushed as Mrs Look At Your Shoes not only wins but gets a glowing report for little Billy as well as a handshake from The Head Teacher who is unfortunately nursing a bruised head due to Mr Memory Lane.

And just when we think its all over the race seems to be off again as Mrs Look At Your Shoes begins to push her chair back ready to move on.....................Mr Memory Lane and Pushy Mum are poised once again......................................AND THEIR OFF.



I am linking up with fabulous new Big Fat Linky by The Dad Network.

The 6 Stages Of PMS.

What does PMS mean to you ? To me it means a few things................................................................

1. Puffy Mid Section
2. Provide Me with Sweets
3. Psychotic Mood Swings
4. Pardon My Swearing
5. Pass My Sweatpants
6. Pleasant Member of Society

Every month I lurch between a range of moods, looks and emotions and in its path I leave a trail of devastation and destruction. Once out the other end I then encounter that good old favourite "Guilt".

I start off quite normal (whatever that is) I look alright, my hair looks clean and my make up stays in place all day. I become my normal weight and I am happy, energetic and healthy.

Then.......Just as I am enjoying life it begins.

I suddenly notice a need for more coffee, which is not usual for me but when I realise that I have run out in one day this alerts me to the fact there is something brewing. My jeans feel a little tighter, my ankles look attractively swollen and I am experiencing hot flushes. This is called the "Puffy Mid Section" phase and its a total bloody joy.....

Next is the delightful "Provide Me with Sweets" phase, I eat them then feel guilty then eat some more. I can't just have one bar or even two its like someone has told me that the world is running out of Chocolate that day and I must inhale every last bit. I can cry at the drop of a hat and don't even get me started on those adverts with Mums and Daughters.......Sob sob sob..........Wa Wa Wa......Someone call me a WAmbulance.

Stage 3 and 4 are my personal favourites NOT! Its the "Psychotic Mood Swing" phase and I am a particular expert at this one. I can make a mountain out of a molehill, become paranoid that everyone hates me and then feel the need to possibly smash something. On top of all that I spend the whole time saying "Pardon My Swearing".........Classy.

Stage 5 is the big event and the "Pass My Sweatpants" time. I am swollen, in pain, fed up and in need of my bed. Its at this time that I start thinking how easy men have it..........Come to think of it have you noticed how the bloke word comes into everything we have to go through......MENstrual Cycle............MENopause..........GYnaecology................You get the drift.

The final stage is upon me and quite frankly I am totally exhausted, this is called the becoming a "Pleasant Member of Society" time and the only thing that will do is a face pack, my dressing gown and a big bowl of Pop corn followed by a good film and a lot of apologies.  The relief is apparent and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel...................Then it hits me...........................14 days until I start all over......................Nooooooooooooooooooooo !!!!!!

What are you top tips to getting through this wonderful part of being a woman ???

Lots of Love
Me
xxxxxxx