Sunday, 25 March 2012

My Trip To Bikini Bottom .

All this warm weather has suddenly sent me into a state of panic. It has cleverly reminded me that I am supposed to be loosing the weight of a whole other person before I go on holiday in August. The main focus is that all important all consuming quandary of whether to wear a swimsuit, tankini, bikini or tent. I have spent the morning looking on various websites at the array of swimwear, the colours the styles and how much of your bum hangs out the back.
It is our first vacation abroad in 7 years due to the fact we have holidayed in this country, which has been great mainly because its not really warm enough to wear a bikini and hoodies with shorts is thoroughly acceptable.
The last time we went away I took a total of 3 bikinis in a variety of colours. This turned out to be a total disaster......
1. First bikini, a fetching yellow colour... went completely see through only noticed by the Husband after I had been parading round the poolside thinking that everyone was staring at me because I must of looked hot.

2. Second bikini, a bright pink, this one didn't go see through, however I had put the bottoms on inside out and only noticed the gusset when I had sat down for lunch.

3. Third bikini, a tropical orange, this one was the right way on and didn't go transparent, going well I hear you say, well that was until I slipped in the pool and dropped a whole tray of drinks everywhere. CRINGE!!

So you can see why I'm worrying cant you. The Teenager will of course look gorgeous in what ever she wears, cellulite free with everything where it should be and nothing drooping. (Not that I'm bitter... MUCH).

I think I will probably stick to a nice swimsuit with tummy control, boob lifting device and one that claims to make me look 7 sizes smaller than I am. And all this before I even start thinking about whether to wax, shave or use a stinky cream OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!

Think maybe holidaying in Siberia is looking promising for next year.


  1. Where whatever you fancy & lie next to someone who looks much worse :)

  2. haha. Know excatly where you are coming from. But could be worse. . could go eu natral lol. Personally, I think you have a fab figure and should go with what shows you off in all your glory

  3. Oh my Lord, I dont' think I could wear a bikini these days - not after a C-section. Swimsuit all the way for me - although like you I had one that went see through. But oh no, wearing a bikini bottom inside out - you must have felt mortified!!!! Did make me laugh though!:o).

  4. Thankyou for your comments. Loving Fab 40's idea just need to seek that person out. Thankyou lovely Lizzie Loodles you are a sweetie. Older Mum thankyou for sympathizing with me, mortified didnt cover it. Thank god we are not going back there this year. xxxx

  5. Sooooo funny made me laugh VERY loudly!

    Once upon a time I dropped my shorts on the beach thinking I'd put my bikini on but guess what? Yes, no pants! I quickly put the towels under my arm so I could put the beach bag over my head and went back to he apartment, such absolute humiliation. I feel your pain!

    My husband doesn't understand he just says I look great but I've explained that technically you're just walking around in your underwear (if you're lucky enough to have remembered to put that on, of course) It might be labelled 'bikini' but it's still 'underwear' It's kind of like the Emperor's New Clothes, just because someone says this is appropriate wear for the beach doesn't stop it being what you know in your heart to be true, it's pants and bra.

    Ha ha love it, thanks so much for the very funny post & I wish you much luck with the dilemma :-) Jess x

  6. That is hilarious! No don't do bikinis and luckily we haven't been abroad for years so I haven't needed one! I perish the thought tbh! I am the one in a heat wave who is still covered up head to toe as I hate showing any flesh at all! I did once make the mistake of wearing a bikini on a school trip I went on as a teacher, went down a waterside and the top came off in front of a load of year nine boys! That has scarred me for life I think!

  7. I think my bikini days may be over. I don't have enough lung capacity to be able to suck the amount of breath in needed to make me remotely thin enough to parade in public. Pasty skin and freckles are my excuse for not going anywhere over 20 degrees but in all honesty, the world does not need to see my jelly belly.

  8. Great comments ladies, thankyou for reading xxx

  9. Holiday in the US, the home of the larger lady in a swimsuit. Made me feel fab. But seriously, for very flattering swimwear try the Speedo website - not just your black school swimsuit anymore. I have a stunning red one, which does quite a good job. Wouldn't go near a bikini these days.

    Good luck, enjoy your hols. I enjoyed your blog post. :)

    Lesley x.

  10. Thanks Lesley, will give that a look. Bikinis are now officially banned here.



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