5 Things I Never Told My Parents

I spent last weekend with some old school friends.................Not old in the sense of "old" but old in the sense of I have known them a really long time. We are all in our 20's.................30's..............OK, OK who am I kidding 40's and I have to say we are all looking bloody fabulous, admittedly there is a bit more of me than there is of them but whats 15 stone between friends. 

This reunion got me thinking about my school days and especially my teenage years, I know I moan about my two but if I am really honest..........................Really honest..............They are actually pretty perfect compared to me. Maybe that's why they are the way they are, not only have I worn the t-shirt iI have washed it, tumble dried it and worn it again. 

My Mum who worked incredibly hard had a hairdressing salon built in our house so I was pretty much allowed to come and go as I pleased........................In truth I took full advantage of this situation and worked out quite quickly that the best time to ask for money or whether I could go out was when she was right in the middle of a perm or highlights..........."Yes, yes" she would say "Just take £5 out of my purse and be back when it starts getting dark"..........................SCORE !!!!

What could I do first ?????????????

1. Smoke - Yep, that's right I smoked....................Well, I say smoked.............What I actually did was suck it in and blow it out. We smoked some type of Spanish cigarette that my friend used to pinch from her Dad and if I am truthful they were disgusting. We would hide behind the local shops and puff away thinking we looked so cool, then one of us would run to the shops and buy a packet of Polo mints so we could disguise the smell..............I remember the first time I actually inhaled the vile taste and coughed and sputtered just as the boy I fancied walked past......Cool hey.

2. Annoy the shop keepers - This was a particular favourite past time of mine, I am only amazed they didn't give us a good hiding. My best friend and I even got locked in one store..............I can still remember it now, it was The House Of Holland shop and we loved it. We were only supposed to go in there to have a look at the toys but decided to hide from the manager, after 20 minutes we suddenly realised we had been locked in whilst he went to lunch............Did we cry or panic ??? Nope.......We rode round the whole store on display bikes. Once we saw him coming back we hid again, waited for him to open up and then strolled out as if nothing had happened.

3. Set up my own hairdressing salon - During the summer holidays whilst Mum was out I actually set up my own shop.....................IN HER SALON................After spending so much time watching Mum do highlights I became a bit of an expert. Remember the jelly cap with the holes....................Yep..........................I did that. My friends would come round and after popping the cap on and pulling the hair through with the hook thingy I would then mix up the bleach and paint it on their hair.....................20 minutes later................Ta Da..................Beautiful just walked out of the salon hair..................£2 please...................Thank you very much......................Mum never even noticed her depleting bleach stock.

4. Hack The Telephone - My Dad fed up with a huge phone bill decided it would be a good idea to install a lock on the dial of the phone (God now I am showing my age)........................I in turn learnt that if you tapped the black buttons under the receiver very quickly it did in fact dial each number for you. My Dad could never understand what the hell was going on when the bill came through equally as high as it was before the lock.

5. Excluded from school - This is by far the worst thing I ever did...................I am almost embarrassed to admit it...........................I got excluded from school for 2 days (and I am not telling you what for before you ask, only that it involved frozen Prawns), rather than tell my parents I decided to intercept the letter that plopped on the doormat informing them of my impeding exclusion. Not only did I forge their signatures I then handed it in to the school office telling them that my parents couldn't come in due to work commitments...........And they bought it....................I couldn't believe my luck. Now my problem was how was I going to get away with this dastardly plan...........I will tell you.................Each morning I would go to school as usual but instead of actually going there I would sit in the park with the other 2 girls that had been excluded and sunbath all day............................................Shocked.......................I was.............................I am fair skinned and sunbathing was not for me. After 3 days of sunning it I ended up with a heat rash and a bloody thumping headache..................Karma had struck.

My poor Parents..................................What was I even thinking about when I did these things. I feel like I have just taken confession and actually feel much lighter.....................................................Who am I kidding...........................................I loved every minute of it and I suppose in the grand scale of things I was only doing what all Teens were doing at the time.............................What ????................You weren't doing those things ?...................................Just me then.

Sorry Dad and Mum xxxxxxx