Last Year..

This time last year I had bitten my nails down to unattractive stumps and created a bald patch on the dog due to constant Stress Stroking.....................................I had had a strop about how fat I looked in what I was wearing and shouted at Mr DG when he had dared to suggest I looked through my wardrobe and find something else.......................................................I am of course talking about preparing for BritMums Live and not just some random day at the shops.

This time last year I had packed, unpacked, packed and thrown my suitcase off the bed in disgust at not being able to fit everything in it.....................................I vaguely remember it hitting the now bald dog on the head which resulted in tears (me, not the dog).

The journey there was fine as Mr DG escorted me all the way to the front door before leaving........................This year I'm going it alone.................................................This year I haven't really stressed about what I'm wearing (well, I have a bit but not on the scale of last year), I haven't even thought about packing yet and the dog has a full body of fluffy Spaniel hair.

This year I am excited....................................................I have no clue what's going to happen but I'm prepared for every eventuality possible. I kind of wish I had a GPS implanted inside my ear so that Mr DG could guide me out of Moorgate Station to The Brewery and I'm absolutely convinced I will get lost at some point. However, I am armed with many phone numbers and I am sure they can point me in the right direction.

The only thing I am slightly nervous about is the awards ceremony in the evening............................Did I mention I'm a finalist in the laugh category ?..............................Did I ?............................................Well. I am......................................................That's a laugh in itself.................................Me........................................A Finalist.........................................I have never been in the finals for anything ..........................................Except that time I almost won a Jelly eating competition when I was 6 but that ended up in chaos when the kid next to me was sick and they called the whole thing off.................................I have dreams of winning (I wish) and tripping up the steps, knocking the podium thing over, falling of the stage and ending up with my face in someone's cleavage....................................I am not preparing a speech as I have no clue what on earth I would even say and to be honest I may of had one or two glasses of bubbly by then so I will probably just cry...................................................................

Someone asked me yesterday for a top tip, so here it is....................................Last year I was waiting in a coffee shop before hand and got swept away with the whole "Oh My God I Know You" thingy. I was totally convinced that I knew this woman and had been chatting to her for years on Twitter. After lunging at her I then proceeded to squeal and hug her with absolute conviction that she was who I thought............................WRONG................................Poor woman had only popped in for a Croissant and a coffee and worked across the road...........................CRINGE. After apologising many times I left, armed with this "never again" knowledge I decided that next time unless they had a Britmums badge on or they recognised me I would check out their picture on social media before lunging.............................

Looking forward to seeing you all and don't forget to come and say hello..................................

Selfie or On The Shelfie ?

Definition of a Selfie .............................A photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smart phone or web cam and uploaded to a social media website.


Yesterday myself and HRH (The Female Teen) took ourselves off to the movies to see Malificent. As we sat there drink in hand and popcorn between us I had the rather brilliant idea (I thought) of taking a "selfie" of the two of us...................................................This suggestion was met with not just horror but down right disgust at the mere thought of it......................................Was she embarrassed of me or just having a Teen moment.....................................Actually it wasn't either of those...............................It was just the whole "grown ups doing selfies" thing that bothered her.

That's the problem you see, they (the kids of today) think that they have invented bloody everything including taking photos of yourself...........................................Let me tell you, if I had had the technology that they all have at school these days I would of been permanently on it taking bloody selfies and groupies for that matter.

Has this public show of embarrassment put me off....................................................Of course not.............................It now makes me want to do it even more.

Looking back over some of my favourites I can understand why she may be a little embarrassed...

This was probably one of my first ever selfies................................OK, OK, I didn't actually take it but I would of if I had had a iPhone. Check out that rather fetching roll neck jumper, I was a huge fan of The Professionals and fashioned myself on Lewis Collins.

The Pout - Probably not best attempted at my age but to be fair I was at a fancy dress party and had gone as Sue Ellen from Dallas. Its a shame Mr DG didn't want to be on here......He looked hysterical as Bobby !!!

 The "Lets take one whilst we are driving" one - Not a great idea but we had been stuck in traffic for ages on our way to a health spa so I think we were alright. Particularly loving the "Don't get me in it" pose from The Northern Mothers best friend.








The "Look at me I'm trying to stay looking young" one - This had to be done based on the fact that I just looked so ridiculous............Bet you wouldn't see a Teen doing this.

 The "I've had too much Gin" one - I personally think these are the best types of selfies................What do you think??











 The "I've run out of Gin" one..........

 The "Its OK, I've found it" one. At least I think that's what's happening here......................................










So there you have it, my top selfie pics. Some you may wish to recreate and some you may not but make no mistake........................................This was not your idea kids it was just made possible by technology.

With Brit mums fast approaching I shall be looking to take lots of photos so get your best Selfie face ready folks.

Lots of love
Me
xxxx