The 6 Stages Of PMS.

What does PMS mean to you ? To me it means a few things................................................................

1. Puffy Mid Section
2. Provide Me with Sweets
3. Psychotic Mood Swings
4. Pardon My Swearing
5. Pass My Sweatpants
6. Pleasant Member of Society

Every month I lurch between a range of moods, looks and emotions and in its path I leave a trail of devastation and destruction. Once out the other end I then encounter that good old favourite "Guilt".

I start off quite normal (whatever that is) I look alright, my hair looks clean and my make up stays in place all day. I become my normal weight and I am happy, energetic and healthy.

Then.......Just as I am enjoying life it begins.

I suddenly notice a need for more coffee, which is not usual for me but when I realise that I have run out in one day this alerts me to the fact there is something brewing. My jeans feel a little tighter, my ankles look attractively swollen and I am experiencing hot flushes. This is called the "Puffy Mid Section" phase and its a total bloody joy.....

Next is the delightful "Provide Me with Sweets" phase, I eat them then feel guilty then eat some more. I can't just have one bar or even two its like someone has told me that the world is running out of Chocolate that day and I must inhale every last bit. I can cry at the drop of a hat and don't even get me started on those adverts with Mums and Daughters.......Sob sob sob..........Wa Wa Wa......Someone call me a WAmbulance.

Stage 3 and 4 are my personal favourites NOT! Its the "Psychotic Mood Swing" phase and I am a particular expert at this one. I can make a mountain out of a molehill, become paranoid that everyone hates me and then feel the need to possibly smash something. On top of all that I spend the whole time saying "Pardon My Swearing".........Classy.

Stage 5 is the big event and the "Pass My Sweatpants" time. I am swollen, in pain, fed up and in need of my bed. Its at this time that I start thinking how easy men have it..........Come to think of it have you noticed how the bloke word comes into everything we have to go through......MENstrual Cycle............MENopause..........GYnaecology................You get the drift.

The final stage is upon me and quite frankly I am totally exhausted, this is called the becoming a "Pleasant Member of Society" time and the only thing that will do is a face pack, my dressing gown and a big bowl of Pop corn followed by a good film and a lot of apologies.  The relief is apparent and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel...................Then it hits me...........................14 days until I start all over......................Nooooooooooooooooooooo !!!!!!

What are you top tips to getting through this wonderful part of being a woman ???

Lots of Love
Me
xxxxxxx