Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Tears and Teens

The bedroom door is firmly shut, the sounds of some game he is playing echoes through the keyhole and into my ears. Do I knock or just walk in, I just don't know anymore whether its the thing to do. I stand for what seems like an eternity listening as he laughs and chats to invisible friends I have only met a few times. I'm not sure what I am waiting for or hoping to hear.....Maybe something like "My mum is so cool" or "I love my mum so much"............................Who am I kidding, that's not going to happen is it, I'd have more chance of Hugh Jackman knocking at the front door and asking for a cup of sugar.

Then a brief interlude, the controller is being put down and I can hear him getting up to come to the door......I panic, almost running on the spot. I don't want him to know I was eavesdropping. I turn and dive into my bedroom pretending I'm collecting the washing. He looks at me suspiciously..........................Then the washing catches his eye and he turns and walks off down the stairs.

His bedroom looks...................................Well.....................................Grown up...........................Electrical gadgets litter his bed and the latest Xbox magazine lays strewn across the floor. It smells of "Boy" in there and I notice he has set a little grooming station up in the corner. Hair wax, deodorant and...........................What's that.......................................Oh my God..............................Its a hair brush.

I stare into the unrecognisable room for a while and remember when it was baby blue and yellow. That's was how is was when he came home from hospital 13 years ago, it smelled of talcum powder and baby wipes and balloons adorned every corner........................."CONGRATULATIONS"........................................"BABY BOY".................

I hear footsteps approaching and wipe a rogue tear away from my eye, he's next to me. A hand takes mine and squeezes................................................."You OK Mum" he asks......................................."Course I am gorgeous" I reply.

I cant let him know that I miss him and wish that he was a baby again causing mayhem, I cant tell him that I wish I had played with him more instead of worrying that he wasn't getting enough sleep or taken him to the park every day instead of twice a week just because he would run off and I would have to chase him. I cant let him see that it breaks my heart each time he goes to bed and doesn't need a lullaby to help him sleep. I wish I had watched him more, wish I had videoed him every day so I could remember. I regret not seeing that he just wasn't ready for  pre-school and forcing him to go every day even when he screamed and cried for me, I should of been firmer when they told me at school that he had too much energy...........................................I should of said "He's mine and he's amazing and if you don't see what a funny, loving and slightly spirited little boy he is then maybe I should take him somewhere else".

This is it.........................I have to accept that he is growing up and it is time to watch him spread his wings. I must recognise that myself and Mr DG have helped him to be the charming, chatty, confident, loving and funny young man that stands in front of us.

I am so proud I could burst........................................................................We have got to the magical age of 13 and he is going to be OK........................................He really is................................................Because he has us and we will guide him gently through this next stage in his precious life.

I wish I could stop crying, but I cant. The tears fall and I know I am being ridiculous......................I still have loads of years ahead when I am going to be needed. He will always be my little boy and nobody is going to change that.................................................................................

Happy 13th Birthday My Darling Boy. xxxxxx



P.S... Sorry that this isn't one of my usual blogs............Normal service will be resumed shortly.



71 comments:

  1. Oh God..................I am crying into a salad now. The whole office are staring at me like I have lost the plot. What an emotional piece of writing Sam, I don't think I have ever wanted to give someone a hug as much as I do right now.............................BIG HUGE HUG COMING YOUR WAY. Brilliant piece of writing. xxxx

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    1. I am so sorry, hope your salad wasn't ruined xxxx

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  2. OMG I sooo know what you mean and reading that has made me feel emotional too :) My youngest is now 13 and like you say they want a little privacy, the door gets shut, they almost stop telling you things but in the end they are just kids still! It always makes me feel that I didn't make the most of it when they were young.......... I know I did but the melancholy sets in and you think it is all going too quickly *sends hugs* xx

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  3. I could have written this post, I know exactly what you mean! *sob* x
    (Happy birthday to your boy xx)

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  4. Nail, head, hit. Had a little nostalgic sob - my Boy is 14 so not much older & that's exactly how his room is - you made me think of how it was first classic Winnie the Pooh & then Thomas the Tank decorated & now he towers over me. I think the hardest part of being a parent might just be the letting go... XXX

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    1. I think you might be right........Thank you hun xxx

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    2. Funnily enough just after I posted that we had a to-do about missing PE kit LOL ! Ups & downs !!! X

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  5. What a lovely post. I have a few years to go till this stage, but I'm petrified of being a mum to a teenage boy one day!! #MMwBh

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    1. Stick with me hun.....I will hold your hand through it xxx

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  6. Oh goodness me, this has me in tears too. I'm a few years away from this, but with my oldest heading towards eight I can already see hints of the teenage boy he will become. In some ways it's wonderful, and he's wonderful, but in others it makes me want to hit pause for a while and just enjoy him as he is now xx Lovely post, happy birthday to your son xx #MMWBH

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    1. Thank you Sara, I wish we could have a remote button don't you? xxx

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  7. Aw Sam, now I'm crying thinking that this will my baby boy in only 4 years time....4 years?! How does it happen? One minute they're a tiny baby, being driven home from hospital and the next, they are grown boys with a hairbrush! PS Are you sure that is a real hairbrush?! PPS I imagine he is the luckiest boy in the world to have a mum like you and I'm sure he knows it too :) x x

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    1. You got me thinking........Yep.......Its a real hairbrush....I've just checked. Thank you my lovely friend you always know exactly the right thing to say to make me smile xxx

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  8. I shed a tear reading this...I get those emotions every year on my boy's birthday. Wishing I'd done more with him when he was little, realising he's growing up way to fast, longing for those times when he was a littlun and his only worry was what colour car to push around the track.

    He was 15 a couple weeks ago and is on work experience at the moment. In his second week I see a change in him, enthusiasm, suddenly even more grown up, and wanting to do voluntary work at the place where he is working - couldn't be more proud!

    Oh gosh, I'm crying again!!

    Happy birthday you your little man xx
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    An I know that 'boy' smell *throws open windows*

    I recently posted: Free Things To Do In Essex: Hainault Forest Country Park

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    1. Awww bless you Michelle. I think I spent most of yesterday crying at this post.....And I wrote it lol. Thankyou so much for your lovely comment. xxx

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  9. It's so hard when they grow up isn't it. Like a minefield of emotions and never knowing if what you're doing is right or wrong

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    1. It certainly is Angela, I would imagine this is just the start xxx

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  10. My daughter's almost 12 and so far, the older she gets, the closer we get. She shares everything, asks me anything and loves spending time with me - I'm absolutely dreading when she gets that bit older and she doesn't want to do all this with me. Great post x x

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    1. Thank you hunny, My daughter is 17 and we are still best friends so don't worry to much. Its all about balance isn't it. I think with boys its that they are so conscious of crying when they are sad so you really have to pump them for info and then they get cross at you for nagging xxxx

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  11. Happy birthday young man! Such a beautiful, heartfelt post. I have an almost 16 year old son so can very much relate to what yo have written. I feel like I blinked and he grew up in an instant.

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    1. Thank you Louisa. It all goes far too quickly xx

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  12. OMG I am crying like a baby!! What a beautifully written post! Definitely one I can relate to! xxx

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    1. Sorry Lucie, hope you have stopped now xxxx

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  13. My boys are 8 and 7 and I see this happening to me in years to come. I want to make the most of everyday with them

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    1. Make sure you do Jen, it all sweeps past xxx

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  14. Awww this brought tears to my eyes. My oldest is 7 and I can already see the signs of independence creeping in. Having children grow up is so hard....I dread it and yet long for it all at once....such a strange time. But a lovely post!!

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    1. It is a strange time isn't it. Thank you for leaving a comment xxx

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  15. Happy birthday to your boy! My eldest is three this year and I wish I could freeze time!

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    1. Thank you Rachel. I would love to freeze time xx

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  16. That is so beautiful! You have reduced me to tears. The time goes by far too quickly doesn't it!

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    1. Sorry my lovely, thank you for reading xxx

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  17. Oh my word Sam tears a plenty. Not because we have a 13 year old boy (Poppy is only 3!) but my sister in law does. This must be so hard and weird too especially when you're looking back. Sending you strength and gin today (which just so happens to be my husband's birthday and his sister's!) x ps. have cake!

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    1. Bless you Charly, Gin is in the cupboard and a cake is on its way. Thank you my lovely xxxx

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  18. Arrrrr Sam you'v got me crying, this is such a moving post!!! This post certainly has made me think about my oldest who is 10 this year, I don't know where the time has gone! *hugs* xx

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    1. Bless you Kirsty, sorry it made you cry. Thank you for reading xx

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  19. Aww my son is 3, but he's got to 3 too fast for my liking, and I know that 10 years from now I am going to be in bits as well.

    Lovely post. I am going to give my little boy a big cuddle now.

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    1. Good for you Steph, I loved the 3's so much. So funny and full of fun xx

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  20. Happy birthday! Beautiful post, I am a way off this yet, but I know I will hate it x

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  21. This post is so beautiful - it has brought a tear to my eye! Even though my son is only 5, I long for those baby days back! Can only imagine what it is like when they hit their teens. x

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  22. I'm glad my son is 3 and thanks for reminding me to record every single second!

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  23. This is such a sweet post and one I needed to read. My son is only three and is just starting preschool but is suffering from terrible separation anxiety. My mum says he isn't ready but I keep getting frustrated with this little boy. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate my priorities a little x

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    1. I feel for you Lori, wish I had listened to my heart rather than what I was told to do. As long as you find other forms of fun and mixing him with other kids whose to say you wont do just as an important job as a Nursery xxx

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  24. awwh mine is 16 SO this is how I feel all the time
    Great post x

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    1. I have one of those too Claire except shes almost 17 and about to start driving lessons......Arghhhhhhh HELP xx

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  25. What an emotional post!
    Now, if it would make you feel any happier, please feel free to borrow my toddlers anytime..! ;)

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    1. Thanks hun......Send em over.....I'm great with play dough and stuff xxx

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  26. This was so lovely and it really made me think about things with my little boy. You sound like such a caring mum, don't be sad, you have a son that is a credit to you xxx

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    1. Bless your heart for saying that. xxxx

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  27. What a lovely post. It is so nice to think what our little ones will grow into!

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  28. I am bawling my eyes out now! My little one is only two and I feel like time is reeling past at break-neck speed. Being a parent is so tough and every stage and age brings new challenges and emotional wrenches. It is hard to enjoy the ride sometimes but it is good to be reminded that it all goes by before you know it, so enjoy it while you can *passes tissues*

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    1. Sorry to make you cry my darling. Grab that camera and snap away xxx

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  29. I so understand where you are coming from, I have a 13 year old too and he is growing so fast. My 16 year old is currently a typical Kevin & Perry teenager too who towers over me and sometimes I wish he were a little boy again!

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    1. Thank you Kara, its so hard isn't it. My eldest is almost 17 and she is so tall......Downside to that is she tells me when my roots need doing xx

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  30. Beautifully written. My boy is 14 this year. Time has gone too fast, I totally understand how you feel xx

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  31. Such a beautiful post! You made me cry too - partly because of the picture you painted with your writing, but partly because my own son is nearly 13 too and I recognise so much of what you are saying. You should feel proud that you've done so well with him. x

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    1. Bless you Sarah, thank you so much for reading. xxxx

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  32. I am in a flood of tears now. My boy is only 2 and a bit now, but I can see how he will always make me feel... I am babbling now. They will always be Mama's boys, that is a given xx

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    1. Oh no.....Dry those tears. You have years ahead yet before he turns into a Teen. Thank you for reading hunny xxx

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  33. This is something i am dreading. Them growing up. I cried when Elle turned 5 so for her to be a teenager and then Mia just behind her is just something i cannot bear to think about x

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    1. Thanks Keri-Anne, its so hard isn't it xxx

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  34. Another teenager, Happy Birthday and I totally understand what you are feeling as I am too

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  35. Happy 13!
    It is a great age.
    You will have fun together... I promise.

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  36. Oh what a lovely post. Congrats on having a 13 year old!

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Love to hear your comments, and I will always try to reply xxx