Thursday, 5 February 2015

Parents Evening Olympics

Good morning sports fans and its a lovely day in leafy Sussex, the days events are just about to get underway and we are kicking off with the 100m Steeple Chase...........................................

In lane one we have Pushy Mum who will stop at nothing to get her child in that spotlight.

In lane two its Mrs Look At Your Shoes, this poor soul is clearly scarred from her own haunting memories of childhood parents evenings. This is going to be tough race for her so plenty of encouragement please folks.

In lane three we have the hugely popular I Know The Teachers By Their First Names and there is no stopping her as she limbers up ready to pounce.

In lane four the crowds favourite Mr Memory Lane who proceeds to tell anyone that will listen what a complete wag he was at school much to his child's embarrassment.

And finally in Lane five the undisputed Mrs Raised Brows who has spent much of the warm up session telling everyone how perfect little Johnny is.

The scene is set and the runners are on their starting blocks the atmosphere is electric as a hush falls over the crowds. Its so tense you could cut the air with a knife........................A slight move from one of the runners and someone screams from the crowd "FALSE START.....FALSE START"................

AND THEIR OFF...............................................................................................................................

Its Mrs I Know All The Teachers whose out of the blocks first ,she narrowly avoids knocking Pushy Mum straight over a row of chairs and causing chaos. Pushy Mum holds her ground and elbows her back into her lane............................HOLD ON WHATS THIS.................Mr Memory Lane has just hurdled the Headteacher whose crouched down to do his shoe lace up, he's determined to get to that Science appointment first and makes no apology as he clips the poor man in the head with his foot.

Looking back down the classroom Mrs Raised Eye Brows hasn't even left the blocks due to Little Johnny deciding that now might be a good time to tell her that he got an internal exclusion last week for calling one of his teachers a "Twat" She's livid and has a startled expression on her once smug face.......Poor Little Johnny is getting a right telling off as mum decides to walk the rest of the track with her head hung.

So ladies and gentlemen we are down to just 4 runners and the race is really hotting up..................There are scuffles and shouts as Pushy Mum really lives up to her name and literally does push random parents out of the way to get to that table. The teachers have a stunned expression on their faces as the runners approach, one even covers her head in fear of being trampled.

The finish line is in sight and the competition couldn't be any closer, Mr Memory Lane and Pushy Mum are neck and neck with Mrs I Know All The Teachers trailing behind mainly because she has seen someone she knows and has decided to stop for a chat............................BUT WAIT A MINUTE......................WHATS THIS.......................We had almost written off Mrs Look At Your Shoes who didn't seem to be doing anything but staring at the floor, she is powering through with grace and speed....................................She hurdles the water jump with ease swerving round the other runners without them even noticing...........Mr Memory Lane catches a glimpse of her Ballerina Pumps as she passes him like a rocket.................................The desk is clear, the teacher is ready and ..................And.......................SHES DONE IT........................Mrs Look At Your Shoes is in the chair and already shaking hands with Mr Smith the Science teacher.

What a race we have had here today at the Parents Evening Olympics, the other runners look crushed as Mrs Look At Your Shoes not only wins but gets a glowing report for little Billy as well as a handshake from The Head Teacher who is unfortunately nursing a bruised head due to Mr Memory Lane.

And just when we think its all over the race seems to be off again as Mrs Look At Your Shoes begins to push her chair back ready to move on.....................Mr Memory Lane and Pushy Mum are poised once again......................................AND THEIR OFF.



I am linking up with fabulous new Big Fat Linky by The Dad Network.

50 comments:

  1. Oh we haven't had this yet. We get individual appointments for parents evening so never see the other parents!

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    1. Brace yourself Jen......Its coming. Primary school was so much easier i can tell you xxx

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  2. haha see we dont have the need for the race as such, we all have our appointments although they usually are about an half hour behind schedule x

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    1. Oh don't get me wrong....We had appointments it was just the whole procedure that fascinated me. And i know what you mean about the half an hour behind...It seems some parents ignore they time slots at this stage lol xxx

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  3. Not something I have had to yet think about as we don't have kids and cats don't have parent evening, but something to bear in mind for sure.

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    1. God bless the cats....Much easier. Although i am kind of grateful they don't do parents evenings for dogs...I can only imagine what they might say about Baxter the dog xxx

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  4. Thank god - my son's school has an appointment system. Saying that Some parents still do try to push in

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    1. Unfortunately this was with an appointment system it just seems some parents ignore the fact you have a time and once the teachers get behind its a free for all xxx

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  5. Lol. Luckily we haven't encountered this yet, our main problem has been the eldest 'forgetting' to make appointments with particular teachers.

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    1. Oh yes.....This was the first task for my son. When my daughter used to do it they were all early and organised in classroom order. This time they were all at the end of the night and we ran around like a couple loonies xx

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  6. We always had an appointment sysyem but you always get that one parent who takes up 30 minutes instead of the allocated 10 and maks everyone run late.

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    1. Oh yes.....I should of mentioned that particular parent...........Mrs I Have All The Time In The World...xxx

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  7. How funny! I'm sure I'll have all this to come when Fred starts school! xxx

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    1. I think you will although Primary school seems to be a lot more organised and only 1 teacher to see xxx

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  8. Ha ha, our son is only at primary so we haven't encountered this fun yet but I remember it well from when I was at secondary school!

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    1. Me too..........Although i don't have a lot of memories about my own parents evenings due to the fact I managed to avoid telling my mum they were on...xx

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  9. hahaha love this, we definitely have a Mrs Raised Eyebrows - and that was at Infant school already!!

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    1. Oh no.........She is my favourite i have to say and always comes a cropper in the end xxx

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  10. Well from what you told me last night, you are 'Mrs I know all the teachers'! Hugs indeed. Brilliant post. You're on fire at the mo! X

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    1. Ha ha....I think i am a mixture of Mrs Know All The Teachers and Mrs Look At Your Shoes, my parents evenings were less than great i can tell you. Thank you lovely Suzanne xxxxxx

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  11. Hello!!
    Well it was bittersweet in November as I went to my last Parent Evening EVER!! I was quite sad but mostly I was very fecking happy!!! There has to be SOME bonuses to owning grown up kids!!!

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    1. Oh no..We have that in March for my eldest and i am dreading it.....Mainly due to the fact that its always so organised when she has made the appointments now I'm left with Mr Unorganised xxx

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  12. hahahahahaha so funny and I recognise all those characters! I am Mrs Can't Believe I Am Old Enough To Be Here still - being at parents evening makes me feel like a school kid again!

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    1. Ooh now that would of been a good one Sonya. I struggle with acting my age when I'm there and always get the urge to slide on my knees across the hall xxx

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  13. I can just imagine me wanting to be in lane one but ending up in lane two... Oh joy can't wait for parents evening.
    Still got a long way to go - Hayden is only 2 but at least I have time to prepare LOL
    Thanks for sharing lovely.

    Charlotte x

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    1. It really is a nightmare Charlotte, i liken it to speed dating but without the alcohol. xxx

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  14. Ok as promised the story of Mr I'm Much More Important Than You!! thankfully all our teacher appointments are timed so although the scrum/race is very familiar you also have the hovering in the general vicinity just to see if you are next as they NEVER run on time. Last week there we all were looking at our time sheets, elbowing our way through the scrum and get to the teacher we need, but so ha Mr I'm Much More Important Than You who literally hangs over the already seated parent overhearing everything that is being said (bloody rude!) and when said parent stands to leave he automatically takes the chair from under her so HE can sit down.....only to be told that Mrs Ordinary and Nondescript (me) is first! The look of disdain on his face as he looked me up and down with disgust and peered at my walking stick as though I was getting a special favour- then proceeded to literally wait with his hand on the back of my chair listening- thankfully my teen got a glowing report in the subject..... but was totally disgusted at his total rudeness. Now apologies for the LONG comment lol

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    1. Oh my God i can't believe it. How bloody rude was he, i am afraid i think i might of had to say something much to my teens embarrassment. Well done for keeping your cool hunny xxx

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  15. Love love love your blog post so much, they really make my day. xxxx

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    1. Bless you heart, please leave a name then i can thanks you in person xxxx

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  16. It made mu laugh as I can remember something similar from when I was at school and it was ages ago :D My Mum couldn't stand them :)

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    1. My mum was the same Sylvia, she dreaded them.......Mainly because she never quite knew what was going to happen xx

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  17. It sounds like fun... not.. but you made it into a funny write up :-)

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    1. Thanks so much Agata, i really enjoyed writing it. xxx

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  18. This is so so funny, I know exactly who you are talking about from the other night. I am wondering if you have missed a few out but we can talk about that over a coffee. xxx

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    1. Thankyou sweetie, I think i probably have missed a few out...............But am i brave enough to put them on here xx

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  19. Ha this is hilarious!!! I love how you wrote this! I was with it every step of the way. As a parent I completely am the "Mr knows the teacher by their first name" as a teacher.....you frustrate me lol
    Such a great post and thanks for liking up with the #bigfatlinky!

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    1. Thanks so much Martyn, I am afraid i am a bit like that too mainly down to the fact we live in a small town and see them everywhere. xxx

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  20. Haa haa - this is brilliant - I find secondary school parents evenings are a nightmare compared to the easier primary ones

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    1. Thankyou Kara, Primary were a piece of cake compared to Secondary. You just turn up wait your turn and thats it its it xxx

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  21. Haha! As a teacher as well as a parent I found this very funny. It brings to mind some of the parents I have come across in my career! Thanks for sharing and thanks for linking up #bigfatlinky

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    1. Thanks so much Al, its the teachers i feel sorry for sometimes. Their poor faces when the stampede starts is priceless xx

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  22. oh so true parents evening is not fun!

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    1. Thanks Emma, fun is definitely not in the same sentence as parents evening xx

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  23. I love this. It made me smile and giggle through out reading it. You really did set the scene well :)

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    1. Thanks so much Nicola, glad you enjoyed it my lovely xxxx

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  24. Made me laugh! And brought back memories of "forgetting" to make appointments and being told that my mum still managed to corner them!

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    1. Ha ha my mum did exactly the same thing......I was the one trying to get her out of the door xxx

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  25. I had you down as "Mrs Look at your shoes" with a touch of "I know all the teachers", so i must know you rather well!!! Brill post. But crikey, is it really like that at Sec School?! Oh and we definitely have a Mrs Raised Eyebrows too, like Steph does. We all know who she is in our school :-)

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  26. PS, Meant to say, this reminds me of Jo Sanderson's Heir Raising blog http://www.josandelson.com. I'd love to see her draw pics for this. I'll tweet her the link. Have u seen her 8 types of mummy??

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Love to hear your comments, and I will always try to reply xxx