Wednesday, 31 August 2016

Are You In A Uni Daze ?

This time last year I was quite frankly a hot mess, this time last year I was wandering aimlessly amongst plastic boxes, books and suitcases. This time last year I was not only in denial but also in a stunned kind of state that only a Parent of a kid leaving home for the first time will understand.

This time last year my darling daughter aka The Teenager (known to those that have read my babbling blog for 6 years ) left home to embark on her Uni adventure. I didn't write too much after she left mainly due to the fact I lost my Mojo but as you all know I am back now with a new kind of vigour for my ramblings.

This time this year I am in a similar mess with plastic boxes, books and suitcases but something has now changed...........................I am not emotional or stressed, I am not stunned or sad. I am in fact excited for her. Year 2 is slightly different in that she is moving into her first house with her previous flatmates from Uni. Its all systems go here and this weekend she will be gone again, back to the beautiful town of Bath where she will have another year of laughing and making life long friends.

As I sit here drinking a cup of tea and watching her make lists for a shopping trip tomorrow it suddenly struck me that all over the country there are in fact Parents in exactly the same place that I was in last year. I remember the Uni list that came our for all Teens listing useful info about that first day................But what about the parents I recall saying, wheres our list ? Why doesn't anyone care about us ?

I'm afraid to say you don't get one as apparently we are "grown ups" and should know by now how to deal with any situation by now. So............Just for you.................I have made one.........................WARNING....................Does contain mild swearing..........Come one..........I'm allowed, it was bloody stressful.

It's here......................D Day............................Car is packed within an inch of its life and there barely enough room for you but...............MAKE ROOM...............The Teen might be acting all cool and calm trust me..........They need you there. Year 1 of Uni here we come.

PARENTS SURVIVAL LIST

1. DO NOT suggest a nice breakfast/lunch on the way there unless you are travelling miles, this will be greeted with a patronising "Yeah........Ermmmmmm........I think we should just get there and get it over with" kind of look. You will think of different ways to delay the inevitable but try to resist the urge.

2. DO NOT try and give any and I mean any advice about sex, especially if your husband is driving and starts chipping in about boys and their raging hormones............................It was at this point he got the shut the F**k up look and we reverted back to staring out of the window commenting on the nice scenery.

3. DO NOT attempt to take any last minute selfies with the Teenager during your car journey, definitely DO NOT suggest this in a Motorway Service toilet. At best you can expect a "No thanks" at worst you may be told to "sod off" and left drying your hands whilst trying to get your camera to focus.

4. DO NOT suggest a set time for your Teen to phone you, once the immense eye rolling has finished they may well accidentally on purpose forget to call you at all leaving you in a constant state of anxiety and worrying they have been murdered on campus during their first Freshers event.

5. Talking of Freshers Week DO NOT try to relive your younger days in the car, especially if your husband starts it off with "Listen to you Mum she's been there worn the T-Shirt tumble dried it and worn it again when it comes to getting pissed and boys". I vaguely remember hearing the Teen trying to open the car door whilst we travelled at 60mph and fling herself out rather than think about her Mother being young.

6. DO give it your best Oscar winning performance at acting calm and cool........................If you are freaking out trust me they will too.

7. DO take tissues hidden in the glove box, and a small bottle of Gin which I found helped immensely.............................. Purely for medicinal purposes you understand.

8. DO smile at everyone on arrival, not in a crazy type of way but you don't want to be remembered as the miserable mother of that girl in block A. In fact I smiled so much that my cheeks and face hurt for 2 days......................It was either the smiling or the pressure at not bursting into tears..............Or maybe it was the Gin.

9. DO NOT suggest taking phone numbers of their newly made friends in case there's an emergency or even worse befriending them on Face Book.....................I am thrilled to announce I did not do this but did overhear someone else..........................It was at this moment I think I saw a glint of relief in my daughters eye, I might even of seen a look of "My Mums so cool".....................I said "might".

10. DO help carry everything to their new room/dorm and then suggest you LEAVE them to it. I unfortunately did not do this and insisted that we carried everything up to the 3rd floor and then help her get the room set up............................It was at this moment the previous look in my Daughters eye disappeared and I was once again classed as a total embarrassment.

11. Once you have said your goodbyes, hugged and promised to kill anyone who might upset, hurt or have sex with your Teen DO NOT wave furiously out of the car window until they are no longer in sight. The result of this is an unfortunate case of 'Follow My Leader" in which you will start every Mother leaving their child for the first time in a uniformed crying festival which can only be described as a bloody mess. This is also a great moment for a quick sip of Gin.............Dark Sunglasses also help.

12. If needed DO get your Husband to pull over at earliest opportunity so you can get it all out and have a big blub. If you're really lucky he might even take pity on you and suggest a nice shopping trip to cheer you up. Take full advantage of this offer........................After all you did most of the packing.

13. DO NOT put the radio on once you are homeward bound..........................I promise you that every song you hear will have something about "Leaving" or "Moving On" in it. I am now wondering if the radio stations do it on purpose after looking at all the starting dates online.

14. Once you have arrived home DO NOT go into their bedroom and definitely DO NOT sit wrapped in their old smelly T-Shirt (which they have bloody left and now you will have to take it to them at the earliest convenient time as they surely can't live without it)..............Calm down, they can live without it.

15. Instead DO shut their door and leave everything for at least a week at which point you will enter the room and suddenly think what a great office space their desk will make. Or a spare bed for when your Husband snores so loudly you could happily kill him.

16. AND FINALLY...................DO NOT burst into tears when you hear their voice for the first time, instead be as happy and relaxed as you can. Its a bit like being on an aeroplane and watching the air hostesses......................As long as they are calm then everything is fine. It's a bit like that for the Teens too, as long as Mum sounds OK and still in control they will be fine and can conquer the world.

So Parents of the world, that's all I have to offer on the journey you are about to embark on, please memorise this list if you wish to keep an ounce of dignity.

A year ago I heard horror stories galore about how awful it all was and how you are never the same once they have gone. I listened to people who told me that you cry every time they come back and then go again.........................You will encounter these tales but rest assured from one who knows............................It wasn't one of my happiest days saying goodbye but I promise you it does become the new norm extremely quickly.

I love it when she is home and I do feel a pang of sadness as I wave her off each time but I know I've done a great job because she is happy, secure and most of all capable.

Good Luck to anyone who is heading off in the next few weeks and most of all huge hugs to all the Parents who are beginning a new kind of chapter in their lives.....................And if all else fails just remember that potential shopping trip and your new office space.

Lots of Love
Me
xxx




3 comments:

  1. This is hysterical, I am so glad you are not broken anymore and your Mojo seems to be coming back with a vengeance. Mine goes off next year and I am printing this off and pinning it to the fridge. Thank you so much for making a situation i am dreading humorous it really has made me smile.

    Love Kate xxx

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  2. Brilliant post, you are such a natural writer when it comes to everyday life. Mine left for uni 3 years ago and i resignated with everything you said. I did the unforgivable and labelled everything with a permanant marker pen which went down really well NOT.

    Good luck with your second year as a Mum xxx

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  3. I'm only five months late reading this and despite the fact that my boys have been and done the whole uni bit so all the advice comes too late for me, it was a brilliant read and I could relate to so much of it. I used to climb into their beds which with hindsight was not a wise move ! Have you lost your blogging mojo again? Your posts are so bloomin' funny. Please post again soon. One of my goals this year was to reconnect with blogs I've not read for ages as well as blog myself. I shall wait with baited breath for another of your fab ramblings! x

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Love to hear your comments, and I will always try to reply xxx