Monday, 11 March 2013

Bugger Off Winter.

It is unlike me to hate anything, it is unlike me to really dislike something so much that I would happily take a grenade and blow it up. It is unlike me to want to shout from the highest rooftop BUGGER OFF!!!! But on this occasion I would like to do all of the before mentioned.

I am talking about winter......

As I write this blog I am struck by how cold my fingers are and am actually impressed I can type at all considering I cant actually feel them. Whilst looking out of the window at the falling snow that I once remarked "how beautiful and clean snow is" blah blah blah blah. I am now feeling the complete opposite of this and cannot in fact wait for this bloody season to bugger off. There are many reasons why I am not only bored of it but am quite positively naffed off with it.

1. My hair (no matter how much Moroccan oil I use) takes on a life of its own and by 11am I am resembling Diana Ross on a bad day.

2. I feel the need to eat, I cant help it.......The colder I get the more I crave bad things. I actually ate a whole box of creme eggs yesterday (although I did feel really sick afterwards).

3. I am fed up with wrapping myself up like an explorer from the Antarctic just to go and buy a bloody newspaper.

4. My nose drips like a leaking faucet and even worse it drips and you don't even realise its doing it due to your face being so cold you not feeling it. You can bet your bottom dollar that's the day you will bump into someone really attractive and stand there with snot running down your frozen lip.

5. Needing the loo in a rush when trussed up in thermals. This can prove very tricky unless like me you just cant get it all of in time and........Whoops......Need I say more.

I could go on and on, cold is just bad bad bad. When you are sick nobody ever says "Awwww do you have a warm"??? No, they say "Awwww do you have a COLD"???? 

I am longing for the sun to warm me, to fling open the doors and windows at 7am to let the light and smells of summer waft through my home as well as late nights on the decking with a glass of wine. I need to see the sun, wear flip flops and throw on a pair of cropped jeans with a t-shirt whilst driving with the windows down.

So come on summer, hurry up. I promise I wont moan when its too hot and I'm still fat. I promise I will never say "God, I wish it was winter I'm so hot". If you like me are wishing the warmer weather to hurry up we all need to shut our eyes and make a huge gigantic wish.......Ready........1....2....3....Wish now................

Nope............Nothing......Useless.......Its still cold......... I guess we will have to practise what we preach to our kids about patience and just wait.

In the meantime I'm off to put on many layers (having a wee first) walk up to the the shops with my snow poles and Antarctic ruck sack to purchase 6st of chocolate whilst singing "I'm in the middle of a chain reaction" through my snotty nose.

Keep Warm My Lovelies

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