Monday, 10 January 2011

It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time !!!!!

Hello to all my lovely Domestic Goddess followers. Well January is off to a tremendous start with lots of positive thoughts and ideas for my 40th year ahead. I had a good hard look at my list of things to do this year and decided that it was time to knock a few things off, so with that in mind I booked an Archery lesson. Its something I have always wanted to do ever since I was at some vile school camp thingy with wet socks and really annoying instructors who insisted that I would be perfectly safe down a hole in the ground ........ they soon changed their minds when I got stuck and had a complete panic attack!!!!!!!! Anyway back to the archery, had a go at this at camp and apart from spinning round too quickly with the crossbow primed and ready to shoot and the entire group of instructors ducking and screaming at me to put the bow down it all went very well. So am going to give it another go, I mean how hard can it really be I am very good on the Wii so fingers crossed. Obviously I will report back in my May blog about the whole experience (as long as I haven't been arrested for killing anyone).

The Husband and I decided that our first adventure would be a romantic weekend away, so with that in mind he booked a gorgeous hotel not far from home (this is just in case my mother who is babysitting decides that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to offer to look after The Whirlwind and The Teenager or in fact The Whirlwind and The Teenager didn't think it was a good idea to have grandma shoving food in every time they opened their little mouths to speak).
So the weekend begins with my rather romantic Husband telling me that he was going to book a couples treatment, this involved being in a room alone together and smearing some type of mud over each other (for those that know me and The Husband you will know that we are not exactly small people) I had visions of the poor therapists running outside to dig in the grounds for more mud as they didn't have enough on site. Once covered in the mud steam was then pumped into the room and then we showered it off of each other. To say I was horrified was an understatement all I could think about was that film Madagascar with the hippos in the mud bath singing to each other. So that was that idea out of the window, I then suggested that the money we saved on not having the mud fiasco treatment could be better spent on some sexy underwear for the evening.
This idea went down incredibly well, so I ordered some very tasteful but sexy lingerie. (This is not something I take lightly as I am no super model.)
So the evening comes and we go for a romantic meal where I forget about the lingerie and eat and drink far too much, this unfortunately made my stomach look like Winne The Pooh. We returned to the room and The Husband not realising that I felt so uncomfortable asked when I was going to show him what I had purchased. I felt I owed him at least a look so I grabbed my bag and headed for the bathroom, this is when it all went horribly wrong.
I squeezed my bloated stomach into the Basque which in turn pushed all the fat up to the bra area thus making me look like I had boobs like Dolly Parton, it was at this point I realised I couldn't see my feet any more so proceeded to put the Cami knickers on back to front and then put my thumb nail right through the stockings. I am sure many of you are now thinking that they would of given up but not me oh no!! I fluffed my hair up, redid my lipstick put on my high heels and proceeded out of the bathroom feeling unable to breath or talk.
I had such visions of The Husbands face but what I did not expect was to reveal myself to the theme tune of Match Of The Day and The Husband fast asleep and snoring.
To say I was slightly relieved was overwhelming, he looked so peaceful, how could I wake him and quite frankly I didn't want too!!
I decided to put the underwear away and wear it again when I have lost about 36 stone. The Husband was slightly disappointed but said that it wouldn't matter if I wore a bin bag ( note to self that it would be a lot cheaper to do that next time) he would love me whatever.
I think the moral of this story is to remember that we are all different shapes and sizes and we are all bloody gorgeous.xxxxxxx


  1. Hilarious and so believable; I should think a similar story has happened to every one of our friends at some point of their life! With that I am off to Fat Fighters !! x

  2. LOL! I think that at the age of 40 if our husbands don't love us for what we look like now, we've got no hope! I would have ducked out of the mud slinging fiasco as well, good call!

  3. Brilliant! Aren't husbands always asleep in front of Match of the Day?! I think it's actually in the job description!

  4. Thanks for your comments ladies. Great fun re reading some of the old ones. Xx


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